


Patience

by konekat



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, Slow Build, makoharu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-03-20 04:29:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3636744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/konekat/pseuds/konekat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was Makoto, after all. Their friendship wasn't supposed to be confusing. Haruka had come to assume that, after all of the years of trying to puzzle out his best friend's thoughts, he had finally reached a point where thinking about it was unnecessary. He liked it that way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Inkling

_Bzzzzt._

Haruka looked away from the train’s window as he reached into his pocket and slipped out his phone. Looking down at his its brightly lit screen, he could see that Makoto had texted him. He quickly unlocked it, reading the message.

_Sorry, Haru. I forgot one of my books in my last class, so I’m going to be late getting back. Just let yourself in and I’ll be there soon. Hopefully you’ve got your phone on you today. Sorry!_

Haruka sighed, reading through the text again. Makoto really didn’t need to apologize, let alone twice. It wasn’t a big deal. He swayed in his seat as the train eased its way around a curve, punching a reply onto his screen.

_In that case I’ll just meet you on campus and we can head back together. Where should I meet you?_

Haruka hit send, then slid his phone back into his pocket. Makoto’s university was on the way to his apartment, anyhow—he could just get off two stops early. 

_Bzzzzt._

With another sigh, Haruka pulled his phone back out of his pocket, regretting having put it away in the first place. Force of habit, he supposed. Irritated with himself, he punched in his keycode and opened the new message blinking on his screen.

_Really, Haru? Thanks, you’re too nice! ^^ Then please wait for me at the main fountain and we can head back together!_

Haruka stared at the message for a long moment, thin lips pressing together. He exhaled, not quite sure how he should reply. He could just imagine Makoto’s grinning face, ridiculously happy over something so simple. 

It wasn’t the first time he had noticed it. Haruka wasn’t even sure when he had first started to realize that there might be something more to his friend’s reactions. They were all little things—his doofus smile, or the way that even Haruka’s grumpy silences could make Makoto chuckle. Truthfully, Haruka had probably had these suspicions for a long time now. Still, he was having an increasingly difficult time brushing off all of these little hints as if they didn’t matter.

The problem was that those little hints _didn’t_ matter. Or, more accurately, they shouldn’t. Makoto was Makoto, and Haruka was himself, and neither was quite the same without the other. They just _were_. Nothing more, nothing less.

But lately, Haruka had been wondering if that really was true. Because all these little hints seemed to indicate that maybe, just maybe—okay, probably—Makoto liked him. Without even trying to, Haruka had been growing more and more sure of this. And yet, he truthfully couldn’t say with any firm certainty.

And that was irritating.

This was Makoto, after all. Their friendship wasn’t _supposed_ to be confusing. Haruka had come to assume that, after all of the years of trying to puzzle out his best friend’s thoughts, he had finally reached a point where thinking about it was unnecessary. He liked it that way.

The fact that Haruka couldn’t fully convince himself of Makoto’s feelings towards him was a nuisance. He just wanted things to be simple between them. The way it should be.

Exhaling in aggravation, Haruka punched “ _K_ ” into the text box, then stubbornly hit send. 

Satisfied that the conversation was over, he shoved his phone back into his pocket yet again, then returned his attention toward the train’s window.

His frustration at not quite understanding Makoto aside, Haruka had been looking forward to this evening. Since classes had begun that past April, neither of them had gotten to see each other nearly so much as they had back in Iwatobi. Haruka supposed that was to be expected—his swim practices soaked up most of his time outside of classes, after all. Makoto’s evenings always seemed to be laden with piles of homework, from the sound of it. Add to the equation that their universities were on opposite ends of Tokyo, and the end result was that the two of them were lucky if they snagged a chance to meet up once a week. They texted back and forth, which helped bridge the gap somewhat. Haruka had even begun to carry his phone on him more often than not, tired of coming home to find a slew of missed texts from Makoto. 

This restricted schedule left Haruka feeling empty, though he tried not to dwell on it too heavily. He was happy that his best friend was pursuing a career that so obviously made him happy. And unlike his original fears, Haruka now understood that Makoto had no intension of leaving him behind. The feeling was mutual. 

The thought stopped Haruka short, and he frowned out the window.

_Was_ it mutual? Haruka knew where his feelings, at least, lay. Yet again he was forced to consider that Makoto’s feelings might be different than his own. As the speakers announced the approaching stop at the university, Haruka forced the thought from his mind. He would not worry about this. Not tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading! This is my first story on AO3 (although I'm also posting it on FF, where I've published a few others). I absolutely love the Free! fandom on here, and I really hope that you guys are enjoying the story so far! Hopefully I should have the next chapter up pretty quick.
> 
> That said, things are kind of crazy in my life right now. And on top of that I’m planning on doing Camp Nano for an original story of mind in April, which is all of—y’know—two days away at this point. So starting THIS fic on top of all of that seems like a pretty stupid idea. But I’ve had the story plotted out for a few days now, and I really, really love the idea. And since it’s the weekend, and since I really want to write it, and since I’ve got the time now, I just decided, “Aw screw it. Why not?” 
> 
> I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can’t promise a very regular schedule. I’ll do my best, particularly since I’m so excited about this story in the first place. And I do already have the entire plot mapped out, so I shouldn’t have to worry about hitting too many barriers in the writer’s block department. But there’s a lot of stuff in life that’s going to have to come first. I just wanted to give fair warning. 
> 
> Anyway, I started watching Free! last weekend and fell head over heels in love. I wound up watching 19 of the 26 episodes in one straight marathon, starting Saturday night and ending at 6am Sunday morning. I’ve been obsessing over it all week. I became an instantaneous MakoHaru fan. Not that I have any problems with any of the other ships—I’m pretty much all for all of them. But MakoHaru is definitely my OTP. 
> 
> The actual plot for this story turned out WAY DIFFERENT when I plotted it out than I was originally intending. I meant for it to be a short fic about how Mako is too patient, and Haru using that against him. And instead it turned into something much more than that. If everything goes according to plan, this should be a 14 chapter fic, possibly 15. But we’ll have to see, I guess. 
> 
> I’m going the fictional route for their schools and where they’re located in Tokyo. Part of me is screaming that I should just do some quick research and make it accurate, but the rest of me doesn’t care enough to bother. Besides, it’s easier just to make up my own fictional schools and conveniently place them where I will. Not sure if most people pay attention to those kinds of details, but this choice weighed on my mind a bit.
> 
> If you’re curious, you should totally check out PHOX’s “Noble Heart.” That song came on randomly while I was beginning to write this chapter (it’s one of my favorites), and it just resonated so perfectly with the feel I was going for in this story. It’s quiet, and heart achingly beautiful, and bittersweet, and I love it. So naturally I put it on repeat for the entire rest of the chapter. lol
> 
> If you’re still reading at this point, thanks for putting up with my rambling. I’ll try to restrain my after-chapter rants, but I seriously can’t make any guarantees. >>
> 
> Feel free to check out me out on Tumblr. My url is Konekat. (My blog has become completely overrun with Free! spam in the past week, although it’s also filled with tons of my favorite BL/yaoi manga/anime as well—definitely nsfw, so be warned.)


	2. Adjusting

Haruka looked around as he approached the fountain outside of the university’s union. It appeared that Makoto hadn’t arrived yet. He stared longingly at the spray of water splashing into the round pool, overcome by the urge to dip his fingers over the edge into the glassy surface. But he restrained himself, instead choosing a nearby park bench to plop down on and covering his longing with a frown. 

The first time he had visited the campus, Haruka had received a stern warning from Makoto. “ _Listen, Haru. You can’t jump into these fountains—you just can’t._ ” Haruka hadn’t been convinced until Makoto finally told him in exasperation, “ _I need to maintain a professional reputation at school, and you stripping down and jumping into fountains will definitely be a problem!_ ”

Haruka could care less that it was still March and far too chilly to go swimming. Similarly, he didn’t care one whit what people would have thought of him. But he _did_ care about Makoto’s future, and there was no way Haruka would be the reason his friend was held back from pursuing his dream. 

So instead he maintained a suitable distance from the fountain, doing his best not to succumb to the siren’s song of the trickling stream. It was a torturous practice in self-discipline.

“Ah, Haru!”

Haruka looked up at the sound of Makoto’s voice to see his friend approaching with another guy. Letting go of a relieved breath he hadn’t even noticed he had been holding, Haruka turned his back on the fountain and met Makoto halfway.

Makoto glanced at Haruka, his bespeckled green eyes quickly flitting to the fountain, then shot Haruka a happy smile. _Good job_ , that smile said. Haruka pressed his lips together, glancing away with a small flitter of irritation. There was no need to patronize him—Haruka wasn’t one of Makoto’s young students, after all. He didn’t need to be praised. Makoto’s smile deepened.

“I don’t think you’ve met Akira-kun, have you?” Makoto asked, turning toward his companion. The name caught Haruka’s attention—so _this_ was the Akira-kun that Makoto had mentioned now and then. 

“This is Jishi Akira, my classmate,” Makoto explained. “Akira-kun, this is my childhood friend from Iwatobi, Nanase Haruka.”

“Nice to meet you,” Haruka said formally, eyeing this Akira-kun as he bowed. He was tall—nearly as tall as Makoto, actually—with deep brown hair, brown eyes, and a thin face.

“Nice to meet you too, Nanase-kun” Akira replied, bowing in return. “I’ve heard so much about Makoto-kun’s good friend. You’re a swimmer at N University, right?”

“Yeah,” Haruka replied simply. He briefly considered saying something more—perhaps his answer had come across as too short, and he wondered if Makoto’s friend might think him rude. But Haruka didn’t have anything else to say, and forcing the conversation to continue would just result in it being awkward.

“Well, we’re heading to the station, Akira-kun,” Makoto said, stepping in to save Haruka from his inconclusive pondering. “I’ll see you later!”

“Actually, I’m heading that way myself,” Akira said with a bright smile. “Do you mind if I walk with you guys?”

Makoto threw the slightest glance in Haruka’s direction, and Haruka felt his lips press together more tightly. There was no need to double check with him—it was Makoto’s friend after all. Haruka gave a small shrug as he glanced away, barely more than a twitch of his shoulders.

“Sure!” Makoto replied without missing a beat. “You heading home for the day?”

The two classmates fell into easy conversation, allowing Haruka room to breathe without needing to join in. Instead he walked alongside Makoto, opposite Akira, and listened as they discussed the difficult homework from the night before and laughed about a friend who had fallen asleep in the middle of the lecture. 

Even more than learning a crowded new city or adjusting to university life, this had been the most difficult adjustment. Even now, after nearly a full year in Tokyo, it still seemed so foreign that Makoto had friends with whom he spent every day that Haruka had never met. Back in Iwatobi the two of them had never had much chance to meet complete strangers—they were in the same neighborhood, in the same swim club, at the same school, sometimes even in the same class. And even when they were in different classes, the classmates were always familiar faces, people who were easily recognized from the schoolyard. 

Yet the last year had been filled with a seemingly endless parade of unfamiliar names, all faceless strangers. Although Haruka had met a few of them, his intense practice schedule often did not leave time for going out. Makoto and Haruka already had such limited time together, and more often than not they spent their time together by themselves at one or the other’s apartment or out somewhere. 

Makoto, ever the considerate one, always made an effort to invite Haruka along, particularly if he knew Haruka had time in his schedule. But all of Makoto’s invitations had only resulted in two occasions, both of which Haruka had spent awkwardly sitting silently around a table as his best friend laughed and chatted with no-longer-faceless strangers. Makoto was good at making friends—Haruka was not. If anything, Haruka only seemed to be good at attracting fellow swimmers who admired his freestyle. Though many of these people had turned into good friends—Nagisa and Rin being notable examples—all it really did was emphasize how helpless Haruka was outside of the water. 

“I almost forgot,” Akira said suddenly. “Whatever happened with that love note you received this week?”

That grabbed Haruka’s attention, and he suddenly looked up from the sidewalk to Makoto’s face, which was now conspicuously missing his cheery smile. 

“That’s none of your business, Akira-kun,” Makoto said with a frown, browns creasing above his glasses. 

“Whaaaaat?” Akira whined in a voice that instantly irritated Haruka. “You’re just going to keep all the good details to yourself?”

“That’s rude to the girl,” Makoto reprimanded his friend. “You should be considerate of her feelings and not just use them for your own fun.”

Akira sighed glumly, and Haruka’s frown deepened. Even back in high school Haruka had considered such prying guys to be extremely rude, but an Uni student? That was just distasteful.

Still, Haruka couldn’t deny his own small flickering curiosity at the matter. Makoto receiving confessions was nothing new—both of them had been confessed to a number of times at Iwatobi High, and Haruka still continued to receive the odd confession here and there at university. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that girls were still confessing to Makoto as well. Even so, Haruka realized, it was so surprising only because he hadn’t been around to witness it. Back in high school, they had never pried nor really discussed the occurrences—that was the other’s personal business, after all. But Haruka had still been there each time Makoto had found a letter in his locker or a stuttering girl had approached him. 

“At least it was a girl this time, eh?” Akira asked, grinning slyly at Makoto. “How many have you received from guys, now? Five?”

“Akira-kun!” Makoto admonished quickly, his frown growing. “Seriously!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Akira replied, throwing up his hands in defeat. Their conversation resumed its earlier track, the discussion turning to a story the professor had shared with them earlier that day. But Haruka found himself glancing sideways up at his best friend. 

Guys? Makoto was receiving confessions from _guys_? He supposed it shouldn’t have been that surprising. Makoto was such an affable and approachable person, after all. Yet it still knocked Haruka off balance. What else did Akira know about his best friend that Haruka didn’t?

And not just Akira, but _all_ of them. The girls—and even guys—who got to spend time with Makoto every day, watching him, talking with him, apparently even falling in love with him. Which sides of Makoto did they get to see? What was Haruka missing?

The hollow feeling from earlier on the train returned to Haruka’s chest, though he did his best to ignore it. This was ridiculous—he was standing right next to Makoto, for heaven’s sake. What was the point in feeling lonely when he was not even a foot away?

Besides, hadn’t Haruka been worried not even half an hour ago about the fact that Makoto probably liked him? If that really was the case—which seemed more likely than Haruka cared to admit—didn’t that mean that it mattered even less who confessed to Makoto?

Except it didn’t. Which was frustrating. 

The three of them approached the station, and Haruka was relieved when Akira pointed to his platform opposite the one that would take them to Makoto’s apartment.

“It was nice to finally meet you, Nanase-kun!” he chirped happily, waving as he left.

“Yeah,” Haruka replied noncommittally, watching as Akira slipped between the crowds of people. With a frown, he turned to glance at Makoto only to find his best friend grinning at him, eyes closed behind his black plastic glasses, head tilted to the side. 

Haruka opened his mouth, ready to … he didn’t know what. Taking a deep breath, he shut his mouth and frowned, glaring when Makoto shrugged at him (expression, as always, inexplicably happy). Thankfully, the train pulled up, and the two were swept up by the current of people streaming through the sliding doors, saving Haruka from needing to figure out what he was going to say in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I was really amazed at how many hits this story has already gotten, and I’m so happy to receive comments as well! I hope you continue to enjoy the story :3
> 
> If this wasn’t apparent from the first chapter, this story is going to be a rather slow build. There are a couple of chapters I have planned in particular that should also be pretty funny/fun (hopefully! I’m crossing my fingers on this one), but even so the majority of the chapters are planned to dwell on Haru’s thoughts and emotional development. And interactions with Mako, of course!!!
> 
> This time around I relied on a really cutesy playlist I put together for this fic. (Haru is just flat out adorable, in my opinion, and all of these cutesy songs made me grin like an idiot while writing.) This included the adorable song “My Love,” by The Bird and the Bee. Another fantastic song you should check out if you’re interested! I also listened to Owl City’s “Fireflies” on repeat a couple times, and The 1975’s “Chocolate.” Like I said: cutesy songs x3
> 
> I can’t guarantee when the next update will be. At the very latest, it should be by next weekend, although I might have some time during an evening sometime this week. Even though the prose of this story is rather simple, it’s taking me a lot longer to write than I would have guessed. Usually a thousand words takes me about an hour if I’m planning to only give it a quick edit at the end (if it’s just a rough first draft I can do 1k in about 30 minutes, but then it requires a lot more editing). But this one is taking me a lot longer. I write a sentence or two, then deliberate, take a look at Tumblr, re-read what I already have, then come back and write another few sentences. I’m really concerned with keeping Haru and Mako both in character, and also making sure I’m catching all of the nuances I want, which makes this story particularly difficult to write. Haru is like a butterfly or something—he kind of flutters around me, but I’m afraid that if I reach out too quickly he’ll flitter away before I get the chance to accurately capture him. So I’ve been very deliberate in trying to accurately portray him. I’d love to hear if I’m doing alright, or if there’s anything that seems off/where I can improve! Anyway, thanks again for reading!


	3. A Nice Dinner

“I’ve got all the food prepared already,” Makoto said, twisting the key and letting them both into his cramped apartment. “All I have to do it cook it and we can eat.”

“Un,” Haruka replied, pushing the door closed behind him and bending to take off his shoes. There was a click as Makoto flicked on the entryway light, and the shadowed apartment suddenly loomed into view. 

“You can wait on the couch if you want,” Makoto continued, turning on the light by the kitchen too. “It won’t take all that long.”

Haruka glanced across the tiny apartment to the couch. It sat against the wall, facing the TV but away from the kitchen. “The table’s fine,” he said with a shrug, moving to sit in the far chair, where he could watch Makoto while he worked. Those green eyes shimmered as Makoto shot him a smile, and Haruka turned his head away, looking across the apartment toward the small window on the far wall. 

There was a loud clatter as Makoto pulled a pan out from his cupboard, placing it on the stove and letting it heat up. Haruka slowly glanced back toward his friend, watching as Makoto opened the fridge and leaned over to grab something.

“What are you making?” Haruka asked, watching curiously as Makoto pulled out a covered plate.

Makoto glanced at him with a small, resigned sigh. “I figured you would probably want mackerel,” he explained, placing the plate beside the oven. “But knowing you, that’s probably all you’ve eaten for the past week—maybe even the past month—which is flat out ridiculous.”

Haruka frowned, glaring at his friend. He didn’t deny the accusation—Makoto’s guess hit a little too close to reality—but he refused to acknowledge it either. Still, Haruka couldn’t help the small feeling of disappointment. No mackerel tonight after all, he supposed.

Suddenly Makoto laughed, causing Haruka’s frown to deepen.

“Oh, come on, Haru,” Makoto teased. “You don’t have to look like such a disappointed puppy.”

“I’m not disappointed,” Haruka said stubbornly. It was almost the truth. Makoto gave him a leveling grin that said, clear as day, _I’m not buying that bullshit_. Haruka continued to glare.

With another sigh, Makoto relented, returning his attention to the plate before him. “Then again, tomorrow _is_ your first big meet since the summer…”—he pulled the aluminum foil from the plate, revealing two beautiful cuts of fish—“…so I suppose it can’t be helped.”

Haruka sat up in his seat, eyeing the food hungrily and pointedly ignoring as Makoto laughed again. 

“I take my earlier statement back,” Makoto informed him. “You look much more like a hungry kitten.”

It was impossible to miss the affection in Makoto’s voice, though Haruka did his best to give it as little notice as possible. “Don’t be dumb,” he mumbled, though he sniffed as the mackerel hit the pan, its sizzling scent wafting through the room. “Anyway, how many times do I have to tell you? It’s not a meet—it’s just a friendly exhibition.”

Makoto shrugged happily, pulling more dishes from the fridge. “It’s still a big day,” Makoto said, “and I wanted to make you a nice dinner.”

There it was again. Haruka shifted in his seat, his gaze returning to the window across the room. He listened in silence as Makoto busied himself with the preparations. The fish sizzled and popped in the pan, and there were a few beeps and a droning buzz as Makoto placed something in the microwave. 

Happy though he was that Makoto was making such an effort on dinner, Haruka couldn’t help the small wave of irritation he felt. It was off-putting to be reminded that he still couldn’t entirely read Makoto’s actions. … Well, perhaps that wasn’t true, he admitted uncomfortably. Makoto’s actions were quite clear. It was understanding the _why_ behind them that left Haruka uncertain. They were best friends. They always knew what the other needed. So why bother changing that? Haruka was comfortable with the way things were. To somehow change that just felt wrong. 

“Here.”

Surprised, Haruka looked up to see Makoto holding out a plate towards him. With a mumbled “Thanks” he took the plate and put it down before him. Makoto placed a bowl of rice on the table, but remained standing behind his chair. Haruka glanced up to see his friend watching him with a concerned frown. 

“Everything okay?” Makoto asked, brows knit tightly above his green eyes.

“Yeah,” Haruka replied, waving him off. Makoto didn’t look convinced, and with a silent sigh Haruka focused his attention on the stove behind him. “The food almost ready?”

For a moment Makoto continued to study him. Then, breaking into another smile, he replied, “Yup! Everything’s ready.”

Makoto grabbed the plate of mackerel and a bowl of cooked vegetables from the countertop and placed them down on the table and sat opposite Haruka. “Help yourself. Itadakimasu!”

“Itadakimasu,” Haruka repeated, reaching across the table toward the fish.

Makoto pushed the bowl of vegetables toward him. “Make sure you eat some of these, too,” he scolded. “You can’t survive on just fish.”

Haruka gave him a flat stare, accepting the bowl. “I know that. I eat other things, too.”

“Okay, okay,” Makoto said, holding up his hands in mock defeat. Slowly he scooped some rice onto his plate. “You said the 100 meter is at 10:30, right?”

Haruka rolled his eyes, accepting the bowl of rice from Makoto. “Yes, Makoto. It’s at 10:30.” _Like I said yesterday and every other day before that for the past week_ , he thought, frowning pointedly across the table. Makoto shot him a guilty grin, and he restrained himself from rolling his eyes a second time. 

Haruka took a bite of his fish, closing his eyes in satisfaction as it melted on his tongue. Mackerel truly was the best, and he was glad that Makoto had given in to it for tonight. 

“I know N University is hosting the meet,” Makoto continued, taking a large bite of zucchini as he talked, “but who else will be there tomorrow?”

“It’s just a few other universities from the area,” Haruka said quietly. It really wasn’t as big a deal as Makoto was making it out to be. The exhibition was a chance to show off their skills, yes, but it also wouldn’t count for anything. The season hadn’t even officially begun yet.

“You don’t think any national scouts will be there?” Makoto asked, sounding surprised. “I thought it was going to be televised, too.” Haruka shrugged, focusing on his food in an attempt to mask his sudden feeling of dread.

“There might be,” he said off hand, leaving it at that. Coach Maetoko had said the exhibition would likely draw attention, but Haruka had been doing his best to put that out of his mind. 

Makoto seemed to catch the hint, letting that topic drop. “I talked with Nagisa last night,” he told Haruka. “He and Rei said they’re sorry that they can’t come up for it, and they wish you luck.”

“That’s silly,” Haruka said, though he couldn’t help the rush of warmth he felt. “They have to prepare for exams—I wasn’t expecting them to come.”

“True,” Makoto replied, chuckling. “Still, I’m sure they’ll be anxious to hear how it goes. You know, Nagisa mentioned that he wants to come visit over the summer, while they’re off on summer break. He said something about wanting to check out Tokyo’s attractions.”

“We could take them to the fish market,” Haruka offered. After a moment of silence, he looked up from his food to see Makoto giving him a strange look. “What?”

“Ne, Haru,” Makoto said slowly, as if choosing his words carefully. “I’m pretty sure they’re not interested in the mackerel.”

Haruka shrugged, unfazed. “They have good fish,” he offered by way of explanation. Wasn’t good food considered part of a city’s attraction?

Makoto sighed, shaking his head. “Well, anyway, a few of us are going to a place on Sunday that might be good to take Nagisa and Rei, if they visit,” he continued. “It’s an arcade, but there’s a bar and it sounds like a lot of college students hang out there. I’m thinking Nagisa, in particular, might be interested in checking it out.”

“Hm,” Haruka replied, a bit surprised. He hadn’t realized Makoto had plans for this weekend, though it wasn’t unusual. 

“I’ll check it out with Akira-kun, Yukito-kun, and Haruzaki-senpai this weekend to see if it’s worth bringing Rei and Nagisa,” Makoto said thoughtfully. He popped a mushroom in his mouth. Haruka nodded. He didn’t have anything to add. It seemed it would be better to leave the planning side of things to Makoto. 

“I was worried at first, because Akira-kun was saying that there’s supposed to be a ton of games. But Haruzaki-sempai invited some of the girls in our class to come with us, so we should hopefully have enough people check most of them out.”

Finished with his food, Haru placed his chopsticks next to his plate, glancing toward the far window. The girls from the class, huh? Before he could stop himself, he wondered if any of them had been one of the love notes Akira had mentioned. Irritated at himself, Haruka quickly shooed the thought from his mind. 

He returned his attention to Makoto only to find his friend watching him with another worried frown. Intent on cutting off any questions before Makoto could ask them, Haruka erased his own frown from his lips. 

“It was delicious,” he said quietly, nodding toward his empty plate. Then, suddenly unsure of himself, he shrugged and mumbled, “Thanks.”

Makoto’s face lit up, his head tilting as though his smile made it too heavy to hold straight. “You’re welcome, Haru-chan!” he chirped, grinning like a fool. Unable to take it, Haruka stood up and brought his plate to the sink, momentarily escaping his friend’s smile. “Drop the -chan,” he grumbled, frowning when Makoto chuckled behind him.

They made quick work of cleaning the dishes, Makoto washing and Haruka drying and putting them away. (He was well familiar with the cupboards after nearly a year.)

Once everything was cleaned up, Makoto followed Haruka to the front door, using the dish towel to dry his hands. 

“So…” Makoto said slowly. Haruka sat down to tug on his shoes, craning his neck to glance at Makoto towering over him. 

“I know your first event doesn’t start until 10:30,” Makoto continued tentatively, his words carefully drawn out. Annoyed, Haruka returned his attention to his shoes, rolling his eyes in the process. 

“But by that time your team will be all checked in, right?”

“Yeah?” Haruka grunted, pushing himself back up. He was having a hard time seeing where Makoto was going with this.

Makoto shrugged sheepishly, green eyes twinkling. “Well, I’d like to wish you luck beforehand,” he finally explained. “But I can’t come back by the competitors, right? So what time will you be checking in?”

Haruka stood silently, finally understanding. With a sigh, he shook his head. “Early. We check in at 7. Don’t bother—you can just wish me luck right now.”

This time, Haruka couldn’t help but notice the kind curve of Makoto’s smile. It was gentle, in a way that softened his eyes. Haruka shifted, unsure how to react.

“I know that already,” Makoto told him simply. “But I _want_ to tell you in the morning. Where should I meet you?”

Exhaling, Haruka briefly pressed his lips together. That was just so _Makoto_. “Check in is at the hallway leading to the lockers,” he said in resignation. “The team is meeting near the reception desk before heading back.”

“Great!” Makoto told him. “I’ll meet you there, then.”

“Kay,” Haru mumbled, starting toward the door. He paused with his fingers on the handle, then glanced over his shoulder. “Thanks again for dinner. It really was good.”

He spent the train ride home sitting in grumbling botheration, Makoto’s surprised, face-splitting smile replaying in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, as always, for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well! It turned out a bit sillier than I was expecting at some parts. I’ve been having a TON of fun writing these two together, and I’m really looking forward to writing more!
> 
> As I mentioned before, with Camp Nano starting up tomorrow I’m not quite sure when updates will be coming from now on. I’ll do my best not to leave a gap of more than a week at any given time. That said, I’ve been really excited to see how many people are reading and enjoying the story, plus I’ve been having a ton of fun writing it, myself! With all of this as motivation, I have a feeling I won’t be able to stay away from it for more than a few days. (Like today, for example. I have plenty of other things I should be doing, but I really wanted to dive into the next chapter!)
> 
> I probably sound like a broken record, but I’d love to hear your thoughts—especially anywhere I could improve! And feel free to check me out on Tumblr (Konekat).


	4. The Race

Haruka stood near the receptionist’s desk, hands gripping the strap of his bag and eyes glued to the swinging glass doors at the front of the building. Despite the early hour, the place was swarming with people, and a muted buzz hung in the air as hundreds of voices echoed and mingled in the open area. 

There was a flurry of movement, the doors swinging wide, and a group of swimmers dressed in yellow warm ups strode into the building. Haruka scanned them quickly, then turned his attention back to the doors behind them.

“Ah, guess the team from K University just arrived,” Jiro announced from behind Haruka. A few of his teammates replied, but Haruka was too distracted to pay attention.

No sooner had the doors settled into their frames than they were swept open once more. The men who entered were obviously different than most of the rest of the crowd. They wore business casual attire and held clipboards in their hands, badges around their necks. If he tried hard enough, Haruka could _almost_ convince himself that they were refs and timers for the races. Almost. However, he was well aware that the officials for the exhibition were for the most part dressed in jeans and matching T-shirts, each clutching a timer in their hands. 

More swimmers streamed into the sports center’s lobby, bags slung over their shoulders and chatting happily with each other. They were followed closely by what appeared to be a few early spectators, programs in hand. 

“—Haruka-kun?”

Haruka blinked, turning to face his teammate. Hiroto watched Haruka with a frown. “I _said_ that it’s nearly time to start heading back, huh?” Hiroto repeated, sounding exasperated.

“Yeah,” Haruka said, adjusting his bag over his shoulder as he turned back to face the doors. Hiroto sighed audibly beside him before turning back to their other teammates. 

A newcomer caught Haruka’s eye, and he realized with a start that the woman was carrying a professional grade camera around her neck. With a rising sense of dread, Haruka fought against the acidic unease set at a low burn in the pit of his stomach. 

Frowning tightly, he tore his gaze away from her, focusing on the doors once again. It was ridiculous, him being so nervous. None of it would matter once he got into the water. Haruka tried to picture the calming feel of the water sliding against him, not a part of him, yet not quite separate either. But the thought only left him feeling more anxious to be in the water rather than standing here, watching all these people on their way in. 

Another journalist strode in, and Haruka tensed. Why? Why was he so nervous today, of all days? He hadn’t been all that concerned over the past few weeks leading up to it. He had swum in the national competition, after all. That building had simply been _crawling_ with reporters and scouts. This was merely a local, friendly exhibition.

“Alright, everyone!”

Haruka turned around to see Captain Satoshi waving the team to gather around him. With a last glance at the line of doors, Haruka walked over next to Hiroto.

“It’s not quite 7 yet, but I think it’s about time for us to head over and sign in,” Satoshi announced. “Please line up by year to make the sign in process easier.”

Haruka hung toward the back as everyone shuffled about, pulling themselves into some semblance of order. Jiro came over to Hiroto’s other side, reshouldering his bag. 

“It’s going to be a looong day,” Jiro said cheerfully, looking around at the crowded lobby. 

“True,” Hiroto agreed, “But at least we’re getting back into competition season!” He clenched his fist, grinning. “Practice is nice, but I like racing.”

Jiro pushed playfully at Hiroto, though the smaller teammate didn’t have quite enough strength to knock the larger Hiroto off balance. “You just save all that enthusiasm for the events,” Jiro told him with a grin. “Right, Haruka-kun?”

Haruka tore his gaze from the doors, looking back at his teammates. “Right,” he said unenthusiastically. Jiro and Hiroto glanced at each other, then looked back at their teammate.

“Everything alright?” Hiroto asked, looking concerned.

Feeling guilty, Haruka pressed his lips together, forcing his away his nerves. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied quietly.

“Okay, let’s head out!” Satoshi called, waving his hand forward. With one last regretful glance toward the line of glass doors, Haruka took a deep breath and followed his teammates down the hall. 

“Wait… Haru!”

Haruka froze mid-step. What was this—some cheesy film? Hesitantly he turned to see Makoto flagging him down as he rushed into the lobby. Noticing Haruka stop, Makoto broke into a wide grin and harried laugh, quickly rushing over to his friend.

“I’m so glad … I caught you!” he said between gasps, leaning over with his hands on his knees in an attempt to catch his breath. 

For a moment everything stopped, and Haruka stood stunned watching the ridiculously happy grin on his best friend’s face. Makoto’s joy at catching Haruka in time was glaringly obvious. Haruka was overcome by a rush of relief—he hadn’t even noticed until now how tense Makoto’s absence had left him. Then the noises echoing all throughout the lobby returned, and Haruka was reminded of the situation. He glanced behind him to see the rest of his team heading down the hall, though Hiroto and Jiro had stopped to watch him with confused looks.

“We’re walking over to the check in table now,” Haruka said. Makoto quickly looked around, apparently only now noticing Haruka’s teammates leaving them behind. 

“Oh, sorry!” Makoto said, still a bit out of breath. “Do you mind if I walk with you?”

“Sure,” Haruka said with a shrug, glancing away toward the far wall. He hitched his bag’s strap again, then started toward Hiroto and Jiro, who continued to shoot him curious looks. 

“I’m sorry I’m so late,” Makoto gushed, walking beside him. “I wound up missing the first train and had to run all the way from the station.”

Haruka frowned, giving his friend a level look. “You didn’t have to,” he told Makoto, feeling guilty. “What if you had hurt yourself?”

Makoto laughed, waving Haruka off. “Oh come on, we used to run back and forth to the swim club every day!”

“That was Iwatobi,” Haruka grumbled, “not some crowded Tokyo street.”

“Yeah, I supposed that’s true,” Makoto said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

“So, how late did you oversleep today?” Haruka asked with a small smirk.

“Haru!” Makoto said, sounding offended. “I did _not_ oversleep the morning of your big meet!”

“That’s a first,” Haruka added mercilessly. Makoto glared at him, and Haruka decided to forgo pointing out that it was only a friendly exhibition. 

“It’s just that when I got to the station, there was this old man,” Makoto explained. “He looked really lost—apparently he’s from the northern countryside and came in to visit his son. Somehow he had gotten off at the wrong station, so I helped him figure out which train to take.”

Haruka stared at his smiling friend for a moment. Makoto blinked, his smile faltering. “What?” he asked.

“… Nothing,” Haruka replied, unable to describe the feeling welling up in his chest. Makoto frowned in confusion, and Haruka sighed. “That just sounds exactly like the sort of thing you’d do, Makoto,” he explained with a hesitant shrug. 

Makoto paused, apparently taken off guard by Haruka’s statement. “Oh, I guess,” Makoto said, the uncertainty in his voice apparent. “Anyway, that’s why I’m late.”

“Haruka-kun, stop being rude and introduce us,” Jiro said suddenly, sidling up next to his teammate.

Haruka blinked, taken by surprise. He quickly recovered, gesturing toward Makoto. “This is Tachibana Makoto,” Haruka said. “These two are Sawatori Jiro and Wakana Hiroto, my teammates.”

“Wait, wait,” Hiroto said, eyeing Makoto. “Is this the Makoto you're always talking about?”

Haruka frowned in embarrassment. “I don’t talk about him _that_ much,” he said defensively, not liking the way Hiroto phrased it.

“True,” Jiro chimed in. “But you don’t really talk about anyone else very much either. I just kind of assumed he was the only person who could put up with you outside of school.”

“Right?” Hiroto added. “See, it’s not just me!”

“Hey,” Haruka said, his frown deepening as he turned to glare at Jiro. He was distracted by Makoto’s laughter.

“That’s hardly the case,” Makoto explained cheerfully. “Haru has plenty of friends back home in Iwatobi. He’s just not a very talkative person.”

If anything, Haruka's lips pressed more tightly together. Makoto didn’t need to cover his back like that—at least, not over something so insignificant. What did it really matter if his teammates wanted to assume he didn’t have many friends? It had no bearing on his actual relationships. 

“So, Tachibana-kun, you’re here to watch Haruka-kun race?” Hiroto asked.

“Yup!” Makoto replied, smiling at Haruka. “I wanted to be able to wish him good luck before you guys all head back.” 

“If you’ll be watching, then be sure to cheer for us, as well,” Jiro added, causing Makoto to laugh again. 

“Sure! What events are you guys in?”

Haruka watched silently as the three of them fell into a conversation about the events, a touch impressed. He had known Makoto for as long as he could remember, and it was no new news that his best friend could make friends with just about anyone. Still, in only a handful of minutes Makoto had already managed to completely win over his teammates, and Haruka couldn’t help a small smile as he listened to them talk. 

Another small group of men dressed in business casual attire strode past, clipboards gripped tight in hand. Haruka watched them, the feeling of dread returning to his stomach. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to look in the other direction, only to find Makoto watching him with a worried frown.

“Everything alright?” Makoto asked quietly, falling a step or two behind Jiro and Hiroto. His green eyes darted to the side, watching the group of scouts walk away.

“Yeah,” Haruka said, wiping the nervousness from his face. Makoto’s gaze returned to his, not looking convinced. “Really, Makoto, I’m fine.”

The teammates ahead of them came to a stop, reaching the end of the long check-in line. Jiro and Hiroto continued to chatter away, but Makoto watched Haruka in silence. 

“You know, Haru, it’s funny,” Makoto said, glancing past the check in table toward the hallway beyond. “When we were at Nationals, there was so much attention. All of those people everywhere you looked, all of them focused on us. It was kind of suffocating.”

Makoto looked back at Haruka, green eyes meeting his own. Makoto smiled suddenly. “But by the time the race rolled around, none of that mattered. I was swimming for all of us—for the team—and no amount of cameras could have shaken my will to do the best I could for all of you.”

Haruka blinked, surprised by how easily Makoto could pinpoint exactly what he had been struggling to realize all morning. The team. Back then, Haruka had been so intent on doing whatever he could for Rei and Nagisa and even Makoto that nothing else had mattered.

“But, well,” Makoto continued, giving a little shrug, “recently, you haven’t been swimming for any team—you’ve been swimming for you. And I like that. You found your dream, and now you’re working towards it. And I hope that you can continue to swim for yourself the way you swam for all of us back then, constantly moving forward with all of your might.”

Haruka opened his mouth to say something, anything, but the words wouldn’t come. Suddenly embarrassed, he looked away, unsure how to respond. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “… Thanks.”

They shuffled forward in silence as the line slowly inched along. 

Suddenly, Jiro turned away from Hiroto, clasping his hands dramatically on his chest. “ _You’ll_ come, won’t you Haruka-kun?” he begged in a high pitched voice. 

“Come where?” Haruka asked, confused by the change in conversation. Hiroto sighed, shaking his head. “Yuuta-senpai was talking about the whole team going out for dinner after the exhibition,” he explained, looking sidelong at Jiro. “But I dunno…”

“You can’t wuss out like that!” Jiro said stubbornly, glaring at Hiroto. “It’s a team event—you’ve _gotta_ come. Right Haruka-kun?” He looked back up at Haruka imploringly. 

“He can do what he wants,” Haurka grumbled. “Would it really make that much of a difference?”

“Whaaaaat?” Jiro whined, frowning at Haruka. “Not you too! It’ll be a good bonding experience, especially with the seniors graduating so soon! This may be our last chance!”

Haruka frowned, hesitating. He hadn’t thought of it that way. Still, going out with the team for dinner after spending the whole day cooped up at the exhibition didn’t sound all that appealing.

“What if Tachibana-kun comes?” Jiro said suddenly, a smile lighting up his face. “Would you come if he’s there, too?”

“What?” Haruka said quickly, taken off guard. “Why would I—?”

“Aw, come on Haru,” Makoto said, giving Haruka his same old _Why not?_ grin. “It sounds like fun.” Makoto looked between Jiro and Hiroto. “But would it really be okay if I came?”

“Sure!” Jiro said excitedly. “I know a couple of the senpai are bringing their girlfriends along. What’s one more person, right?”

Haruka sighed in frustration, glancing at Makoto. Makoto continued to shoot him that longing, puppy dog smile. “Please, Haru?” he asked, eyebrows dipping. “I’d like to go. And you could support your senpai before graduation.”

Makoto’s smile really was too pitiful. Closing his eyes and turning his head, Haruka mumbled, “Fine.”

“Hurray!” Jiro yelled, punching the air. “Now you _have_ to come, Hiroto!”

“What?” Hiroto asked in irritation. “Why me?”

“If _Haruka-kun_ , of all people, is coming, then obviously you have no choice,” Jiro told him with a grin.

Makoto laughed, and Haruka shot him a glare. 

With a groan, Hiroto gave in. “Fine, fine. Jeez, you’re such a pest, Jiro.” As Jiro grinned happily to himself, Hiroto glanced at Makoto. 

“But really, Tachibana-kun, you and Haruka-kun must be good friends if you can convince him to join in too,” he said. Haruka frowned, uncomfortable with all of the attention. 

Makoto shrugged, continuing to grin. “Yeah, we’ve been together for a long time,” he said. “I guess it’s like…” He paused, frowning a bit as he considered. “Like we’re twins, I guess?” he finished, smiling at the teammates.

Haruka froze, watching Makoto with a frown as his teammates laughed. Twins?

“Guys, pay attention—you’re up!” Keiji said gruffly, bonking Jiro in the back of the head.

“Ow!” Jiro complained, turning to face the woman behind the table. “Oh, sorry!”

As his teammates registered, Makoto turned to Haruka. “Well, I guess I should get going, then,” Makoto told him with a soft smile. “But really, Haru, good luck. I’ll be right up front rooting for you.”

“Thanks,” Haruka said, still feeling thrown off. He watched as Makoto’s figure retreated back down the hallway, disappearing into the crowd.

Twins? What did that mean?

“Name?”

With a start, Haruka looked around to see the woman watching him expectantly.

“Nanase Haruka,” he said quickly, stepping up to the table. 

He finished his registration, then followed the rest of his team as they headed down the other end of the hall toward the locker rooms and competitors’ waiting area. As Haruka settled his stuff down, he considered Makoto’s words.

Why would Makoto describe them as twins? Why not best friends, or neighbors? Either of those would be easy to understand, because they were true. But _twins_? In that case, didn’t that mean that Makoto viewed him as a brother? Haruka shifted uncomfortably as he pulled his towel out of his swim bag. 

Really, it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch. Makoto was such a doting brother, always worrying over Ran and Ren, but also fawning over them and taking pride in their accomplishments. Feeling his shoulders tense, Haruka had to admit that it wouldn’t be all that far-fetched. Perhaps Makoto really _did_ just see him as a sibling—only one that was closer in age. 

Placing the swim towel under him like a cushion, Haruka sat down. While the rest of his team chattered, he sat in silence. Somehow, rather than feeling relieved, Haruka felt even more conflicted. Up until five minutes before, he had been fairly convinced that Makoto had feelings for him. It had been irritating, yes, because he wasn’t entirely sure.

But now there was a possibility that Haruka had been _completely_ off base. And that was terrifying. He wasn’t supposed to need words when it came to Makoto. With just a look they were supposed to be able to understand each other. Yet more and more each time Haruka spent time with Makoto left him feeling confused, and irritated, and a little depressed. 

Sullenly, Haruka tried to put the entire situation from his mind. They were in the middle of the exhibition, now. He needed to focus. Yet as the morning slowly passed, Haruka couldn’t help his mind from continuously wandering back to his friend, sitting somewhere on the other side of the sports center’s walls. 

“Haruka-kun, they’re calling your event,” Satoshi called out, knocking Haruka from his nervous thoughts. Giving his head a good shake, Haruka grabbed his goggles and swim cap, stripped off his sweats and jacket, and followed the other freestyle swimmers out of the room toward the Clerk of Course. 

The clerk’s table was located on the pool deck, and as Haruka stepped into the large arena the humidity, the scent of chlorine, and the overwhelming roar of the crowd hit him full blast, sweeping over his body and engulfing him. He let the familiar scent and heat calm him, taking a deep breath of the sticky air as his feet stuck to the moist tile floor. 

There was a loud beep as the heat ahead of them dove in, and the crowd suddenly burst into deafening cheers. Haruka caught sight of cameras lined up around the pool deck, studiously trained on the race at hand. His breath caught, and his swim cap squeaked as he gripped it more tightly.

Then, forcing air into his lungs, Haruka pushed everything else from his mind—the cameras, the clipboards, the twins comment. Instead, he thought back to what Makoto had said. _Swim for yourself the way you swam for all of us_. 

It seemed that all his life, all Haruka had ever known what to do was swim for himself. Unlike Makoto and Rin and Nagisa, he had struggled to understand the team mentality that Rin was always going on and on about. Even at Iwatobi High, finding that mindset had been tough. Yet somehow, Haruka felt that Makoto had been telling him to do something differently today. 

The heat ended, and the swimmers in front of Haruka began to move toward the edge of the pool. Haruka pulled on his swim cap and goggles, taking another deep breath. _Swim for yourself_. As he stepped onto the diving block, he ignored the myriad of cameras and the cacophony of the crowd. He glanced to either side, taking a good look at his competition for the first time. 

If he was going to swim for himself, that meant doing the best he could to continue to improve. That meant racing, and coming in first, and beating each of these men lined up alongside him. 

The prospect was more than a touch nerve wracking. Aside from when he was on a team, Haruka had never cared for winning. Hell, he had hardly cared about winning for the majority of the time he had been on a team, either. 

_You found your dream, and now you’re working towards it_. Haruka supposed that that was true. Now that he had finally decided what to pursue, he couldn’t be wishy-washy about it.

“Swimmers, take your marks,” the tinny officiator announced over the speaker system. Haruka bent over, fingers gripping the rough edge of the block. 

Could he do it? Could he race to win, solely for himself?

The buzzer sounded and Haruka dove in, parting the water with his hands and allowing the rest of his body to slip in. The water engulfed him, pressing all around him, and Haruka dolphin-kicked his way to the surface.

He would try. Gosh darn it, if that’s what it took to keep swimming, then he would try.

Haruka stroked with his arms, pulling himself as quickly as he could manage as his legs propelled him. He raced down the lane, focused only on swimming as fast as he could without throwing away all of his energy on the first stretch. 

As he did his flip turn at the end of the lane, he caught sight of the lanes on his right and left. Both swimmers were still a full body’s length behind him, at least. Heart rate picking up, he pushed off the wall with all his might, relishing the feel of the water sliding against him as he broke the surface once more. 

Though Haruka could just catch a glimpse of the swimmer two lanes over from him, he focused all of his energy into his arms, legs, and mouth. _Pull, kick, breath. Pull, kick, breath._ He was nearly there. He could see the yellow time pad hanging against the pool wall, the bold, black cross in the middle. With a last burst of strength he slammed his hands into the timer, quickly standing to look at the score board.

A yellow number one lit up next to his name, the stands exploding with cheers. Amazed, Haruka looked around to see the second swimmer only just reaching the edge of the pool.

 _He had won. He had_ actually _won_. Haruka suddenly felt his shoulders slump in relief, taking a deep, ragged breath. 

Maybe Makoto was right. Maybe he _could_ find a way to swim for himself. Pulling his cap and goggles from his head, Haruka shook the water from his hair, then pulled himself out of the pool, the crowd still screaming around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated note: I re-read this chapter this morning and was a bit horrified to realize the ending didn't turn out quite the way I was hoping. I'm aware that Haruka came to many if these conclusions in Free! Eternal Summer. If I had just been patient and waited until this morning to re-read it and post, I could have fixed it do that was more obvious. But now I feel like it's too late. Anyway, please roll with the punches with me on this one :)
> 
> Sooooo, what can I say? I can’t stay away from these two lovelies x3
> 
> Actually, the real story is that I wound up being sick yesterday and staying home. The sick part sucks, but I wound up having enough time to write a large portion of this chapter! I’ve really been looking forward to this chapter since the beginning. (Well, truthfully, I’ve been excited about ALL of the chapters. But I love some of the stuff that happens in this one in particular.) 
> 
> I keep feeling like I sit here droning on and on about “I’m so busy” and “Who even _knows_ when I’ll update” and “It could be another week,” and then it turns out I can’t stay away for longer than 48 hours. That said, I don’t think I’ll be staying home sick again any time soon, so this really is a rare case, at least for a week day.
> 
> This chapter turned out MASSIVELY longer than the other ones, but I hope you enjoyed it! I considered breaking it into two chapters, since it could logically work very well. Plus, I'm a little worried that it being so long might detract from the continuity of the chapter. Buuuut I had originally envisioned this all as one chapter, and I figured you guys might appreciate a longer chapter. 
> 
> A few quick notes (because I worry about these kinds of things): there are parts to this chapter that aren’t 100% accurate. For instance, after I got close to the end, I realized that Haruka’s team never had warm ups. If I were a good writer, I would find some way to incorporate that into the narrative. Buuut, I kind of like the idea of Haruka stressing out while waiting for his event, but then calming down as he enters the pool area. If he were given a chance to warm up in the water before hand, I felt like it would throw off the tension of the scene, so I left it off. Anyway, in these instances, I beg of you to suspend your disbelief. That said, if something bothers you, feel free to point it out! I could very well have accidentally left something out that should be addressed.
> 
> Oh, by the way! I used to be a swimmer :D I swam semi-competitively—it was just on a neighborhood swim team, but it was run like a legit competition and everything—so I have plenty of my own childhood experiences to draw on. That’s one of the many reasons why I love Free! so much: watching it was sooo nostalgic! They really did a fantastic job with keeping it accurate to how the sport actually works, too, which was great. My favorite scene by far was Rei trying to do backstroke and going lopsided, accidentally running into the lane line. 
> 
> Also, I just wanted to say: you guys continue to amaze me. This story was just the result of me daydreaming and trying to imagine how things might go in college for Haru and Mako. I wrote it for myself primarily, at least at the beginning. I mean, I know that’s what most fanfics are. But still, to see all of you guys enjoying the story too makes me happier than I can put into words! I hope you continue to enjoy it :3


	5. The Club

"Kanpai!"

Shouting and grinning, the N University swim team downed their drinks. Haruka watched his teammates, feeling uncomfortably out of place. 

Most of the team’s events had gone well, and after grabbing dinner at a popular ramen shop the seniors had dragged everyone with them to a club to celebrate. They had seemed so happy to share the evening with their teammates that Haruka hadn’t been able to find it in himself to turn them down, though he deeply regretted it now. The blaring music pressed possessively against his ears, making it hard to hear, and the dimly lit room and flashing lights were a bit disorienting. For once, however, Haruka didn’t seem to be the only one feeling awkward. 

“Jeez,” Hiroto grumbled, watching the partiers from the corner of his eye. “Some of us aren’t even _legal_. Why the hell did they have to choose a club?”

Haruka silently agreed. 

“Well, I guess they wanted to have fun after their last meet, huh?” Makoto asked with a smile. “You can’t blame them for that.”

For what felt like the billionth time, Haruka restrained himself from pointing out that it had only been an exhibition. 

Thankfully, Hiroto seemed to feel the same way. “That’s ridiculous,” Hiroto argued. “We already had our last meet last summer, and we all partied back then. This was just an extra tacked on before the start of the official season.”

Makoto laughed, shaking his head. “Then maybe they’re just trying to blow off steam before graduation,” he offered. Haruka grunted in agreement—that seemed like the most likely explanation. 

Jiro and a couple of the other teammates broke away from the group, coming to join Haruka and Hiroto near the fringes. Jiro bumped his shoulder into Hiroto, grinning widely. “Don’t be such party-poopers, guys!” he said, wagging a finger under Hiroto’s nose. “You should go pick a pretty girl and dance!”

Hiroto glared at Jiro, pushing the smaller teammate off of him. “If I said I don’t wanna, then I don’t wanna,” Hiroto grumbled. “Just leave me alone.”

"What’s the matter, Hiroto?" Keiji asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Have you already got a girlfriend or something?"

"No!" Hiroto shot back quickly, face turning red. "I just don’t like clubs."

While Keiji laughed at Hiroto’s obvious embarrassment, Jiro turned his grin on Haruka. "What about you, Haruka-kun?" Jiro asked. "Don’t tell me you’re planning on spending the whole night glued to the wall."

"I don’t dance," Haruka said flatly, the thrumming bass nearly drowning out his words. 

"So what, you just going to force poor Tachibana-kun to spend the night stuck next you on the wall?" Jiro asked, shooting Makoto a fake sympathetic frown. "That’s no fun."

"It’s fine," Makoto said with a smile, throwing up his hands in front of him. 

"Did you say Tachibana?" Yuuta asked, wandering over and glancing at Makoto. "Tachibana Makoto?"

"You know him, Yuuta-senpai?" Jiro asked, looking surprised. Haruka was also surprised. He turned to look at Makoto, but his friend seemed even more confused than they were. 

"I’m sorry," Makoto replied, frowning. "Do I know you?" 

"No," Yuuta replied, "I just remember your name. You were in the relay at the high school nationals with Haruka-kun, right?"

"Wow!" Makoto said, looking a bit sheepish. "You’ve got a good memory. But yeah, that’s me."

"Wait, you’re a swimmer, too?" Jiro asked, whirling to face Makoto. "Why didn’t you say anything earlier!?" 

"Ah," Makoto said with a modest shrug. Haruka could easily tell how embarrassed he was with all of the attention. "I don’t swim for my university. I’m just in school to become a swimming instructor."

As Jiro, Keiji, and Yuuta continued to talk with Makoto about where he went to school and which strokes he had swum in high school, Hiroto let out a long, relieved breath. 

Haruka couldn’t help feeling a bit concerned about his teammate. He was all too familiar with being dragged into annoying situations, and it seemed that Hiroto really had something against being here. Looking out at the wild mass of people on the dance floor, Haruka asked quietly, voice barely audible over the blaring music, "You okay?"

Despite the endless, distracting movement, Haruka could see Hiroto start from the corner of his eye. Hiroto turned to him, then gave a small shrug. "Yeah," he said quietly. "I just don’t like being so cramped in here. I’m ... a bit claustrophobic."

Haruka felt sorry for him—the club really was overly-packed, which must have been freaking Hiroto out. "You want to leave?" Haruka asked, still watching the dancers as they moved about, lights flashing obnoxiously above them. 

Hiroto was quiet for a moment before sighing. "No, I think I’ll be okay," he said. "Besides, as much as I hate to say it, Jiro’s right. I want to be here for our senpai." Haruka nodded, completely understanding where Hiroto was coming from. 

"Hey Keiji!" one of the seniors called merrily, waving a drink. "Get your ass over here!"

Laughing, Keiji peeled himself away from their group, heading back towards the bar. The group reshuffled, and Haruka glanced sideways as Makoto used the chance to slide back next to him. It was just a slight shift—two steps to the side and one back, not even breaking from his conversation with Jiro and Yuuta. It was almost as if he did it unconsciously. But Haruka knew his friend better than to assume it was accidental.

"You’re not listening to me, Yuuta-senpai," Jiro argued, shaking his head. "I never said I didn’t like his music, just not this particular song."

"That doesn’t make sense," Yuuta replied. "This is his most popular single, and it’s like a lot of his other songs. How is this one any different?"

"Actually, I can see where Sawatori-kun’s coming from," Makoto added in suddenly. "I definitely liked his last single better than this one."

Looking surprised, Hiroto leaned off of the wall to look across Haruka to Makoto. "Do you go to clubs often, Tachibana-kun?" The poor guy looked almost nauseated by just the thought.

"Not particularly," Makoto said, smiling sweetly. "It can be fun sometimes, but I’m not a big partier. But a lot of my classmates like to go, and they’ve dragged me along often enough."

This was a revelation to Haruka. He glanced sideways at his friend, reminded yet again that there were people in this world who knew a side of Makoto that he had never even known existed. Makoto often talked about going out with friends, but Haruka had never really pried for details. Sometimes Makoto would share a funny story about the people he had hung out with, but Haruka now realized that he had never thought to ask _where_ these stories were taking place. He had always just assumed it was somewhere on campus, or perhaps at a karaoke spot. 

As Jiro and Yuuta continued their earlier argument about the music, Makoto glanced down at Haruka. "You want me to grab us something to drink?" Makoto asked. Haruka frowned, keeping his gaze locked dead ahead on the crowd. "I don’t really drink," Haruka said, disgruntled that he would even have to tell Makoto something like this. 

Makoto broke into a small grin. "No, silly, I know that. I meant pop or something," he explained. 

Suddenly feeling embarrassed—and a touch more relieved than seemed appropriate—Haruka shrugged. "Not really, I’m fine," he mumbled.

Makoto studied him for a moment, then his eyes softened. "I think your senpai are lucky to have such supportive kohai," Makoto said off hand, his smile encompassing both Haruka and Hiroto. Haruka shrugged again, waving the comment off. "They’re good teammates," Haruka said by way of explanation, doing his best to ignore the gentle smile now resting on Makoto’s face.

"Um, excuse me."

Makoto, Haruka, and Hiroto all looked up with a start at the girl suddenly standing in front of them. She smiled nervously at Makoto. "Want to dance?"

Only just noticing the commotion, Jiro quickly punched Makoto on the shoulder. "Way to go, Tachibana-kun!" he said with a loud whoop. Makoto hesitated, looking taken off guard. Haruka couldn’t help but notice how red Makoto’s ears had become. He pressed his lips firmly together, feeling irritated.

"Well..." Makoto said slowly, glancing toward Haruka, and Haruka’s irritation spiked. The girl’s face faltered, obviously trying to hide her disappointment. The effect on Makoto was instantaneous. He quickly threw up his hands, eyebrows drawing together. "I mean..." he amended, trailing off in a near panic. It was almost laughable—or would have been if Haruka had felt at all like laughing, which he definitely did not.

Jiro, however, had no such reservations. "Oh, just go dance!" he cackled, pushing Makoto away from the wall. The girl smiled hesitantly, looking a touch more hopeful, and Makoto’s shoulders relaxed. With an apologetic look over his shoulder, he called, "I’ll be back."

Haruka ignored him, instead focusing his attention on the group of teammates—mostly seniors—still crowded around the bar. 

"Dang, he snagged a cute one, huh?" Jiro said, elbowing Haruka in the ribs. Haruka frowned at his teammate, catching a glimpse of the girl leading Makoto as she wove in between the packed bodies. 

"At least Tachibana-kun doesn’t have a stick up his ass," Jiro teased Haruka cheerfully. "You should go find someone to dance with, too."

"I don’t dance," Haruka repeated, staring at Jiro flatly. His teammate shrugged. "Your loss then, I guess," Jiro told him. "Come on, Yuuta-senpai, let’s go grab another drink!"

"Idiot, you’re not even legal!" Hiroto called after his friend, but Jiro merely waved his hand over his head as he and Yuuta walked away, not even bothering to look back.

A new song started up, some American R&B with an chilling beat that left Haruka’s stomach twisting uncomfortably. Out on the packed dance floor, the girl had apparently found a place she liked. Haruka caught glimpses of her through the undulating forest of hands and heads. He supposed what Jiro had said was true—she _was_ cute, though Haruka wasn’t usually one to pay attention to something like that. Her brown hair was short, not quite shoulder length, and it curled around her face like a frame. She was fairly tall too, though next to towering Makoto she looked tiny. Though she had been quite timid when she first asked Makoto to dance, her hesitancy seemed to have disappeared. She rolled her hips and chest, swaying to the music and smiling enticingly up at Makoto now and then as he danced next to her.

That was the thing—Makoto was actually dancing. And not in an awkward way, as Haruka had assumed he might, but instead as though it were completely natural. He didn’t move around all that much. Unlike some of the wilder people on the dance floor, he mostly kept his extremities to himself. Yet the way he rocked and swayed belied experience—far more experience than Haruka had had, at least. Makoto shifted his shoulders, moving his arms in time to the beat, so that his entire body seemed to flow with the unsettling rhythm of the music. His face was far more visible than his partner’s, hovering above even most of the raised hands due to his height. 

The sight made Haruka feel as though a cannon had just ripped through his chest, leaving him too stunned to react to the angry, gaping hole where his lungs used to be. Makoto looked so _foreign_. Haruka found the sight both unsettling and impossible to look away from. 

The crowd shifted slightly, and Haruka caught a glimpse of Makoto full on, his hips swaying to the rhythm, shoulders sliding to the side. The pit of his stomach fluttered anxiously as a hundred poison moths burst into flight, fighting their way up his throat. Still unable to breath, Haruka ripped his eyes away, turning slightly so that he faced Hiroto instead.

“He’s pretty good, huh?” Hiroto asked, gesturing toward Makoto. Haruka grunted in reply, unable to form words even if he had had an answer.

The song stretched on, continuing to make Haruka’s stomach squirm, though he firmly kept his gaze on the bar and the N University team, away from the dance floor. Finally, a more upbeat song kicked in, and Haruka allowed his eyes to close in a brief moment of relief. 

A glimpse at the dance floor showed Makoto winding his way back toward the wall. Haruka watched him, feeling inexplicably nervous. 

As he approached, Makoto gave Haruka an apologetic smile. “Sorry,” he said, again rubbing the back of his head. “I’m not very good at turning people down.”

The comment made Haruka’s heart rate pick up, suddenly throwing a slew of scenarios into his mind: Makoto, unable to turn down a girl’s confessions. Makoto, fumbling as a guy handed him a hand-written note. Makoto, too hesitant to push away as some girl leaned into him…

“… Haru?”

“Hn?” Haruka asked, a touch more forcefully than he intended. Makoto was watching him with a strange frown, eyebrows lowered over worried eyes. Haruka tensed as Makoto opened his mouth, unsure how to respond to whatever his friend intended to say.

“Tachibana-kuuuuun!” 

With a start, Makoto and Haruka both looked toward Jiro, who was hailing Makoto as he walked back over from the bar. 

“Why’dya stop dancing!?” Jiro shouted. “You should get back out there!” Hiroto groaned, shading Jiro from view with his hand. 

Makoto shot one last searching look at Haruka, then glanced at Hiroto. With a shrug, he turned back to Jiro. “Actually, I got a text from a classmate,” Makoto explained. “He needs some info for a class project, so I should start heading home.”

Haruka narrowed his eyes, watching Makoto suspiciously. Jiro, on the other hand, waved Makoto off. “Aw, who cares?” Jiro asked, rolling his eyes. “It’s the weekend—can’t it wait?”

Makoto shrugged, still smiling. “Sorry, it can’t be helped. Thank you for inviting me along, though. Please apologize to your senpai for me.” 

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna head out to,” Hiroto chimed in, pushing himself up off of the wall. When Jiro started to protest, Hiroto glared at him. “I’m not feeling well,” he added, and Jiro broke off into grumbling.

“Sorry, Haru, but would you mind walking back with me to the station?” Makoto asked. Haruka’s frown grew, his annoyance rising steadily. This was ridiculous—there was no need for Makoto to take the fall for them. Haruka could have left whenever. He didn’t need Makoto to make excuses for him. He briefly considered turning him down out of spite, but the thudding music and clogged air in the club made him reconsider. 

“Yeah,” he said quietly, looking away. “Let’s go.” He pretended not to see the way Makoto smiled at him in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m a terrible person who writes fanfics when they should be doing other things. Like, a million other things. This chapter was a rather late edition to the original plot line. I had kind of budgeted time for Haru and his teammates to go out afterwards, but I wasn’t sure if it was a scene I wanted. After all, I wanted to focus on his interactions with Mako, not necessarily with his team. And that said, there did wind up being far more team-related material in both the last chapter and this one than I was expecting. I just kind of wrote what felt natural (was not expecting Hiroto to be claustrophic—that just sort of happened, and I was as surprised as Jiro that Hiroto was being such a downer about the whole thing, lol). 
> 
> And then I had the idea of Haruka watching as Makoto danced with some girl, and my brain refused to let me leave it out. lol. I felt like it supplied enough character development/tension to merit a chapter, and thus this was born. I didn’t even mean to write the whole thing. I just thought, "Maybe I can write the first few sentences to set the scene." And then pretty much THE ENTIRE chapter happened. Whereas the previous chapter was really difficult to write for whatever reason, this one came out of the gate running (for equally baffling reasons).
> 
> If you’re curious, I envision Makoto and the girl dancing to Jeremih’s “Don’t Tell Em.” The whole song feels so impersonal (I mean... "I need a companion/Girl I guess that must be you" — obviously this isn’t some sappy romance), plus the song’s got this kind of unsettling undertone. It’s a song that they can easily dance to, that at the same time echoes Haruka’s inner turmoil and dejection at watching Makoto dance with someone, particularly because this is yet another side of Makoto he wasn’t aware of.


	6. To the Station

Hiroto let out a long, relieved sigh as he stepped out into the cool night air. Haruka glanced at his teammate, checking to make sure that he was doing alright. 

“You heading to the station?” Makoto asked Hiroto, following them out of the club. The heavy door swung closed, muffling the blaring music and endless chatter to a dull drone.

“Actually, my older brother only lives about two blocks west of here,” Hiroto replied, still breathing deeply through his nose. “I was just planning to crash there.”

“Do you want us to walk back with you?” Makoto offered, glancing around the dark street. Hiroto waved him off. “Nah, I’m really familiar with this side of town,” he explained. “It’s only a five minute walk, so I’ll be fine.” After a moment, he added, “And thanks for the cover story. It was a lifesaver.”

Makoto smiled in reply. “No biggie. I’m pretty tired, actually.”

_Liar_ , Haruka thought sourly, not missing the way Makoto’s eyes closed when he smiled—an attempt to cover up his well-meaning fib. 

“Well, I hope you guys have a good night,” Hiroto said. He waved at them both before starting off down the street. 

Makoto turned his smile on Haruka, then gestured down the other side of the street. “Should we head to the station, then?”

With a nod, Haruka followed Makoto, falling into step beside him. The night air was nippy, the chill of winter adamantly refusing to relinquish its lingering grip. The city noises echoed around them, rising and falling as cars rumbled past. Tokyo was so different from Iwatobi. Even after a year Haruka still found the constant dull roar of people and machines somewhat astonishing.

“Your teammates seem like nice people,” Makoto said suddenly. Haruka glanced up to see Makoto smiling at him. 

“Yeah,” Haruka replied. “They can be troublesome, but they’re good guys.”

“They’re all such great swimmers, too,” Makoto continued. “It’s a completely different level than high school. The times today would have blown me clear out of the water.” Makoto smiled as he said it, but Haruka caught the slightest twinge in his voice—regret, perhaps? 

“Same with you, Haru,” Makoto added with a laugh. “I’d have zero chance of keeping up with you now. You were amazing today. Congrats on winning your event.”

“Thanks,” Haruka said quietly, restraining himself from rolling his eyes. Makoto had already congratulated him at the end of the exhibition, as well as at dinner. It was actually kind of annoying that he was making such a big deal out of it. Haruka was unable to stop himself from adding, “But really, it was _just_ a friendly exhibition.”

Makoto gave a full-bellied laugh at that, his smile commandeering his face. “Yes, yes, so I’ve heard,” he said teasingly. Haruka frowned at him in reply. 

“Still, Haru, you sure weren’t swimming as though it were just an exhibition,” Makoto pointed out. “I’ve watched you swim many times, and you were obviously giving that race your all.”

Taken off guard, Haruka blinked before giving a small shrug. “I was a little nervous,” he admitted, “so I swam as fast as I could.”

“And you came in first,” Makoto pointed out. “That’s wonderful.”

Haruka shrugged, feeling a touch uncomfortable. “It was a relief, I guess,” he conceded. 

“A relief?” Makoto repeated, his tone changing.

Haruka glanced up to see Makoto watching him in surprise. Haruka frowned, brows lowered as he watched his friend. “Yeah,” he replied, unsure what Makoto was trying to say. “After all the pressure, I was kind of surprised and relieved to come in first.”

“Haru, that’s _wonderful_ ,” Makoto said emphatically, another grin suddenly splitting across his face. 

Haruka shook his head. “Dummy, you’ve already said that,” he grumbled.

“No,” Makoto corrected, still sounding elated. “I mean it’s wonderful that you were happy to win. That always made you so nervous, you know? I’m glad that you’re starting to feel okay with it.”

Makoto’s words stunned him. The slightest hint of red dusting his cheeks, Haruka looked away, toward the store fronts they were passing. He focused on breathing, unsure how to reply to his friend. It was an abrupt reminder of just how well Makoto understood him—almost better than he even understood himself, at times. 

Suddenly, the scene from only half an hour before flooded Haruka’s mind: Makoto swaying to music, swallowed by an unending number of bodies. Chest feeling even more constricted, Haruka was forced to recognize that he couldn’t quite say the same of himself. Obviously there were sides to Makoto that Haruka was unaware of, that Makoto had shared with other people and not him. It was a hopeless feeling, and Haru pressed his lips tightly together, unsure what to do. 

“Ne, Haru,” Makoto said slowly. With a start, Haruka returned his attention to his friend. Makoto was watching him with a small frown, head tilted slightly to the side. _Are you okay?_ that frown asked. With a grimace, Haruka shrugged, glancing away. Truthfully, he didn’t know. Haruka could feel Makoto’s eyes on him like a soft pressure against his left side, but Makoto didn’t press him for anything further.

They walked the rest of the way to the station in silence, the unease in Haruka’s chest refusing to let up. Once inside, Makoto gestured toward the far platform. “Looks like my train’ll be here first,” he said with a quiet smile. “I should probably get going. Thanks for letting me tag along.”

Haruka’s lips pressed together even tighter. Makoto shouldn’t be thanking him—after all, Makoto had been the one to cover Haruka’s ass earlier. Struggling for a reply, Haruka mumbled, “Yeah. Thanks for coming.”

Makoto smiled in reply, a small hint of worry still visible in his eyes. It was obvious that Makoto was restraining himself from asking what was wrong. The realization only compounded the strained feeling in Haruka’s chest, leaving him feeling anxious. 

Makoto started to turn away, and in a rash moment Haruka was overcome by fear—he couldn’t let Makoto walk away. Not when he still felt so entirely uncertain. Casting about for something, _anything_ to say to ease the tension, Haruka blurted out, “Do you like me?”

Makoto froze, eyes widening and mouth falling open just a sliver. The words echoed in the air, untouched for a moment. Then, suddenly, the reality of what he had just said dawned on Haruka. Had he just…? _No, wait._ Haruka’s lips felt numb. _Crap._ Makoto blinked, apparently still searching for words to reply. _Craaap._ His heart thudded slowly, painfully loud in his ears as the world around them dragged to a standstill. Makoto’s intense green gaze left him frozen where he stood. 

Then Makoto’s lips twitched into a familiar smile, his eyes closing and head tilting as their surroundings suddenly caught up with them. “Come on, Haru,” he said in a joking tone. “What on _Earth_ would have given you that idea?”

The words hit Haruka like a pile of ice, stinging cold and sharp against his skin.

“Red line approaching,” a woman announced over the scratchy intercom. “All passengers please remain behind the yellow line until the train doors open. I repeat, red line approaching…”

“Oh, that’s me,” Makoto said quickly, looking behind him toward the platform. “I better go. Night, Haru! Careful going home!”

Haruka watched numbly as Makoto hurried toward the oncoming train, for the third time that day becoming swallowed by the surging crowd. Makoto’s words tumbled about in his head, trickling down his neck and clogging his throat. 

The red train departed, the crowd thinning. Forcing himself to move, Haruka started toward the blue line’s platform, his hands clenched painfully at his sides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first, don’t kill me for Mako’s answer xD I feel like I should maybe hide behind my chair to avoid glares. I’m very aware of how frustrating it can be to read about miscommunication between characters. He has his reasons, which I’ll get to down the line, I promise! (Also, there’s a very small hint earlier in the chapter ;D) Plus, this sets the scene for the next chapter, which I’ve really been looking forward to writing! Sorry, too, that this was a slightly shorter chapter! 
> 
> As I mentioned in the very first chapter’s notes, I’m supposed to be doing Camp Nano, which started last Wednesday. The key phrase here is “supposed to be” … Because I have majorly allowed writing this fanfic to take over all of my writing time, and actually haven’t even started writing for Camp Nano yet. Yikes! I mean, I’m very grateful and happy that so many people have been reading this story x3 It’s kind of surreal! Every time I finish writing a chapter, I think, “Okay, I need to start the other story now.” But then I see how many people are reading this story and leaving kudos or comments, and I’m instantly drawn back into writing the next chapter. Plus, I am totally loving working on this story since it’s so fun! But I am also trying really hard to finish up my current original manuscript, and at this rate I’m going to spend all my time working on the fanfic instead >both stories! But it also probably means that there will be a little longer between new chapters than there has been this first week or so. (Which, holy crud—it’s only been a little over a week. Thank you guys so, SO much for all of the views/kudos/follows!)
> 
> I also have to say, I can never tell if my long, rant-y end notes are interesting or just annoying. I mean, I’ve heard from at least one person that they enjoy them, but I can’t tell if that’s true in general or if most of you guys are sitting out there thinking, “GOD, just shut up!” Or just skipping these altogether (although, in that case, I probably have zero chance of hearing your opinion xD lol). If it wasn’t already obvious, I like to talk about my writing and just ramble in general, but if it’s annoying I’ll put more effort into keeping my notes shorter ^^
> 
> I’ve forgotten to mention this the last few chapters, but as always feel free to check me out on Tumblr under the same name, Konekat :3 Lots of MakoHaru and general Free! posts (and TONS of Makoto being awesome Makoto, because I am incapable of resisting posting things related to that sweet baby x3), as well as general obsessing over my favorite yaoi/BL series.


	7. Oppressive Nights

As March came to a close, Haruka’s life became a whirlwind of unending activity. He had to worry about studying for finals, then the tests themselves, quickly followed by graduation. After the ceremony, Satoshi, Yuuta, and the rest of the seniors bade everyone goodbye. Surprisingly, Jiro dissolved into tears, dragging half the team with him into a sobbing mess. 

One day soon after Haruka got a call from Rei and Nagisa, anxious to tell him about their university plans. They explained that they would be going to different cities. It was clear in their voices how nervous they were to be apart after being attached at the hip for so long, though they tried to hide it. Haruka couldn’t help himself from pessimistically thinking that even being in the same city wouldn’t mean that things would stay the same, though he quickly admonished himself and wished them luck.

The weather warmed as April turned to May and June, heralding extended swim practices with it. Haruka’s days became consumed by the water, the scent of chlorine and the dull throb of tired muscles permeating even the smallest corners of his life. 

All of this left very little time for Makoto, reducing their interactions primarily to texts throughout the day and the rare meet up at their favorite restaurant. 

It felt _wrong_ , not getting to see Makoto. But, much though he tried to ignore it, Haruka also couldn’t help feeling slightly relieved. 

On hot, humid nights, when the oppressive Tokyo air weighed heavily against Haruka’s chest, he would lie awake and marvel at how quickly things had fallen apart. One year. It had only taken one _short_ year to undo everything he had thought he understood about his best friend, an effort of nearly two decades. 

Haruka repeatedly attempted to convince himself that he was making too big a deal out of something so small. But the fact remained that he had completely misunderstood Makoto. Somewhere between all the homework and swimming practices, Haruka had changed. Or, he realized with a feeling of dread, perhaps he hadn’t changed at all. Makoto, after all, could seemingly still read Haruka with ease. 

Had he done something wrong? Had he allowed his new life in Tokyo to take over, blinding him as his best friend slowly evolved? Haruka had to admit that they hadn’t had much chance to spend time together since leaving Iwatobi. He had always thought that they did their best—he and Makoto had found time together whenever they could. But being a university student was _tough_ , and they had been lucky to see each other two or three times a month. 

_Isn’t this what you wanted?_ a small voice in the back of his mind would ask now and then. _If it was such a_ bother _before that Makoto liked you, then why is it a problem now that he doesn’t?_ These thoughts left Haruka feeling even more uneasy, because he didn’t quite have an answer. What Haruka wanted—what he _really_ craved for—was for things between the two of them to just stay the same. He had thought that Makoto not liking him would solve that, but all it had accomplished was throwing everything he thought he understood about their relationship into question.

It was on one of these oppressive evenings, heat boring down on Haruka as he laid on his floor after a particularly exhausting practice, that his phone suddenly rang. For a moment he merely laid where he was, limbs feeling too heavy to bother moving to see who was calling. But as the phone continued to beep persistently, Haruka finally dredged together enough energy to roll himself over toward where his phone lay abandoned on the floor.

The brightly lit screen in the otherwise dim apartment announced that Rin was trying to get a hold of him. With a sigh, Haruka swiped his phone to “Answer” and brought the device to his ear. “Hello?”

“Hey, Haru!” Rin said happily from the other end, not bothering to introduce himself. “You’ll never guess what _awesome_ news I just got!”

With a sigh and a roll of his eyes, Haru allowed himself a small smile. “What’s up?”

“The coach for Australia’s Olympic team is going to be at our next big competition!” Rin said, sounding ready to burst from excitement. “This might be my big chance!”

“That’s awesome,” Haruka said, truly meaning it. “When’s the competition?”

“It’s not for another month,” Rin explained, and Haruka could practically hear his friend grinning on the other end of the line. “I’m definitely going to practice like crazy so I can impress him. You’re going to have to work hard to catch up.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Haruka replied, rolling his eyes again. “But really, Rin, that’s awesome.”

“Yeah, I’m really pumped!” Rin said. “I think Sousuke’s gonna fly down to see it, too.”

“Wow, that’d be nice,” Haruka replied, taken a little off guard. “Is he taking the time off?”

“Yeah, he’s taking a week to come visit,” Rin explained. There was a muffled thump from the other end of the line, and Haruka had a sneaking suspicion that Rin had just thrown himself down on his bed. 

“So, how’ve things been on your end?” Rin asked. “Practicing hard?”

“Yeah,” Haruka replied dreamily. “They have an indoor pool, so we always swim.”

“No duh,” Rin said in a mocking tone. “God, Haru, you’re going to a school that has one of Japan’s best swim teams, of course they’d have an indoor pool.”

Haruka shrugged, heedless of the fact that Rin couldn’t see his response. 

“I got a call from Nagisa the other day,” Rin said, breaking the silence. “Sounds like him and Rei are anxious to start school. I hope the two of them are fine in different cities.”

“Un,” Haruka replied, the thought dredging up feelings he was hoping to avoid for the moment. 

“And what about Makoto?” Rin asked. “Is he managing to survive away from Ran and Ren?”

Haruka blinked, suddenly unsure how to respond. How _was_ Makoto? Fine? He sounded fine from the texts they had exchanged, but with a twist in his gut Haruka realized that they had barely spoken face to face in more than a month. 

“Haru?” Rin asked, sounding worried. “Everything okay with Makoto?”

“Oh, yeah,” Haruka said hesitantly, scolding himself for causing trouble. “He’s doing fine.”

“… You sure?” Rin asked suspiciously. 

“Yeah, sorry, I’m just tired today. He’s fine,” Haruka reassured him, sighing inwardly. Dragging Rin into this wouldn’t help anything—the issue was between Haruka and Makoto.

“Oh, right, so you wouldn’t believe what happened the other day at practice,” Rin said excitedly. “This one guy…”

Haruka let Rin’s animated storytelling wash over him, his thoughts too preoccupied with Makoto to pay attention. Maybe this was just what happened when people started to go their own separate ways. Maybe it was inevitable. Would Nagisa and Rei wind up in the same boat? From the sound of it, those two had only grown even closer together in their final year at Iwatobi. 

Then again, Sousuke and Rin seemed just as close together as ever, despite being nearly 7,000 kilometers apart. So how was it that Makoto and Haruka were having such a hard time living just on the other side of town?

“Hey, Haru. Haru!”

With a start, Haruka looked down at his phone, a rush of embarrassment flooding him. “Sorry, Rin, what was that?” he asked.

Haruka could hear a forceful sigh from the other end of the line. “You sure everything’s okay? If you’re that exhausted, you should just go to bed.”

“Yeah,” Haruka said quietly, a tangle of emotions warring in his chest. 

He was so tired of _not knowing_. It was a contradiction of everything that made up Makoto and him. Their entire relationship balanced on _knowing_ , without words, with only the barest of glances.

Feeling that he might come to regret this, Haruka said slowly, “Hey, Rin… Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course. What’s up?” Rin asked slowly, his voice taking on a more serious tone. 

Haruka took a deep breath. This was stupid. Dragging Rin into this wouldn’t help anything. Still… Before he could stop himself, Haruka quietly asked, “Do you think that Makoto ever maybe, you know … liked me?”

There was a heartbeat of silence.

 _Stupid_ , Haruka thought, ashamed with himself. _You knew this was a_ stupid _idea, and—_

Suddenly Rin burst into wild, uncontrollable laughter. Haruka sat stunned, pulling the phone away from his ear to stare at it dumbfounded as Rin continued to crow.

“Oh my god …!” Rin gasped, still laughing too hard to breath. Haruka frowned, feeling more regret at asking than he had even though possible. “I’m crying!” Rin wheezed.

“Never mind,” Haruka mumbled awkwardly, pulling the phone hesitantly back up to his ear. “I should have known it was a stupid question.”

That seemed to shut Rin up. With another deep breath and a chuckle, he regained control of himself. “Really, Haru, you seriously haven’t figured it out yet?” he asked, sounding disbelieving.

The words made Haruka freeze, unsure what, exactly, Rin was trying to say. 

“Oh,” Rin said, voice suddenly sounding serious. “Wait, really? You don’t know?”

“I mean…” Haruka mumbled, feeling a terrible mix of embarrassed and upset. He didn’t know _what_ , exactly? Anything, apparently, where Makoto was involved.

“Shit,” Rin grumbled uncomfortably. “You expect _me_ , of all people, to explain this? That’s a pretty cruel joke.”

“Sorry,” Haruka said automatically, not quite sure what he was apologizing for. Still, Rin definitely seemed to be upset about it.

“No, no,” Rin replied in irritation, “Whatever, it’s fine. So what, you really can’t tell if he likes you or not?”

“Well…” Haruka said with a small groan. “No. I mean, I _thought_ he did. At least for a little while. But…” He trailed off, feeling even more embarrassed. This was weird, right? Talking with one of his best friends about whether his other best friend had feelings for him or not? Definitely weird. 

“But…?” Rin prompted, sounding faintly annoyed. 

Haruka took a deep breath, steeling himself. “But I don’t think that’s the case. I mean, he told my teammate that we’re like twins.”

“… Okay,” Rin replied, not sounding convinced. “So?”

“ _So_ ,” Haruka continued, started to get a little annoyed himself, “I started thinking that maybe he just thinks we’re like, you know, close brothers or something.”

“… Really? That’s it?” Rin grumbled. “ _That’s_ what’s got you so uncertain?”

“No, yes, well,” Haruka fumbled, growing more upset. “It’s not just that. I mean, I asked him.”

“Wait, what?” Rin asked, suddenly sounding taken a back. “You _did_? Then what’s the problem?”

“He said he doesn’t,” Haruka replied in a small voice. “He doesn’t like me.” Hearing his own voice, which sounded desperate and pathetic, Haruka quickly remedied, “So obviously I just misunderstood. I just—”

“Haru,” Rin said firmly, cutting him off. “Makoto _specifically_ said that he doesn’t like you?”

“He asked me what on _Earth_ would have given me that idea,” Haruka replied bitterly, the words still branded painfully in the forefront of his mind. 

Rin groaned loudly, accompanied by a slam that sounded a lot like him banging his head against something. “God, Haru, you’re so thick. He’s obviously just covering his ass.”

“What?” Haruka asked, taken by surprise. “No, but—”

“Listen,” Rin said, cutting Haruka off yet again. “I’m telling you, that guy has been in love with you longer than I’ve even known you. It’s as obvious as the light of day.”

Rin’s words opened up a window of hope in Haruka’s chest that he hadn’t even known existed. “But what if he does just think we’re like brothers?” Haruka pressed desperately, not willing to give in to that tiny ray of light. “You know how he is with Ran and Ren. He could easily just see me as an older sibling, right?” 

“Seriously, give it some thought: is the way he treats you really the same as the way he treats Ran and Ren?” Rin asked, sounding annoyed again. “Like a sibling?”

“How the hell am I supposed to know?” Haruka shot back, his frustration rising again. “I don’t have any siblings—I don’t know!”

“Okay, okay, whatever,” Rin said with an irritated groan. Then, hesitantly, he added, “And what about you?”

“What about me what?” Haruka asked, confused. 

“You know,” Rin pushed, not elaborating much. “Do you…?”

“What?” Haruka asked again, growing even more irritated.

“Never mind, whatever,” Rin said quickly. “But really, I think everyone just kind of assumed you guys were already, you know…”

“Already what?” Haruka asked suspiciously, an inexplicable feeling of dread rising through his middle. “And who’s ‘everybody’!?”

“Everybody,” Rin replied in exasperation, seeming incapable of fully explaining. “At least everyone on the Iwatobi and Samezuka swim teams.”

Haruka gaped at his phone, not quite sure how to respond to this new revelation. 

“ _What_?” he spluttered incredulously, voice sounding weak. “If that’s the case, then why hasn’t he ever just _said_ anything? Why hasn’t _anyone_ said anything?”

“I don’t know,” Rin said, definitely sounding at the end of his patience. “Listen, Haru, if it really bothers you that much, you should just talk to him about it!”

Taking a deep breath to dispel his unease, Haruka let his shoulders slump. “Yeah… yeah. You’re probably right.”

Rin sighed in exasperation, some of the irritation leaving his tone. “Well, I should probably get going,” he said in a too calm voice. “Dinner’s going to be starting soon over here.”

“Un,” Haruka said quietly in agreement, feeling silly now. “Thanks, Rin,” he mumbled quietly. “For talking.”

“Yeah, yeah, no problem,” Rin replied. “Talk to Makoto, okay?”

“I will,” Haruka replied. He watched as his screen lit up, the red phone icon flashing happily on his screen. 

For a minute he sat stunned, unable to process everything Rin had just said. _Did_ Makoto like him, or didn’t he? It was all such a confusing mess. A part of him—a rather larger part of him than he wanted to acknowledge—clung to what Rin had said. 

_That guy has been in love with you longer than I’ve even known you._

Was it possible? That seemed like a very long time to love someone. Maybe Haruka had been right with the siblings thing—that was, after all, the kind of love that families were supposed to have for each other. 

_Is the way he treats you really the same as the way he treats Ran and Ren?_

Was it? Haruka tried to recall every memory he had of Makoto with the twins. Makoto chiding them not to run, getting them ready for school, seeing them to the bus. Makoto allowing them to tackle him to the ground, pretending to fend off their tickle attacks, letting them climb and hang all over him. Makoto scolding them at the dinner table, breaking up fights, sighing in exasperation as they argued. Tucking them in, ruffling their heads, smiling at them.

Was it really so different? Didn’t Makoto chide him to get ready in the morning, walk with him to school, sigh in exasperation at all of Haruka’s little quirks?

But the way he understood from just a small flicker of Haruka’s eyes exactly what was bothering him… The way a simple word from Haruka could make his entire face light up in a dizzying smile—a full blown acknowledgment could leave him flustered.

And everything Makoto did almost _always_ was for Haruka. He could remember a young boy pleading with him from the top of the slide, begging him to join the swim club. Shaking from fear when Haruka had fallen into the river. Manipulating Haruka into creating a high school swim team for his own good. Silently, patiently waiting for Haruka to accept being part of the relay. Pushing him to reach for his own dream. Encouraging Rin to take him to Australia and give him the space he needed to think. It was always Makoto’s hand that hovered at the edge of the pool, ready and waiting to lift Haruka out. 

A flush heating his face, Haruka was forced to realize that maybe everyone had been able to see clearly what he had always taken for granted. _Obviously_ Rin had said, and perhaps he was right. 

Finally, once and for all, Haruka slowly allowed himself to acknowledge that his best friend was in love with him. It was an odd sensation, one that left his stomach both churning and tingling, but it also brought with it a sense of peace that Haruka had been lacking for a long time. Makoto loved him. Now that he understood, it seemed such a simple, irrefutable truth. 

It still didn’t explain why Makoto had said what he said. _Covering his ass_. Whatever that meant. 

Haruka’s phone rang again suddenly, lighting up on the floor in front of him. He picked it up, heart rate spiking at the sight of Makoto’s name on the screen. He swiped across the screen, then slowly lifted the phone to his ear.

“Hey,” he said in what he hoped was a normal voice.

“Hey,” Makoto said cheerfully from the other end. The sound of his voice clogged at Haruka’s throat—how long had it been since they had done more than exchange characters on a black and white screen? “My night class was canceled just now—want to go grab something to eat?”

Haruka hesitated for the briefest of seconds. Maybe this was too soon. Would it be better to give himself more time to sort through everything? But almost as soon as he thought it, Haruka realized how silly his excuses were. He _missed_ Makoto, and he wasn’t about to turn down a chance to see him.

“Sure,” he replied quickly. “The usual place?”

“Yeah,” Makoto replied, his grin apparent through just that one small word. “Half an hour?”

“I’m leaving now,” Haruka said, already heaving himself up from the floor and throwing on his shoes. 

“Great, see you in a bit,” Makoto said before hanging up.

His voice hung in the air around Haruka, an intoxicating cloud that made Haruka’s head spin. He took a deep breath, closing his apartment door behind him on his way out. Everything was going to be okay. Then, with a small smile, he hurried toward the station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, you guys are all so sweet :D Thanks for reading and commenting! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It wound up being on the longer side :D
> 
> So. Rin. … I don’t even know what to say here xD lol. I’m not quite sure if this will ever become apparent through the text—it’s not something I plan to dwell on—but this chapter basically implies that Rin used to have a very definite thing for Haru. I mean, this is just me going off of how I interpret what has happened in the show. I personally believe that Makoto has loved Haru for a ridiculous amount of time—at the very least since he asked him to join the swim club with him. And I feel like Rin probably liked Haru since the time of their first relay, if not a while longer. Haru has probably had feelings for _both_ of them at one point or another without ever really 100% recognizing that that’s what those feelings are. In this scene, Rin is basically saying, “Really? You’d come to me—who OBVIOUSLY had a crush on you for years—for advice about Mako!?!” But, being the good friend he is, he gives in. (Plus, he has Sousuke now ;D) 
> 
> Anyway, I think Haru, especially, has a hard time with change. Although he can be rather easy going, he’s surprisingly a big stickler for keeping things the way they’ve always been: only swimming free, not wanting to swim in order to win, etc. Given time, he will eventually come around, but it seems to take him longer than most people to adjust to change. I think he needs to slowly become more like Pocahontas (YES, I AM MAKING A DISNEY REFERENCE. I am not ashamed. Lol): “He wants me to be steady. Like the river. But it's not steady at all. … The water’s always changing, always flowing.” I feel like this is something that Haru still needs to come to terms with. Or, well, perhaps he’s aware of it when it comes to the water, but I don’t think he’s aware of it when it comes to his own life. 
> 
> (Also, can we just agree that these are some truly awesome lyrics? “What I like most about rivers is/ You can’t step in the same river twice” — beautiful. And then the end: “Is all my dreaming at an end?/ Or do you still wait for me Dreamgiver,/ Just around the riverbend?” — doubly beautiful. Okay, Pocahontas rant over now.)
> 
> I struggled with this chapter so much. Like, I spent an obscene amount of time on Tumblr and reading MakoHaru fics procrastinating over this chapter. I dunno why it was so hard. I blame Rin. Like, I love Rin, but Mako and Haru occupy about 98% of my Free! daydreaming, so I had never really considered how to approach writing him until it was almost too late xD
> 
> Oh, before I forget to mention, there are a couple references to scenes from the High Speed! light novels. Just in case anyone hasn’t read them and was confused. They’re awesome, if you ever get the chance to check them out. 
> 
> Because I apparently don’t get tired of saying this, check me out on Tumblr (Konekat) if you’d like! ;D


	8. Not Enough

Haruka sat at a booth, staring across the restaurant to the large, windowed entrance. In his rush to get to the restaurant, he had somehow managed to beat Makoto, which left Haruka feeling a bit silly. 

“Here’s your water.”

Haruka turned to see the waiter place a glass in front of him. He mumbled a thanks, peeling the paper wrapper from his straw and taking a long sip.

“You ready to order?” the man asked, reaching toward his order pad.

“No, not yet,” Haruka told him, glancing toward the door again. “I’m waiting on someone.”

“Okay, just holler if you need anything,” the man said with a smile. Haruka nodded, taking another long draught from his glass.

The doorbell tinkered, dragging Haruka’s attention back to the storefront. Makoto walked in, glancing around the room. The sudden sight of Makoto set off a wave of jitters through Haruka’s stomach, though he firmly attempted to squash them. It was only Makoto, after all. Then again, it really _had_ been a long time since he had seen Makoto, and once again Haruka felt a stab of guilt for allowing himself to hide behind his hectic schedule. Makoto’s green eyes brightening as he spotted Haruka. 

“Hey,” Makoto said, sliding into the booth opposite him. “Did you order yet?”

“Not yet,” Haruka said, passing the menu across the table toward Makoto. 

“You didn’t have to wait for me,” Makoto protested, though his bright smile gave away how happy he was regardless. Haruka shrugged in replied, and Makoto’s smile deepened. 

“I’m glad you could meet on such late notice,” Makoto continued, glancing down at the menu. It was an empty gesture, really—they both knew the menu forwards and back by this point. “Things have been so crazy lately, huh?”

“Yeah,” Haruka said quietly, his guilt growing. Makoto paused, lowering the menu to the table and glancing at Haruka. His smile softened in understanding, head tilting slightly to the side. “I miss getting to see you as often, but with us both being so busy I know it’s unavoidable,” he said gently. _Don’t worry_ , his smile added, _I’m not blaming you_. 

_You should_ , Haruka thought, though he covered it up with a small shrug. “It’s still nice to hang out,” he replied. 

Makoto’s smile swelled again, his grin taking up half of his face. It hit Haruka squarely in the chest, and he took a deep breath to steady himself.

“Can I get you a drink, sir?” the waiter asked, drawing Makoto’s gaze. Haruka let out a relieved breath as Makoto’s attention slid away.

“I’ll have some coffee please,” Makoto replied, taking Haruka by surprise. “And I think we’re ready to order.”

“Great, what can I get for you?” the waiter asked, pulling out his order pad and pen. 

“An order of the chicken please,” Makoto said, handing the menu up to the waiter. The man scribbled on his book, then glanced at Haruka. “And for you?”

“The mackerel, please,” he replied, ignoring Makoto’s sigh. 

“Great,” the waiter said, scribbling down Haruka’s order as well. “I’ll be back in a minute with that coffee.”

As he walked away, Haruka pinned his gaze on Makoto. “It’s already past seven,” Haruka said, raising an eyebrow at him skeptically.

“Yeah,” Makoto said with a shrug, glancing away. When he didn’t elaborate, Haruka frowned. 

“But you’re getting coffee?” Haruka prompted, knowing full well that Makoto was avoiding the topic.

“Oh, yeah,” Makoto replied, cheery tone deflating somewhat. He threw Haruka a weak smile. “I’ve got a few things to finish up when I get back tonight.”

Though his tone implied that it was no big deal, Haruka knew better. “Makoto, seriously, how much work do you have?”

“Well, I mean, I have a Physiology exam tomorrow morning that I have to finish studying for,” Makoto said hesitantly. “But it’ll be fine—I’ve had plenty of time to study for it.” _And not nearly enough time to see you_ , his look read. Haruka shrugged uncomfortably. 

Now that Haruka was certain, it was impossible to miss Makoto’s feelings for him. They radiated off of him in waves, overwhelming and bright. Haruka knew from their text conversations that Makoto had been struggling with his new Physiology class, yet he eagerly choose to spend the time he _should_ be studying to get to see Haruka instead. 

On the one hand, it was a major relief. There was no more guessing involved, and Haruka could clearly understand Makoto’s actions. Yet on the other, it was a tad disconcerting. He wasn’t quite sure how to react—how he was _supposed_ to react. Not to mention that Makoto had lied to him about it in the first place.

“Here you go,” the waiter said, placing a cup of coffee and some creamer on the table for Makoto. 

“Thanks,” Makoto told him, grabbing the container of sugar packets from their place along the wall. Haruka restrained a sigh as Makoto tore the tops off of three packets, dumping them all into the small mug at once. Since starting college, Makoto had taken to drinking the stuff somewhat regularly, though he always wound up drowning his coffee in copious amount of cream and sugar until it was more dessert than anything else. 

“You know, my parents want me to come back over summer break this year,” Makoto said, stirring in four of the little creamer cups. “Did you have any plans yet?”

“No,” Haruka replied, taking another sip of his water. “We don’t have any meets over the break this year, though, so I could probably go home too.”

“Really?” Makoto asked, perking up. “I thought for sure you’d have swim team obligations. Nagisa mentioned that he and Rei were also planning on visiting home during the break. We could all get a chance to visit.”

“That’d be nice,” Haruka said with a small smile. “I haven’t seen them since we graduated.”

“I know, right?” Makoto asked. “I’m really looking forward to seeing them both. I’ll let Mom know, then. She said to tell you that everything’s still fine at the house.”

Haruka paused, feeling guilty again for an entirely different reason. “Please tell her thank you,” he told Makoto. “It’s a huge help that she’s been looking after it while I’m gone.”

“I will,” Makoto said with a reassuring smile. “I think she likes looking after it. Plus, it’s good to know that you have a place you can return to if you ever need to.”

“Yeah,” Haruka agreed quietly. It still bothered him that his ridiculous parents couldn’t make up their mind about it. His father apparently thought they should sell the house, but his mother had reasoned that it would be good to hold on to, just in case. Though his father had agreed eventually, he refused to pay someone to check in on it regularly. Makoto’s mom had been nice enough to offer. Haruka decided that he needed to pick up an especially nice thank you gift to bring home with him during break. 

“So how has practice been going?” Makoto asked, taking a long sip from his mug. “Your first major meet is coming up, right?”

“Yeah, next week,” Haruka explained. “We’re going to Nagoya.” 

“That’s awesome!” Makoto said, smile growing. “I’m sure you’ll do great. I wish I could come cheer you on.”

“Don’t even think about it,” Haruka said sternly. “I know how much homework you’ve got.”

“Yeah, I know,” Makoto said with a dejected sigh. “But it still would be nice. I love watching you swim, Haru.”

The words stopped Haruka short, sucking the air from his lungs and leaving him breathless. There it was again. _That_. What was he supposed to say in reply? Just ignore it, or maybe acknowledge it? But even if he could bring himself to acknowledge it, the real question was _how_. He had finally figured it out, right? He understood that Makoto loved him. So why was it still so difficult for Haruka to know how to react?

For a second he hesitated, glancing closely at Makoto. Makoto’s smile had softened again, and he looked questioningly at Haruka, noticing that there was something on his mind.

“Alright, I’ve got your fish and chicken,” the waiter announced suddenly, distracting them both. The waiter placed a beautiful looking plate of mackerel in front of Haruka, who welcomed the chance to look away. As the waiter placed Makoto’s order in front of him, Makoto continued to watch Haruka, waiting for him to say what was on his mind. Feeling a rush of embarrassment, Haruka quickly busied himself in taking out his chopsticks and digging into the food in front of him. After a moment, Makoto followed suit, still smiling kindly. 

Makoto chatting some about his classes while they ate, complaining about his Life Sciences professor. Haruka listened in content, relieved that Makoto wasn’t pushing him. It was nice to just hang out—it had been so long since he had even just heard Makoto talk. Haruka let Makoto’s voice fill his head as he made quick work of the delicious mackerel. 

As the waiter passed them, Makoto flagged him down for some more coffee. Haruka pressed his lips together, restraining himself from saying anything as the waiter filled Makoto’s cup. Part of him wanted to scold Makoto to take better care of himself, yet he had to admit that Makoto’s insistence on spending his free time with Haruka made him happy. 

Makoto’s spoon scraped against the cup as he stirred more sugar and creamer into his drink, producing a rhythmic, calming sound. Haruka finished the last of his food, sitting back and taking a deep breath. Now that he was done, he sort of regretted eating so fast—his conscious was yelling at him to send Makoto on his way so he could get some studying done and not stay up half the night. Haruka selfishly pushed away those thoughts, however, reasoning that Makoto was still working on his own food.

“We should go swimming sometime,” Makoto said suddenly, taking Haruka off guard. “That is, if you want. I know you’re in the pool every day now, but we haven’t gotten to swim together in a long time.”

Makoto looked… hesitant. Haruka couldn’t quite explain it. It was as though Makoto was afraid to hear Haruka’s reply, and Haruka slowly realized that this was more than just a simple offer. _It’s meaningless without you_ , Makoto had once said. And though he had chosen a career that revolved around the pool, Haruka suddenly wondered how often Makoto had gone swimming now that he was in school. Haruka knew how busy Makoto was with classes—he probably hadn’t been in the pool in a long time. But he was asking _Haruka_ to swim with him. 

Fighting against a rising mix of confusion, eagerness, and an oddly hollow sadness, Haruka nodded. “It’ll be busy for a while, but I’m sure we can find some time to go together.”

Makoto smiled, his face so full with relief and obvious joy that Haruka was nearly blinded. It was unbearable. Even knowing that Makoto loved him, Haruka still felt guilty, as if somehow by merely being aware of Makoto’s feelings he was intruding upon something. Although it was less unsettling than being uncertain had been, it still left Haruka hesitating before each word. 

He couldn’t stand it. If he let this continue, Haruka was fairly certain that he’d allow himself to slide back into the craziness of his everyday routine, nervous of how to act around Makoto. He didn’t want that. Steeling himself, Haruka decided that he had to do _something_. 

He eyed Makoto as the larger boy finished his food and drained the last of his coffee from his cup. _Just do it_ , he scolded himself. _Make it quick, like a bandaid_. He took another deep breath.

“Makoto.”

Makoto looked up from his cup, patient understanding quickly settling across his face, waiting for Haruka to speak. For a moment Haruka’s mouth worked wordlessly. How was it that Makoto could understand something so little _instantaneously_?

“I know that you like me,” Haruka said firmly, willing himself not to glance away in embarrassment. Makoto’s eyes widened, shoulders tensing in surprise. For a brief second Haruka wondered if he had done the wrong thing—he didn’t want to make Makoto uncomfortable. He could practically see the war going on behind Makoto’s eyes as he tried to decide how to respond.

Then Makoto slowly exhaled, his shoulders relaxing again as he made up his mind. He smiled sweetly at Haruka, brows lowering almost apologetically over his green eyes. “Yeah,” he said in a soft voice.

Haruka blinked, unsure how to respond to Makoto’s unexpectedly straight forward admission. Face flushing, he folded his arms and glanced away, looking out at the rest of the restaurant. 

“Dummy,” he mumbled, trying to hide his embarrassment. “If that’s the case, you should have just said so before.”

Makoto laughed softly, the sound echoing through Haruka’s chest. “Sorry, you’re right,” Makoto agreed. “You just took me off guard the other day. I wasn’t sure how to reply.”

Haruka chanced a glance back at Makoto, cheeks still tinged red. “I don’t like it when you lie,” Haruka told him stubbornly, unsure of what else to say. “So don’t.”

“Alright,” Makoto reassured him with a smile. “I won’t, Haru-chan.”

“Drop the -chan.”

Makoto laughed again, and Haruka allowed himself an uneven breath. There. He had done it. Everything seemed normal still, which was a good sign. 

“You guys ready for the check?” the waiter asked, again appearing at their side and whisking away their plates. 

“I’ll take it,” Makoto said cheerfully, ignoring Haruka’s disapproving glare as he accepted the bill. As the waiter moved away, Makoto shot Haruka a grin. “My treat.”

“Thanks,” Haruka replied, suddenly feeling uncomfortable again. Restraining himself from pouting, he watched as Makoto took out his wallet. 

“I’ll talk with my mom about break this weekend,” Makoto said, pulling some out some bills. “You focus on your meet next week, and afterwards we can talk about the details.”

“Kay,” Haruka replied, trying to put a finger on Makoto’s tone. He sounded airy, almost too nonchalant. 

Was he missing something? Just a moment ago, everything had seemed like it was back to normal, just like it should be. 

Makoto smiled sweetly at him, and Haruka’s frown deepened. There definitely was something he was still missing, he realized. Makoto wasn’t angry, or sad, or disappointed. He looked perfectly happy. But his eyes betrayed something that Haruka couldn’t quite pin down. It was as if he were sitting in silent patience, no rush whatsoever. 

Haruka’s stomach dove, a sudden thought creeping into his mind. He pushed it as far away as he possibly could, sternly erasing its existence from his memory. All he wanted was for things to be the way they always had. Acknowledging Makoto’s feelings would have to be enough. He resolutely refused to consider it any further.

“Well, you ready to head back?” Makoto asked, his voice belying that very same patience that rested in his eyes. 

_No_ , Haruka wanted to yell. _It’s not enough—why isn’t it enough?_

“Sure,” he lied, heart seizing in his chest. “You need to study.”

It was there in the way Makoto watched him, in the green glint of his eyes. Makoto _knew_. He could tell that Haruka was lying. Haruka felt a guilty stab of anxiety, words failing him yet again. Hadn’t he just made Makoto promise not to lie? _This is different_ , he convinced himself. _He needs to get home to study_. It had nothing to do with Haruka’s own uncertainty. Of course it didn’t.

“I guess you’re right,” Makoto said with a sigh. He glanced at Haruka, his eyes waiting in comfortable patience. Haruka looked away, trying to convince himself that he didn’t understand what, exactly, Makoto was waiting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really tough to write. I have to apologize—I really don’t feel as though the level of writing is on par with some of the earlier chapters. Plus, it’s been a week since the last update, yikes! However, I want to keep pushing on and get to writing a new chapter, so hopefully you guys will enjoy this one as it is. Now that we’re more than halfway through the story, I’m really intent on getting it wrapped up. There are still five chapters left after this one. If I’m correct, I think they’re going to be some of the more “fun” chapters—I’m at least really looking forward to writing them. Expect to see Rei and Nagisa in the near future ;D I’m really going to push to get another chapter written and posted soon. At the very least it will NOT be another week. I’ve sort of given up hope on working on my original manuscript (for the moment) and instead am continuing to devote all of my writing time to this fic. I figure I can go back to focusing on my manuscript once I finish up. With that in mind, I’m really hoping to wrap this story up by the end of the month (if not a little before). At this rate, it looks like this fic will wind up being about 30k words, maybe slightly longer, and I figure that’s pretty decent progress as a rebel NaNo project, especially for Camp NaNo (as opposed to the full-blown deal in November). 
> 
> I don’t want to get everyone’s hopes up too high, but I actually have a few ideas for future fics, including a series of MakoHaru oneshots/drabbles (presumably taking place chronologically following this fic) and possibly a few other pairings (although I’m not putting anything 100% in stone yet, since I want to make sure I have a comfortable handle on the characters and development before I dive into that—I’m thinking SouRin, ReiGisa, _possibly_ MomoTori... possibly. Like I said, I want to make sure the stories feel natural in my head. Definitely open to other pairings as well). My guess is that, although I’ll shift my focus to my original manuscript once I finish up this fic, I’ll probably update the MakoHaru drabbles intermittently. Anyway, once I finish up Patience, I’ll have a clearer picture and will let you guys know. In the meantime, if there’s anything in particular you’d love to see (either a pairing or an idea for a drabble), I would love to hear about it! :D I’m not making any promises, but it’d be fun to get the creative gears started back up :D


	9. The Festival

They got off the train to find the station unusually crowded, packed with people making their way to the festival.

“Nagisa said that we should meet up near the large oak tree outside,” Makoto told him, pointing toward the exit. Haruka nodded, following Makoto as he wove his way through the crowd.

Once they got outside, Haruka let out a relieved breath, glad to be in the open night air. Although the front of the station was similarly busy, a cool breeze came in from the shore, and Haruka took a deep breath of ocean air.

“It doesn’t look like they’re here yet,” Makoto said, craning his neck around to glance through the mass of people. “Why don’t we sit down over there to wait?”

Haruka looked where Makoto was pointing to see an empty bench on one side of the massive oak. “Yeah,” he agreed, heading over to the bench.

“It’s nice to be back,” Makoto said as they sat down. He was looking down the long line of stalls. “It’s been a while.”

Haruka silently agreed, watching as the lanterns bobbed in the slight ocean breeze. Although the docks were noisy, with an endless sea of chatter and laughter surging from all around, Haruka had to admit that it was calming to see the familiar sight.

“I think my mom really liked that pot you got for her,” Makoto said, grinning at Haruka.

“I hope so,” Haruka replied. “With everything she does for the house, it’s the least I could do.”

Makoto smiled, green eyes twinkling, and Haruka crossed his arms. It had been two weeks since the day in the restaurant when Makoto had finally admitted his feelings, and Haruka was still struggling with how, exactly, to act around him. Sometimes, Haruka could manage to fool himself into believing that everything had returned to the way it should be —the way things had been before. But this never lasted very long. Things just weren’t the same, and it left Haruka a touch unnerved and hesitant. 

Every now and then a small voice in the back of his head would remind Haruka that he did have _some_ idea of what to do. But acknowledging that voice would mean accepting that things had changed. It would mean addressing whether he, himself, had also changed. It would mean _defining_ that change. And that was something Haruka was not ready to do. 

So instead he bore Makoto’s torturously patient smiles, such as the one he was currently bestowing upon Haruka, and did his best to pretend that everything was normal.

“Coach Tachibana!”

Haruka looked up to see a group of children rushing toward Makoto, wide grins plastered over their faces. 

“I _knew_ it was you!” one of the boys said, tackling Makoto with a bear hug. The three other kids followed suit, charging a laughing Makoto. 

“Hey, guys!” Makoto said, beaming as he untangled himself from the mass of kids. “Look at how _big_ you’ve all gotten! Are you here for the festival?”

The kids all clamored to be heard above the others, gushing about how excited they were to play the games and wander the stalls. Makoto’s gaze softened as he listened to them all.

A warmth blossomed in Haruka’s chest as he watched Makoto smile and laugh. It was so obvious how well suited Makoto was for his profession of choice. He brought out the best in each of the kids he taught, and in turn working with the children simply made him _happy_. Haruka was so proud of his friend for finding the perfect career, and he knew just how hard Makoto worked each and every day to make that dream a reality. 

“Akira! Time to get going!” one of the moms called, waving the kids over. With a collective disappointed “Awww!” the kids said goodbye to their old instructor, promising to continue swimming. Makoto watched them leave, green eyes glowing as he waved goodbye. 

“I bet they love to swim so much because of you,” Haruka said softly, watching as the kids disappeared into the crowd. With a start Makoto turned to Haruka. For a moment his eyes widened in surprise, then somehow his smile managed to grow even softer. 

“I’m just glad that they’re having so much fun,” Makoto said.

“Mako-chan! Haru-chan!”

Haruka and Makoto had only a moment to look up before both were tackled once more, this time by a much larger, though still childish, person. 

“It’s so good to see you!” Nagisa gushed, arms wrapped tightly around both of them. “I missed you guys so much!”

“Indeed,” Rei chimed in. Haruka glanced over Nagisa’s mop of blonde hair to see Rei standing a safe distance away, smiling happily behind his red-rimmed glasses. “It’s been much too long. Though you should probably let them breath, Nagisa-kun…”

Giggling, Nagisa bounced a step back, giving Makoto and Haruka enough room to stand up. “Have you two been waiting here long?” Nagisa asked, glancing around. “Sorry we’re late,” Rei added apologetically. “Nagisa-kun was taking too long and we missed the first train.”

“No, we’ve only been here a few minutes,” Makoto assured them both, smiling happily. 

“See, Rei?” Nagisa asked, crossing his arms. “It was fine.”

Rei opened his mouth, no doubt to continue bickering, but Makoto quickly forestalled the building argument. “Why don’t we start walking?” he asked looking between the two. “What does everyone want to do?”

“I want to eat!” Nagisa announced loudly. 

“You _always_ want to eat,” Rei complained, adjusting his glasses. “Can’t we do something else first?”

“But I’m already hungry,” Nagisa whined, pouting at Rei. “You’re no fun, Rei-chan.”

“How about,” Makoto said loudly, “we just walk around and go to whatever catches our interest?”

“Oh, good idea Mako-chan!” Nagisa replied, frown instantly becoming a beaming smile. “That way, we can stop at _every_ food stall!” He threw a wink over his shoulder at Rei, who was sighing in exasperation, then quickly skipped toward the first few stalls. “Come on, everyone!”

Rei muttered, shaking his head in consternation, but followed nonetheless. With a sheepish smile that said, _Well, that’s Nagisa for you_ , Makoto shrugged. Haruka followed, a small smile on his face. Similar to the festival, Nagisa was loud and full of energy, but a welcome familiar sight. It really _had_ been far too long since he had gotten to hang out with his friends. 

“So how is school going, you guys?” Makoto asked as they wove their way through the crowd. 

“It’s very interesting!” Rei said excitedly, glancing back toward Makoto and Haruka. “I’m thinking of going into the chemical side of engineering, and the science behind it all is _fascinating_.”

“I think you mean _bor-ing_ ,” Nagisa corrected, once again pouting at Rei. Nagisa turned beseechingly to Makoto. “He has _mountains_ of homework every night and almost never has time to talk to _me_!”

“Well what about you, Nagisa?” Makoto asked. “Have you been settling in alright?”

“Oh yeah,” Nagisa said, head bobbing. “I’ve made a bunch of fun new friends!”

“And has been shirking his homework, no doubt,” Rei added with a regretful sigh, frowning worriedly at Nagisa. 

“Nuh-uh,” Nagisa protested, sticking his tongue out a Rei. “I was just smart and chose to take easy classes for my first semester.”

Shaking his head, Rei looked toward Makoto and Haruka. “What about you two? How’s everything in Tokyo?”

“Busy,” Haruka replied simply, shrugging a bit. “A lot of swimming.”

“That’s just like you, Haru-chan!” Nagisa said with a grin, elbowing Haruka in the side. “Have you been swimming too, Mako-chan?”

“Haa, I wish,” Makoto replied. “I’ve been busy keeping up with all of my classwork.”

“What classes have you been in?” Rei asked curiously, ignoring as Nagisa rolled his eyes. 

“Well this semester I’m in Physiology and Life Sciences, as well as a couple core classes,” Makoto explained, listing them off on his fingers. “And—whoa, Haru!”

Suddenly Makoto’s arm snaked around Haruka’s waist, yanking him to the side. Haruka glanced around in surprise as a teenager on a skateboard dashed right through where he had been standing.

“Watch it!” Rei angrily yelled after the kid. “They don’t even _allow_ skateboards on the docks!”

“You okay, Haru?” Makoto asked worriedly. Haruka froze, suddenly noticing how close Makoto’s face was to his own. Makoto’s arm was still firmly wrapped around his back, and he was making no effort to remove it. Instead, Makoto leaned even closer, his worried green eyes filling Haruka’s vision. Unsure how else to react, Haruka shrugged and wiggled away from Makoto, glancing awkwardly toward the ground. “I’m fine,” he mumbled, focusing on keeping his cheeks from flushing. “Really.”

“Oh!” Makoto said sheepishly, quickly letting Haruka go. Haruka looked up to see Nagisa and Rei both glancing between the two of them with worried frowns. A long moment of awkward silence stretched, a rising panic slowly making its way up Haruka’s throat. Had he done something wrong? Makoto had just taken him by surprise, and—

“Oh look, ikayaki!” Nagisa said suddenly, pointing toward a green stall up ahead. “I’m starving! Let’s get something to eat!” He excitedly began dragging Makoto toward the stall, glancing significantly at Rei.

“Actually, I’m pretty hungry too,” Rei said smoothly, as if he weren’t completely contradicting his early statement. He looked toward Haruka with a smile. “What about you, Haruka-senpai? Should we go get some?”

“Sure,” Haruka said quietly, following Rei. It made him uncomfortable that Nagisa and Rei felt they needed to cover for him. Here they were, finally getting to spend some time together, and he had somehow managed to make everything awkward. 

“Five orders of ikayaki, please!” Nagisa said happily, handing over the money. Taking one in each hand, he stepped back so everyone else could grab theirs. 

“Why don’t we sit down somewhere to eat?” Rei asked, eyeing his food sidelong. 

Nagisa reluctantly agreed with a sigh—obviously he was of the mindset that fair food was better eaten while enjoying the sights.

“Lucky we’re still near the front,” Makoto said, pointing toward the other side of the dock. “It looks like they have some picnic tables over there.”

Haruka followed as they made their way across the thick throng of people, keeping his attention focused on Rei and Nagisa and away from Makoto. 

“Let’s sit at this one!” Nagisa said happily, dropping down onto the bench of one of the open tables. Haruka slid onto the bench next to him, leaving Rei and Makoto room on the opposite side of the table. From the corner of his eye, Haruka could see Makoto hesitate as Rei sat down. 

“You know, I’m actually pretty thirsty, too,” Makoto said, glancing around the table. “Why don’t I go grab drinks for all of us while you guys get started on the food?”

Rei frowned in concern, glancing uncertainly up at Makoto. “Are you sure? Do you want me to come with you and help carry?” he offered, starting to stand back up.

Makoto smiled sweetly, waving his hand at Rei. “No, it’s fine. You guys haven’t gotten to visit in forever. I’ll just get a drink carrier—it’s no problem.” Then he turned and strode away, heading back toward the direction of the stands. Haruka watched his retreating figure with a pang of guilt. He hadn’t meant to make Makoto so self-conscious. _So what was I supposed to do?_ he asked himself, shifting uneasily.

“Okay, spill it, Haru-chan,” Nagisa said suddenly, leaning toward him intently. “What happened between you and Mako-chan?”

“Nagisa-kun!” Rei scolded, scoffing as he glared across the table. But Nagisa merely waved him off, eyes still drilling into Haruka’s.

“Nothing,” Haruka lied, shrugging uncomfortably.

“ _That_ was not ‘nothing,’” Nagisa said accusingly.

With a sigh, Rei relented. “He’s right—it’s obvious that something’s going on.”

“It’s no big deal,” Haruka muttered, glancing away. Didn’t Makoto say they should catch up? An interrogation was not his idea of a friendly chat.

“If you don’t spill,” Nagisa said firmly, “then we’ll just have to guess until we get it right.” He grinned wickedly at Rei, who looked slightly taken back. Haruka felt a sudden sense of dread well in the bottom of his stomach. “No, Nagisa…”

“Did he fuck some chick?” Nagisa asked abruptly, face completely straight. Haruka choked, going red in the face.

“ _Nagisa-kun_ …!” Rei said in horror.

But Nagisa was already shaking his head. “Not that, huh? Then did _you_ fuck somebody?” 

He was serious. He was _completely_ serious! Haruka managed to shake his head, taking a deep breath to regain his composure. On the other side of the table, Rei looked like he wished he could disappear —either that, or strangle his friend.

“Nobody’s fucking anyone,” Haruka replied with an embarrassed glare, folding his arms and trying to look less uncomfortable than he felt. 

“Oh,” Nagisa said. His face dropped, as though he were actually _disappointed_ by this turn of events. Suddenly he grinned maliciously again, pinning Haruka with a stare. “Was he making out with someone, then?”

“Jeez, _enough_ ,” Haruka said desperately, looking away in embarrassment. A mom at a nearby table was glaring at their not-so-kid-friendly topic of conversation, making Haruka wince. He looked back to see Nagisa and Rei both watching him expectantly. _What did I just get myself into?_ he wondered miserably.

“Well, just…” he started uncertainly. The way Rei and Nagisa were both leaning closer toward him was not helping in the least bit. With a forced sigh, Haruka glanced away again. “He told me he loved me.”

“ _Ohhh_ ,” Nagisa said, understanding dawning across his surprised face. Feeling uncomfortable with the way Nagisa was looking at him, Haruka glanced toward Rei for help. Rei, however, was watching him with equal understanding. God, did _everyone_ know? Apparently Rin hadn’t been lying…

“So, you guys are going out now?” Nagisa asked, nudging Haruka for a better explanation.

“What?” Haruka asked quickly, taken by surprise. “No.”

Nagisa and Rei both frowned, glancing at each other. “So, you broke up…?” Nagisa asked, sounding confused. 

“ _No_ ,” Haruka said, a touch more forcefully. 

“Wait, _you turned him down_?” Nagisa gasped, sounding utterly horrified. 

“ _No_!” Haruka said, feeling completely embarrassed and annoyed. Nagisa and Rei shared another significant glance, and Haruka groaned in frustration.

“Haruka-senpai … haven’t you given him an answer yet?” Rei asked slowly.

Haruka frowned and looked away yet again, not wanting to see their reactions. Hearing Rei, of all people, ask as if it were the only natural response gave a weight to his reply that Haruka did not want to acknowledge. 

“Haru-chan!” Nagisa said in an admonishing tone. “You can’t just leave Mako-chan hanging like that!”

“It’s not like it was a normal confession or anything,” Haruka mumbled, wishing they could just drop the subject. “All I did was _ask_ him if he liked me, and he said yes. Besides, our relationship isn’t like that.”

He chanced a glance at the other two, then instantly regretted it. They were both watching him with worried frowns. The way they talked they made it sound so simple, but they just didn’t understand. Haruka and Makoto’s relationship wasn’t like that—it was different. It just _was_. Saying yes or no meant changing that, _defining_ it. 

“Really,” Rei said calmly, “I think if Makoto-senpai confessed to you, it’s only proper for you to—”

“I’ve got the drinks!” Makoto called suddenly from behind them. Haruka jumped, face flushing in embarrassment. Makoto hadn’t _heard_ them, had he?

“And look who I bumped into,” Makoto said. Haruka looked up to see Makoto striding towards them, drinks in hand and an annoying pink bug attached to his side. Haruka grimaced in distaste, eyeing the arm Kisumi had casually draped over Makoto’s shoulders.

“Hey, guys!” Kisumi said excitedly. “Long time no see, eh Haru?”

“Yeah,” Haruka muttered, frowning. He glanced back to find Nagisa eyeing him significantly. “What?” Haruka asked grumpily. “Oh, nothing, nothing,” Nagisa said in a suffering voice, sharing a look across the table with Rei.

“Would you two stop doing that?” Haruka snapped, his frown deepening as Nagisa winked at him.

“My kid brother ditched me for his swimming friends,” Kisumi complained, leaning against Makoto as the older man passed out the drinks. “Can you believe that? I’m so glad I bumped into Makoto!”

Haruka could feel his eyebrow twitch in anger. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath through his nose. 

“Here, Haru,” Makoto said, holding out the last of the drinks toward him. Haruka took it, still not looking Makoto in the eye—at this point, he wasn’t sure if he could restrain his frustration with Kisumi from bleeding through his expression. 

“So, where were you guys headed?” Kisumi asked, finally removing his arm. Haruka felt his shoulders ease a fraction of an inch.

“I think we were about to head down the docks and see what all’s here this year,” Makoto replied, glancing toward the rest of them.

“Yup!” Nagisa agreed, hopping up from the table. 

“Cool, sounds fun to me!” Kisumi said, grinning up at Makoto. “Mind if I join in?”

“Of course not,” Makoto told him with a warm smile, sending Haruka’s shoulders straight back up to his ears. 

The group started off, though Rei paused to glance at Haruka. “Are you coming, Haruka-senpai?” he asked, sounding hesitant. Haruka stiffly pushed himself up from the table, shuffling to follow. “Yeah.”

As they made their way further along the stalls, Haruka walked beside Rei and Nagisa, behind Makoto and Kisumi. His immediate instinct was to step in between the two classmates, acting as an (admittedly unwilling) barrier between Makoto and Kisumi’s hands-y nature. But given how awkward things had become, Haruka restrained himself with some difficulty, instead watching tensely as the two of them chatted and caught up. 

Makoto laughed at something Kisumi said, the sound constricting around Haruka’s lungs and making it hard to breathe. Kisumi put a hand on Makoto’s shoulder, shaking his head as he laughed. Nauseated by the scene in front of him, Haruka looked away, only to find Nagisa watching him thoughtfully. 

“Say, Haru-chan,” Nagisa said quietly, glancing toward Makoto. “If your relationship with Mako-chan ‘isn’t like _that_ ,’ then why does Shigino-kun bother you so much?”

“Kisumi is just annoying,” Haruka grumbled, worried that Makoto might overhear them despite the loud din of the crowd. “That has nothing to do with Makoto.”

“So you’re telling me it wouldn’t bother you if anyone else was doing that to Mako-chan, then?” Nagisa asked, innocently raising his eyebrows.

The question stopped Haruka short. He opened his mouth to reply and realized that he wasn’t quite sure how to answer. _Would_ it matter?

“Come on,” Nagisa said suddenly, grabbing Haruka’s wrist. “We’re getting left behind.” Haruka allowed Nagisa to drag him as they hurried after the others, Nagisa’s question still spinning through his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! This chapter was SO MUCH fun to write, and it wound up being on the longer side! I hope you all had as much fun reading it as I had writing it :3 
> 
> Feel free to use your imagination to guess why Rei and Nagisa were late ;) I haven’t decided if they’ve gotten together or not by this point, although I’m leaning more towards the side that they probably have. Nagisa went over to Rei’s place and they left together from there, in case you were wondering. Also, forgive me for not supplying a story for what Kisumi has been up to since high school. Honestly, I could 100% picture him working as a host, but I’m really not sure if I want to swing things in that direction, especially considering that I don’t plan to have him pop up in any of the later chapters. For the sake of brevity, we’re just going to assume that Kisumi has already met Rei and Nagisa and skip the introductions ;D
> 
> I have to say, writing about all of them hanging out together was more difficult than I expected. It was fun, yes, but also difficult! x0 I think that’s because Nagisa is so hyper and Rei gets baited into replying, and it’s easy to forget about Haruka kind of silently watching everything play out. It’s not like in the anime, where even though Nagisa’s stealing the spotlight you can still see Haruka standing with all of them. When the focus is on the dialogue, it’s easy for him to get lost in between. So I tried really hard not to let him fade into the background here.
> 
> That said, Nagisa and Rei sure were fun to write~~! This whole chapter has really made me think about how a ReiGisa story would play out. I think it’d be a ton of fun to do x3
> 
> Also, while writing this it really hit me how wonderful these four are. Like, I’ve always loved them. But even though I’ve always know this, when you really sit and think about it, the four of them always have each others’ backs, and it’s really awesome. Makoto’s just kind of the natural peace-keeper of the group, which is just lovely, but no matter what they ALL will do their best to help each other out. 
> 
> We’re getting ever closer to the end, here :D I was wrong last time and said that there were only five chapters left. Obviously I can’t math. But I assure you that NOW there are only five chapters left (for real this time!). The angsty fun will continue, and will probably become even angstier. I’m just warning you right now: it’s going to get worse before it gets better ;D However, I think it’s also going to continue to be fun, particularly as Haru becomes more and more aware of his own feelings. As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts :3 And feel free to check me out under the same name (Konekat) on Tumblr!


	10. Bathtub Musings

The train rattled as they sped through the night, the darkness outside the windows all-encompassing in contrast to the bright lights of the train car. Although the train was rather more packed than normal, considering the fair crowds, it was surprisingly quiet—most of the occupants were worn out from the evening’s fun. 

Makoto sat quietly at Haruka’s side, his gaze focused on the window opposite them. After the turbulent evening, Haruka was glad for the silence. It wasn’t _quite_ an easy silence, per se. The residual tension from earlier hung like a thin film in the air between them, nearly invisible but constantly on the edge of awareness. 

Nagisa’s words continued to play through his mind. _Why does Shigino-kun bother you so much?_

_He’s always hanging off of people_ , Haruka thought grumpily. _That has nothing to do with Makoto in particular. Kisumi does that to everyone, including me. It’s just annoying._

_Then it wouldn’t bother you if anyone else was doing that to Mako-chan?_

This question stuck in Haruka’s head, refusing to budge no matter how hard he tried to erase it. _Did_ it matter?

With a feeling of discomfort in the pit of his stomach, Haruka realized that he _hadn’t_ been okay with it at the club. Watching Makoto dance with that girl… Haruka breathed heavily through his nose, becoming a touch irritated. What could he say? Maybe he just was easily annoyed by overly-touchy people.

Then again, what about when he heard about that girl’s confession? Hadn’t _that_ put Haruka on edge as well? Or even just knowing that Makoto’s classmates knew more about him that Haruka did. He clenched his hands, trying to force the thought from his mind.

_Did he fuck some chick?_

Truthfully, Haruka had never even considered that as a possibility. Makoto always turned down the girls—and guys, supposedly—that confessed to him. Now, of course, it was easy to see why. Haruka’s frown deepened at that thought, stomach squirming nervously. 

So then why did the thought of Makoto hooking up with a stranger bother him so much? 

_Haven’t you given him an answer yet?_ , Rei had asked. But Haruka wasn’t sure if he _had_ an answer to give.

Steeling himself with a deep breath, Haruka glanced at Makoto, still sitting quietly by his side. Makoto caught his gaze, smiling peacefully at him, and suddenly Haruka couldn’t breathe. He hesitated for a moment, willing himself to smile, say something, do _anything_ to show Makoto that he wasn’t mad. But the words wouldn’t come. 

Makoto waited patiently, his head tilting ever so slightly to the side. Embarrassed, Haruka looked away again. _Coward_ , he thought accusingly. 

Did he love Makoto?

Haruka grimaced, lips curling into a frown. That was like a trick question. Makoto had always been there, like a sturdy dock he knew was always waiting at the shore. Haruka relied on him. So how was he supposed to differentiate his lifelong dependence on his best friend from romantic interest? 

“Now approaching Iwatobi Station,” a voice announced over the speakers. The train eased to a stop, the muted din of the crowd rising a notch as passengers shuffled about.

Makoto stood beside him, stretching his arms over his head before turning to face Haruka. “Ready?” he asked, holding out his hand. Haruka hesitated only a moment before grabbing it, looking pointedly toward the opening doors as Makoto helped him up. 

Makoto led the way, trailing the other Iwatobi residents as they disembarked the train and headed out into the night. He repeatedly glanced back at Haruka to ensure they hadn’t been separated. Once they reached the main street, he fell in step next to Haruka.

They didn’t speak as they walked, the warm night wrapped snuggly about them. Obviously Makoto had realized that Haruka needed some room to think, though he somehow managed to keep the silence from being awkward.

_That’s just how it is_ , Haruka thought stubbornly. Makoto and Haruka. It was a simple as that. 

Yet the thought rang too close to what he had told Nagisa earlier: _our relationship isn’t like_ that.

How could their friendship just be like “that,” without being like “ _that_ ”? What did “that” even mean?

_Just friends_ , Haru told himself. _That’s all._

But wasn’t Kisumi “just friends” with Makoto, too? Shifting his shoulders uncomfortably, Haruka risked another glance at Makoto walking next to him.

Alright, so _maybe_ the reason he hated Kisumi _was_ because of Makoto after all. Maybe it was because he hated the thought of Kisumi taking Makoto away. The threat had always been there. Every time those hands closed around Makoto, Haruka couldn’t help an irrational, momentary fear that they would drag Makoto away. It was, Haruka realized with a jolt, the same numb, sickening feeling he had had at the club, watching the girl drag Makoto into the crowd. 

Haruka didn’t want anyone to take Makoto away. He couldn’t stand the thought of _anyone_ being around Makoto when he wasn’t.

Suddenly, Haruka listened to his own thoughts. That … well, truthfully, that sounded a lot like love, didn’t it? It truly did seem that what the two of them had was more than just friendship.

But didn’t being in love also imply other ... things? Things like dating, and everything that went with it? Haruka may not have had much of an interest in all of that growing up, but it hadn’t stopped him from overhearing his male classmates’ conversations. He knew what was involved. Didn’t being in love mean not only having feelings for the person, but also feeling some level of physical attraction? Wanting to do _things_ together?

With a rising sense of dread, Haruka struggled to push those thoughts away. It was all so _complicated_. Everything that their friendship wasn’t supposed to be.

Besides, Haruka had never really thought of Makoto in that way. He had never really thought of _anyone_ in that way.

And even if Haruka _did_ love Makoto, then what? Even if Haruka told him, what would that accomplish? Things between the two of them wouldn’t be the same. And that’s all Haruka really wanted, after all—for things to just stay how they always had been. 

Makoto slowed beside Haruka. Haruka followed suit, realizing with surprise that they had already reached the steps leading to Makoto’s parents’ house. 

“Have a good night, Haru,” Makoto said gently, the smallest touch of uncertainty still lingering in his gaze. 

Haruka felt a twinge of guilt. He had no idea what to say or do to convince Makoto that things were alright, to explain that he was sorry. For a rash moment Haruka considered simply telling him that he loved him too.

But the words froze on his tongue, weighing heavily in his mouth. How could he say something so important without even knowing himself whether it was true? He might ruin everything. And that was simply unacceptable.

“Haru?” Makoto asked, eyebrows lowering slightly in concern.

Haruka snapped his mouth closed, letting out a small sigh through his nose. “Good night, Makoto,” he said calmly, willing his friend’s concern to evaporate.

Eyebrows still lowered, Makoto’s mouth twisted into a disappointed grin, a brief flicker of pain visible in his green eyes despite the dim night around them. His expression ripped through Haru like a dagger, puncturing the air from his lungs. How on Earth was Makoto capable of using a smile to convey every range of emotion, including pain?

But then Makoto’s face dissolved into his usual, patient smile. “Right,” Makoto said, turning toward the stairs. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

Haruka watched, speechless, as Makoto disappeared into his home, the door clicking shut behind him. 

With a grimace, Haruka studied Makoto’s familiar front door. This. It was this right here that he had been afraid of. Why could he never say the right thing? He wasn’t Makoto—he didn’t know how to use words to make things better, how to smile away concerns. Chest aching, Haruka turned away from the Tachibana’s home and started up the steps toward his own house.

He unlocked the front door and slipped off his shoes, pausing in the dark entryway as his thoughts became more and more muddled. 

_Bath_ , he thought tersely. _I need a bath_.

Without a second thought he bee-lined for the stairs, throwing on the hallway light as he went. Maybe sitting in the water would help clear up his thoughts.

In the bathroom, he tugged off his socks as he started the water running for the tub, flicking his fingers through the hot stream to check the temperature. Just the sound of the water rushing from the pipe gave him a small sense of ease, and he paused to take a deep breath. Then he slipped out of his pants and shirt and stepped into the tub, heedless of the miniscule amount of water that had yet to collect in it.

Sighing, he let the water wash down his knees and collect around him, slowly filling the tub. Despite the heat of the night outside, the water’s warmth was soothing, caressing him and easing the stress from his muscles. Haruka’s head fell back against the wall, eyes closing in content.

For a minute or so, he simply allowed the water to fill in the crevices around him, slowly completing him while his thoughts drifted aimlessly. When it reached his chest he turned off the spout, then leaned back into the makeshift cocoon. 

Makoto.

Haruka’s eyes slowly drifted closed again, a touch of tension returning to his shoulders. He needed to figure something out, one way or the other. Perhaps in the morning he could just apologize. _“I didn’t mean to push you away. You just took me by surprise. I’m not mad.”_

Haruka sighed, putting that train of thought to rest. Even in his head the apologies felt flat—mere excuses to cover up the true problem. He shifted in irritation, taking a moment to savor the way the water swayed around his movements, gently rocking with him.

He needed to do something, at least. Find some way to return matters to some semblance of normal. Rei’s words still lurked in the back of Haruka’s mind, whispering to him. But Haruka ruthlessly shoved the thought back, sucking in a stubborn breath. He couldn’t give an answer if he didn’t have one. Makoto deserved better than that. 

A selfish corner of Haruka’s mind acknowledged that it wasn’t just about Makoto. Haruka simply wouldn’t tolerate it. He would _not_ risk making things even more complicated than they already were. So far, every time he had tried to talk things out with Makoto things had gone either askew or terribly wrong. Trying to talk this out wouldn’t solve anything.

Would it be better to pretend nothing was wrong? Haruka considered the idea slowly, turning it about in his mind. Maybe he simply hadn’t given the situation enough time to shake itself out. Maybe…

No. Try though he might to convince himself otherwise, Haruka was acutely aware that he was lying to himself. 

With a frustrated growl he loosened his feet, allowing his weight to drag him further into the water until only his eyes hovered just above the water’s edge. This was impossible. What if there _was_ no right answer? Had things already gone to Hell in a handbasket? Despair flooded him, pressing in on all sides. Haruka quickly ducked his head into the water, the water’s firm pressure fighting against the encroaching hopelessness.

An eternity of awkward silences and broken smiles… Haruka slowly opened his eyes, allowing them to adjust to the wet filter. A bubble escaped his mouth, rippling toward the cooling surface.

Maybe he should just tell Makoto that he didn’t feel the same way. Just the thought of Makoto’s reaction made Haruka’s chest tighten painfully. But perhaps it would be a small mercy. He didn’t know, after all, whether he felt the same or not. Haruka had never had any interest in dating anyone, but if Makoto did, then…

The thought stopped Haruka short, and he quickly surged upward, breaking the surface. Air rushed into his lungs, deliciously curling in his chest.

_Did_ Makoto think that way? Haruka had never really stopped to consider it. It was one thing to acknowledge that Makoto loved him. But that Makoto might think of him like _that_ …

_We’re not like_ that. 

Haruka groaned in frustration, feeling the weight of that nebulous, secretive word. Had he been wrong? 

Just because Haruka had never considered it didn’t mean Makoto hadn’t. Did Makoto _want_ that? To kiss him, touch him...

Suddenly Haruka felt exceedingly ridiculous. Makoto was a college student. A _normal_ college student, unlike Haruka. More likely than not, that probably _was_ something Makoto wanted.

Well, there was his answer, right? If he couldn’t give Makoto what he wanted...

_Did he fuck some chick?_

Haruka froze, anger suddenly boiling in his blood. That... he wasn’t okay with that. Just the thought of Makoto with some faceless girl, doing—

Haruka felt physically sick, an image of Makoto hovering over a woman—the taught, rippling skin of his abdomen pressing against pale skin—rushing into his mind before he could banish it.

He splashed now-cool water into his face, struggling for air. It meant nothing. He simply didn’t want anyone taking his best friend away.

A new image quickly inserted itself into his mind, Makoto lying naked, broad hands gently running up _Haruka’s_ bare skin, his sweet mouth descending...

The bathroom door rattled open and Haruka yelped in surprise.

“Oh, sorry!” Makoto said quickly, a concerned frown on his face as he stepped into the room. “Didn’t mean to startle you—I called out from downstairs.”

Haruka stared, dumbfounded, at the apparition before him. Makoto was in his PJs, a combination of a thin tank top and loose basketball shorts that clung low on his hips. The fabric of his shirt stretched across his broad chest and stomach, a thin veil over what lay behind.

“Haru?” he asked, eyes crinkling in worry. “You okay?”

Haruka shook himself, slipping lower into the water as he mumbled, “Yeah. Fine.”

Makoto’s frown persisted, though he glanced down as he reached into his shorts pocket. “You forgot your phone,” he explained, pulling it out.

Haruka blinked in surprise—he had forgotten that he had passed it off to Makoto on the train ride to the fair.

“Right,” Haruka said, struggling to keep his voice even as Makoto put the phone down on the counter. “Thanks.”

“No problem, sorry to come so late,” Makoto replied sheepishly, glancing toward the clock. It was approaching midnight at this point. “I just wasn’t sure if you might need it.”

Makoto’s frown returned as he surveyed the bathroom, finally seeming to take everything in. “Haru, how long have you been sitting in there, anyway?” Makoto asked, though from the look in his eye Haruka could tell that Makoto had already guessed.

Haruka shrugged, carefully taking quiet, even breaths.

Makoto sighed and shook his head, eyebrows lowering in exasperation. “C’mon,” he said, offering his hand. “It’s late.”

The familiar gesture only made Haruka’s chest tighten once more, squeezing the air from his lungs. This wasn’t the time to get distracted. He still didn’t have an answer for Makoto, and he needed more time to think.

Haruka reached out, Makoto’s broad hand curling around his own. Then, with a sturdy power that still managed to take Haruka by surprise even now, Makoto helped haul him up. 

Water streamed down Haruka’s skin in tiny, rushing rivulets, dripping loudly back into the tub below. Makoto eyed Haruka’s jammers, sighing in exasperation as he let go of Haruka’s hand. 

Haruka was suddenly very aware of Makoto’s attention on his shorts. Here he was, standing only inches away from a man who had confessed to him, wet and wearing nothing but clinging, glorified underwear. Haruka could feel a flush beginning to race toward his face, and panicking he quickly strode past Makoto to grab his towel from the counter, running it through his hair to hide his face.

This was preposterous. They had spent the majority of their lives together wearing nothing but swimsuits. How many times had Makoto helped him from his morning bath? Wasn’t this exactly the same? It meant absolutely _nothing_.

Exactly the same, except for Haruka and his buzzing awareness of Makoto standing behind him, wearing precious little more than Haruka himself. More images flooded Haruka’s mind, and he scrubbed the towel more vigorously through his hair to knock them away.

“Well, I guess I’ll head out,” Makoto said quietly. Haruka spun around, hands stilling on his towel as he took in the sight of his friend.

It _wasn’t_ like that… was it? Makoto shifted, his chest rising and falling beneath his shirt, and Haruka’s breath caught. He forced his gaze away, instead looking up toward Makoto’s face.

Green eyes locked onto his own, and Haruka immediately realized he had made a mistake, drowning as Makoto engulfed his vision.

“Haru…”

Makoto’s voice was low, rumbling from the depths of his chest in a tone that Haruka had never heard before. Haruka’s eyes widened as the sound reverberated through him, resonating down every nerve as he attempted to force air into his lungs. 

Makoto took a step closer and Haruka’s heart spiked, slamming against his chest. He opened his mouth to reply, to say _something_ , but suddenly Haruka didn’t trust his voice or his mind to come up with a decent reply. His mouth worked wordlessly, eyes unconsciously running down Makoto’s body and back up to his eyes.

Makoto paused, halfway between taking another step closer. His eyes narrowed slightly, brows pulling downward as he examined Haruka. 

For a horrifying moment Haruka was convinced that Makoto _knew_. That he could see right through Haruka’s eyes to the startling thoughts that ran rampant around his head.

“Haru.”

He was still using that low, unsettling tone, causing Haruka’s blood to pound furiously in his veins. This was bad. This was so, _so_ bad.

“Thanks for bringing the phone,” Haruka choked out all in a rush, the tension shattering. 

Makoto opened his mouth, ready to say something, eyes still steadily focused on Haruka. “Is there…” Makoto paused, for once struggling to find the right words. “Is there anything else you need before I go?”

It was an opening, clear as day. Haruka panicked, unsure how to reply. There was no way to convey his thoughts—even Haruka couldn’t make sense of them at this point. And if he said something wrong…

“No,” he said quickly, busying himself with wiping down his arms. “I’m good, thanks.”

The lies clanked around the room, glaringly conspicuous. Makoto held his gaze a moment longer, face pinched in an unreadable expression. Then, with a sigh, he smiled. “Alright. Well, night again.”

He left, sliding the bathroom door closed behind him. Haruka stood frozen, waiting until he heard the faint sound of the downstairs door closing. Then, with a strangled groan, he sank to the bathroom floor, a parade of mental images relentlessly plaguing his thoughts. Cheeks heated deep red, his hands clenched into fists. A part of him wondered if this might somehow make things easier, but the rest of his mind knew: all this meant was that things were getting even more complicated and convoluted. 

Haruka sat for a long time, struggling against the rising desire low in his stomach and the flush heating his cheeks. Eventually he took a deep breath and forced himself to get up and go to bed, hoping that sleep, at least, might give him a short span of temporary relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off … I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT. My life just about EXPLODED the past couple of weeks, and I’m only just now starting to get it under control. I seriously am so sorry that there was a month-long wait between these chapters (._.) Things are finally starting to settle down, meaning I should hopefully be able to wrap this up soon-ish. At this point, I’ll hesitantly say maybe a chapter each weekend? If I can do more, I happily will, but for now I don’t know if that’ll be at all possible. 
> 
> Starting with this chapter, we’re getting into what I believe will be my personal favorite part of this fic. I’m at least really, REALLY looking forward to writing it x3 Nervous, self-aware, bashful Haru is quickly becoming one of my favorite things ever. After writing him as being more aloof throughout the first half of this fic, it’s really fun to see the contrast and try to depict it. And oh so much MakoHaru angst x) 
> 
> As a side note, I could totally see Haru being asexual. And honestly, I think that’d be wonderful to read/write. However, I suppose I’ve always envisioned Haru as being more of the type where he just doesn’t think about it much on his own, but once he starts becoming more aware of Mako he starts to become more and more aware of his own needs. So I chose not to go the asexual route with this story. Just wanted to throw that out there, since I really hope no one will misinterpret the line “Didn’t being in love mean not only relying on that person, but also feeling some level of physical attraction?” Obviously this is a narrow view of love, and I don’t personally feel this way. It was more of Haru trying to keep himself in denial than anything else ;) Just wanted to clarify.
> 
> Oh, yeah, and do we know for sure whether Haru takes cold baths, or whether his baths start out hot, but he stays in them so long they get cold? I remember his cold baths being mentioned on the show, but I wasn’t sure if the distinction was ever made. For the sake of this chapter, I’m going with him starting out with hot baths that get cold. 
> 
> As always, you guys are simply amazing. Getting to hear from all of you is more than wonderful. Thank you sooooo much for reading!!


	11. Mario Kart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I don’t normally include notes at the beginning of chapters, but my end notes on this one are so long that I had to kick some stuff up to the top ... >>; My rambling knows no bounds.
> 
> Anyways, DO YOU KNOW WHAT OCCURRED TO ME AS I WAS WRITING THIS CHAPTER? Remember the ending of the last chapter? When Haru and Mako are watching each other in awkward silence and Haru is struggling to make words and it won’t work, and Mako asks if he needs anything else and Haru quickly answers, “No!”
> 
> I ACCIDENTALLY STOLE THAT. FROM MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT. The pacing and feel of that little segment are TOTALLY taken from the awkward scene at Pemberley in the Kiera Knightley version of Pride & Prejudice. (Quick lesson in important things to know about Kat: yes, I am OBSESSED with Pride & Prejudice, and yes, I actually love the Knightley version better than the BBC, although I do love the BBC version too.) Anyway, if you don’t believe me, you can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZqOhS2M-DU 
> 
> The exact exchange I’m thinking of occurs around 1:32…  
> Darcy: May I see you back to the village—  
> Elizabeth: No! … I’m very fond of walking.  
> Darcy: Yes… Yes, I know.
> 
> HARU EVEN CLENCHES HIS FIST AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER. Apparently I ship MakoHaru as aggressively as I ship Darcy and Lizzy, which is really saying something, because I’m fairly certain Darcy and Lizzy were my very first ship xD
> 
> I know there was a Pride & Prejudice AU going around for a while on Tumblr (courtesy of hopenobodyeverfindsthis and buttleronduty, http://hopenobodyeverfindsthis.tumblr.com/post/115486603917/buttleronduty-this-pride-prejudice-au-is) WHICH WAS AWESOME, but that was a SouHaru pairing, which I also love … just not quite as obsessively as MakoHaru xD
> 
> Also, a quick little thing: the lovely goldkey-greeneyes asked me about when I know my writing is “done” a little while back in this Tumblr post. Not sure if any of you guys would be interested in checking it out, but I rambled (of course I did >>) a bit about my writing style if you want to check it out: http://konekat.tumblr.com/post/122657202154/how-do-you-personally-decide-when-what-youre

Haruka’s stomach fluttered nervously as he closed his front door. Which was ridiculous, and he told himself so. Repeatedly.

His stomach refused to listen.

 _Get it together,_ Haruka told to himself. He quickly envisioned a horrible future, in which his friendship with Makoto was perpetually awkward. The thought was sobering, and his stomach finally settled a notch. 

Haruka took his time descending the stairs, taking deep breaths to calm himself. No need to get worked up. None at all.

When he reached the Tachibana’s front door, he knocked. He could hear footsteps pounding inside and muffled voices yelling, “I’ll get it!” quickly followed by, “No, _I_ will!”

Suddenly the door was thrown open, the twins red-cheeked and glaring at each other.

“Hello,” he said quietly, dragging their attention away from each other.

Ran and Ren blinked in unison, turning to face Haruka. Ren had the decency to look embarrassed, but Ran’s face immediately split into a wide smile. 

“Haru-chan!” she exclaimed excitedly, yanking Ren back from the doorway to make room. “You’re here!”

Haruka gave her a small smile as he stepped into the house and took off his shoes. 

As soon as his shoes hit the floor, the twins dragged Haruka down the hall. They rattled as they walked, telling him about school and how boring it was without Makoto around the house. Haruka allowed himself to be swept up in their tidal wave of energy, happy to let them do the work.

He paused at the kitchen to wave to Mrs. Tachibana, who gave him a sweet smile and a wave before the twins continued dragging him down the hall.

“We can play Mario Kart, can’t we?” Ren begged, hands wrapped firmly around Haruka’s upper arm. “Because onii-chan promised!”

“Only if I get Toad,” Ran said firmly, yanking on Haruka’s other hand. 

“That’s no faaaaair,” Ren whined, glaring at his sister. “Why don’t you just pick Peach and by happy?”

“If Peach is so great, why don’t _you_ be her, then?” Ran shot back.

“Fine, but I get to sit next to Haru-chan!” Ren said loudly, yanking more insistently on Haruka’s arm.

“What!? No, _I_ call Haru-chan!”

“Guys, guys,” Makoto said suddenly. Haruka froze, looking up in surprise to see Makoto leaning in his bedroom doorway, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. Luckily the twins were similarly frozen. 

“You’re going to tear poor Haru in two if you keep that up,” Makoto chided, glancing doubtfully at Haruka’s arms, which were being pulled in opposite directions. 

With an embarrassed “Oh!” the twins dropped Haruka’s hands, eyeing him guiltily. Then Ren said, “I call green controller!” and they quickly shot into Makoto’s room. 

Makoto laughed, quickly backing out of the way to let them in. He shot Haruka a grin and with a grand gesture said, “After you.”

Haruka rolled his eyes at Makoto’s silly pomp, sliding past him into the room. Ran and Ren had already bounced onto Makoto’s bed, both lying belly down as they got the game set up. 

Makoto grabbed the pillows from the head of his bed, tossing one to Haruka. “Guess we’re relegated to the floor,” he said, shaking his head in mock mourning. 

Haruka caught the pillow, propping it up against the edge of the bed and sitting down on the ground. Makoto handed him the third player controller before plunkering down next to him. 

Haruka gripped the familiar device in his hands, skin tingling at the odd familiarity of the scene. He had spent many summers in this room, playing race after race with Makoto and the twins. Though they were older now, Makoto’s room still looked the same, still _smelled_ the same—that subtle yet distinct scent that was simply Makoto. For a moment Haruka could fool himself into believing that nothing had changed, that when summer break ended they would return to Iwatobi High and swim with Rei and Nagisa. 

“Of course Haru-chan picks Yoshi!” Ran said, giggling. “He really is your favorite, huh?”

Haruka shrugged, surprised that she had remembered. It was such habit, he hadn’t even noticed which player he had selected. “Yeah, Yoshi’s good.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Haruka saw Makoto smile a gentle, knowing smile. Haruka pressed his lips together. Of _course_ Makoto remembered—Haruka shouldn’t have been surprised. He had never said anything about it, yet somehow Makoto innately understood that Haruka preferred Toad, but had always let the twins take him instead. It was tiny—insignificant and unimportant. At least, that’s what Haruka tried to tell himself. 

He watched, expression flat, as Makoto chose Bowser, before giving Makoto a long, sidelong look.

“What?” Makoto asked innocently. 

_You know exactly what,_ Haruka thought grumpily. Obviously Makoto intended to make up for his long absence from the game by blowing them all out of the water. With a sigh, Haruka gave up any hope of winning this afternoon. When Makoto got like this, none of them stood a chance.

Doing his best to ignore Makoto’s sweet, deceptive smile, Haruka focused his gaze on the screen. “Alright, where to?” he asked, glancing next to him towards Ren.

“Uuum, Wario Stadium?” Ren said, glancing at Ran. Haruka closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. They were all dead. He adamantly refused to look over and see Makoto’s blank, serene look as Makoto replied, “Sure, sounds good to me!” 

They placed for nearly an hour, Makoto winning twelve races straight.

“Onii-chaaaaaan,” Ran whined, banging her head against her brother’s bed. “How do you do it?”

Haruka couldn’t miss the slight, victorious grin that ghosted over Makoto’s face before quickly being replaced by a honeyed smile. “Well, I’ve been playing a lot longer than you have,” Makoto said soothingly. “Maybe this time?”

 _He is the worst sort of butcher,_ Haruka thought to himself. _Pretending to be your friend before bringing the ax crashing down over your head._

“Where should we play next?” Makoto asked, glancing at Haruka. 

“Koopa Troopa Beach!” Ren said quickly, already moving his joystick to select the course.

“No, wait,” Haruka said suddenly, causing the twins to pause. Haruka glanced over at Makoto again, eyes narrowing. “Rainbow Road.”

“ _What_!?” Ran asked, glaring at Haruka. “That’s onii-chan’s favorite course!”

Makoto adjusted his glasses slightly, grinning at Haruka. “That’s the course Haru-chan wants?” he asked.

The words knocked Haruka off his feet. There was no real reason why—nothing special about them. Though frustratingly embarrassing, it was hardly rare for Makoto to call him by his childhood name. And Makoto was _always_ smiling. But something about the combination took Haruka’s breath away as if he had been punched in the stomach. 

“Yeah,” he grumbled, looking quickly at the screen. 

This wasn’t fair. He needed to concentrate. He had one shot, and he wouldn’t let Makoto’s endless smiles ruin it.

“Let’s go.”

“Alright, I _guess_ ,” Ren said doubtfully, starting the race. 

Haruka glanced at Makoto as the countdown started. Makoto’s eyes were narrowed behind his glasses, brows furrowed in concentration. _This,_ Haruka thought, _is the real Makoto. No hiding behind smiles._

He quickly returned his gaze to the screen, punching down on the buttons as the lights turned green.

Makoto got the starting boost, racing ahead of the rest of them. Frustrated, Haruka streaked after him. He trailed closely behind on the first lap, managing to avoid Makoto’s useless barrage of banana peels and fake item boxes. The second lap was even closer, with Ran and Ren nipping at Haruka’s heels. 

As they wound up the big hill, Haruka took a deep breath, carefully keeping Makoto in sight. They reached the finish line, starting their final lap. Makoto headed for the big jump—he always did like to recklessly fly over that first massive hill. 

Carefully, Haruka took aim. Fired. Held his breath as—

The turtle shell hit Makoto right as he was about to lift off the ground, knocking him sideways and right over the edge.

“Yes!” Ran shouted, giggling intensely. “Nice one, Haru-chan!”

Haruka, Ran, and Ren streaked on, Makoto stuck waiting as his character was retrieved. “I’m not out yet,” Makoto said, voice brimming with determination. Haruka’s heart spiked, nervously glancing at Makoto’s screen. The distraction cost him, and Ren managed to weave in front. 

“Ha HA!” Ren exclaimed, edging into first. 

Gritting his teeth, Haruka leaned forward over his controller, intent on regaining the lead. Still, he couldn’t help glancing nervously at Makoto’s screen. They were approaching the end of the course, but in that short time Makoto had managed to get a golden boost, bringing him dangerously close to their heels.

“I’ve so _got this_!” Ren yelled, sounding both elated and flabbergast at his own success. Haruka glanced at Makoto’s screen again, just in time to see—

The blue shell hurtled across the track, blowing Ren clear over the edge.

“No…! NO!” Ren screamed, and Makoto chuckled. 

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Makoto said, not sounding sorry at all.

But Haruka wasn’t paying attention. They were approaching the last turn, and he was in first. Somehow, his trick at the beginning of the final lap had worked, and despite the boost and blue shell Makoto was still going to lose. Thrill rushing through him, Haruka gunned it, closing in on the finish line, Ran close behind.

Suddenly Haruka took the moment in. Ran had clamored to the edge of Makoto’s bed in the excitement of the race, intensity drawing her into a crouched position. Her eyes were focused intently on the screen, nothing but a fierce look of determination on her face. In all the years of playing, Haruka could count on one hand the number of times Ran had managed to win. It wasn’t that she was a bad player—not in the least. But between Makoto, Haruka, and Ren, it just never happened often.

Five seconds from crossing the finish line, Haruka threw his thumb onto the breaks, slowing down just enough to let Ran pull ahead and place first.

“YESSSSSSS!” Ran screamed, throwing the controller onto the ground and bouncing off of the bed. She threw her arms into the air, pacing across the room as if her body couldn’t control the massive excitement of winning the race.

“Aw man, are you _serious_?” Ren griped, throwing his controller down in disgust. “The _one time_ I’m in first and I get a blue shell? Great. That’s just great.”

“Nice win,” Haruka told Ran, smiling at her as she paraded around the room. 

“Take _that_ onii-chan!” she proclaimed, pointing aggressively at Makoto. 

“Congrats, Ran!” Makoto said, chuckling. “You beat us fair and square.” His eyes lingered on Haruka, not at all fooled. Haruka quickly glanced away from his knowing gaze. Ran and Ren might have been none the wiser, but Haruka couldn’t slip past Makoto. 

“Ran! Ren!” their mother called suddenly. “Enough games, now! I need you to run out to the store for me.”

“Coming, Mom!” Ren called back, rolling his eyes. Makoto smacked Ren gently on the head, giving him a stern look. 

“Don’t roll your eyes at your mother,” Makoto scolded, and Ren shrugged uncomfortably. 

“Makoto, dear, I’ve got some snacks for you too!” their mom added. “Why don’t you come grab them.”

“I’ll be right back,” Makoto told Haruka, pushing himself off of the floor. He ushered the twins out of the room before him, the whirlwind of voices moving down the hallway toward the kitchen.

In the quiet aftermath, Haruka allowed his head to fall back onto the bed, staring at Makoto’s ceiling. 

Last night, he had gone to bed with his mind a hurricane with Makoto at its eye. He had dreamt about him. _In detail_. The kind of detail that was burned into his mind when he awoke, burning other places as well.

He had spent the morning arguing with himself, coming to no clear conclusion. The fact remained that Haruka’s feelings for his best friend perhaps weren’t as cut and dry as he had originally assumed. But that didn’t answer the more pressing question: what should he do about it?

Everyone got a little flustered now and then, right? A tiny voice in the back of Haruka’s mind had been insistently demanding that Haruka knew very well what the answer was. But Haruka didn’t trust himself— _couldn’t_ trust himself with something so important. 

He wasn’t like Makoto. When faced with a problem, Haruka’s first instinct was to shut down and not deal with it, to hope that it would go away. Makoto was the one who knew how to look for answers. Makoto was capable of finding those answers inside of Haruka even when Haruka wasn’t aware of their existence. 

He knew, of course. Knew that they were going to have to talk about this. And it terrified him. 

“Mom made us some onigiri,” Makoto announced. Haruka looked toward the door, not bothering to lift his head from the bed, as Makoto strode into the room with a tray. 

Makoto placed the tray on the ground and retook his seat beside Haruka, offering Haruka a plate.

“Thanks,” Haruka replied, accepting the plate and taking an onigiri. 

Makoto watched him for a moment, brows drawing together.

“You okay?” Makoto asked, and Haruka nearly laughed. Leave it to Makoto to always immediately understand—

The realization hit Haruka suddenly. How could he not have thought of it before?

Carefully he met Makoto’s bright green gaze, giving a small shrug. “Good enough,” he replied, willing Makoto understand. _Good enough, but not okay._

Makoto’s eyes narrowed behind his glasses, observing Haruka carefully. Haruka felt a blush rising in his cheeks, but he forced himself not to look away. After a moment, he shot Makoto a small smile. “Ran and Ren haven’t changed.”

Makoto laughed softly, though his eyes still watched Haruka closely. “Yeah. Those two would argue about whether the sky was blue, just to prove the other wrong,” Makoto said, shaking his head. “That was mighty nice of you earlier, by the way.”

Haruka shrugged, a bit embarrassed at having thrown the race. “Ran deserved it,” he said simply. 

Makoto’s smile was dazzling, and Haruka struggled to keep himself from going under. Makoto leaned over, gently bumping Haruka with his shoulder, before reaching over to grab another onigiri. Haruka’s side burst into tingling pinpricks, and he carefully took a steadying breath. 

Makoto smiled at him again, and Haruka almost looked away before he caught himself. _No running away_ , he reminded himself. Cheeks flushing, he leaned into Makoto, using his shoulder to bump him back. “Thanks,” he said, unable to keep himself from muttering. 

For a heartbeat Makoto stared at him, a look of puzzled disbelief written across his face. Haruka’s heart fluttered, realizing that he had taken Makoto completely off guard. It felt surprisingly … exhilarating. Whatever Haruka was doing, it seemed to be working. 

But Makoto let it pass without comment, leaning back against the bed with a sigh. “Pretty soon it’s going to be back to the grind, huh?” Makoto asked wistfully. 

With a grimace, Haruka followed suit and leaned back. “Yeah.” He didn’t want to think about school right now—he would worry about that once break was over.

“It’s going to stink not having as much time to hang out,” Makoto conceded, stretching his hands up toward the ceiling and examining his fingers. 

“We’ll just have to make it work,” Haruka said firmly, turning to face Makoto. 

His response took Makoto off guard, and the larger boy quickly turned to meet Haruka’s gaze. “Won’t you be busy?” Makoto asked, almost sounding hesitant. “I know how much practice you have.”

“We’ll make it work,” Haruka repeated, even more decisively. 

Makoto stared at him, mouth working wordlessly. After struggling a moment, he smiled brightly. “Okay, I’m sure we will,” he told Haruka.

A comfortable silence fell as they sat there, heads laid against the bed as they watched each other. Haruka could feel Makoto’s easy, steady breathing only inches from his face, Makoto’s scent subtly permeating his senses. He let his eyes fall closed, peacefully enjoying the moment. This room was so familiar, so soothing it nearly lulled him to sleep. 

_Understand_ , Haruka willed silently, pushing the thoughts from his head across the comforter to Makoto’s. _Please, make sense of this jumbled mess_.

There was a rustle as Makoto adjusted his position slightly, the bed dipping as he weight leaned onto it. 

For a startling moment Haruka thought Makoto was going to reach out and embrace him. He was surprised to realize that he wouldn’t mind it—that he might actually enjoy being folded into Makoto’s long, strong arms. 

But Makoto settled beside him, and Haruka contented himself with their mere proximity. They lay there like that for a while, a comfortable silence blanketing the room as Haruka enjoyed the subtle tickle of Makoto’s breath ghosting across his face.

Finally, Makoto sighed gently, the bed swaying again as he began to move. “We should probably—”

By reflex, Haruka reached out and grabbed Makoto’s shirt, stopping him mid-sentence.

For a moment everything was silent. Then Haruka’s eyes shot open, suddenly aware of what he had just done.

Makoto was poised half pushed off of the bed. His green eyes were startlingly large behind his black spectacles, mouth hanging slightly open as he glanced uncertainly between Haruka’s hand and face.

Haruka followed Makoto’s gaze, red flooding his cheeks as he took the situation in. His hand clutched the front of Makoto’s loose, blue tee, hovering just above his broad chest. Haruka took a sharp breath, struggling to find a way to explain. He hadn’t even thought—he had just—he was surprised—he should probably let go—

Instinctively he tightened his grip, his entire body rebelling against that last consideration. The soft material tugged even more tightly across Makoto’s chest, and Haruka glanced up toward Makoto uncertainly. An intense flush had spread clean across Makoto’s face, leeching onto his ears and his neck. 

“H-Haru?” he asked uncertainly, voice unnaturally high.

Haruka took a shallow breath, mind racing. He wasn’t quite sure what he was doing, but he couldn’t deny that he liked the flustered state he had somehow put Makoto in. He wanted more of it. Now.

“Makoto!” Mrs. Tachibana called from down the hall. Haruka quickly dropped his grip, pulling his hand away as if burned. 

“Y-Yes?” Makoto answered quickly, hopping up from the bed and striding toward his bedroom door. 

“Honey, you know better than to leave your clothes in the dryer,” she said, approaching the doorway. “Just because you’re back doesn’t mean you can just drape your stuff everywhere…”

“Oh, sorry mom!” Makoto replied sheepishly, shrugging. “I’ll go grab it, okay?”

As Makoto slipped out of the room, Mrs. Tachibana stuck her head inside. “And Haruka, dear, would you like to stay for dinner?”

 _Yes_.

“No,” Haruka replied regretfully, giving her a small smile. He was relieved to hear his voice sounding normal. “I’ve got to finish packing up my stuff before we head back tomorrow. But thanks for the offer.”

“That’s too bad,” Mrs. Tachibana said with a frown, genuinely disappointed. She was far too sweet to him, Haruka decided for the millionth time. “Well, it was good to get to see you!”

“Same,” he replied. “And thanks for the snack.”

“You’re very welcome, dear.”

She turned and left as Makoto made his way back into the room, carrying a laundry basket full of clothes. 

“You’re not staying for dinner?” Makoto asked, still looking a touch hesitant. Haruka narrowed his eyes, noticing that Makoto’s ears were still tinged a light pink. 

“No,” he replied. “Packing.”

“Yeah, me too,” Makoto said, placing the basket down on his bed. He bent over, offering Haruka a hand up.

Taking steady breaths to keep the blush from returning, Haruka gripped Makoto’s hand and stood from the floor. He was intensely aware of the way their palms slid against each other as Makoto let go, the sensation sending tingles up his arm. 

“I’m glad you got to visit with the twins for a bit, at least,” Makoto said, and Haruka nodded. 

“Yeah, me too. It was fun.”

They stood quietly, Haruka suddenly feeling like there was something more he should say. He looked Makoto in the eye, hoping…

“Well, see you in the morning, I guess,” Makoto said slowly, rubbing the back of his head a bit awkwardly. 

Somewhat disappointed, Haruka nodded. He waited for Makoto to say more, but after a moment gave a quiet "Yeah, night," before heading out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, buckle your seatbelts, because I’m about to take obscene advantage of as much of this Notes space as humanly possible.
> 
> As for this chapter… I can’t lie. I’ve been hesitant to write this one. Like, really nervous. Because as much as I love jealous Haru, a purposely flirty Haru seems highly likely to go ooc, and I REALLY want to keep him in character. Don’t get me wrong--I ADORE the tension, and I think these last few chapters will be the most fun to write/read. But the prospect still makes me completely nervous. I want to make these chapters the best I can, so I hope that makes up for the slightly longer wait :D
> 
> This chapter is actually only about a third/a quarter as long as I originally planned. Not in word-length, but in plot-coverage terms. In my original plan, my summary for this chapter was super short. As I was planning it out, though, I realized that I wanted this all to happen quite a bit more gradually than I originally planned for. I think, somewhere in my head, I just didn’t think about it much and assumed this would maybe take two scenes. But when I got down to _actually_ planning out the blow-by-blow for this chapter, I realized that I needed a lot more room. Originally I was just going to write them all in one huge chapter that probably would have been at least 10k words. But I’ve kept you guys waiting long enough, so I decided to break it out. Rather than the original 14 chapters, this fic is probably going to be more like 16-17 chapters. 
> 
> The twins were SO much fun to write! I’m not sure exactly how old they’d be in this scene, so they might be a _tad_ too childish, but they seem like the kind of siblings who would quickly devolve into childish arguments anyways, just for the sake of arguing. I actually have younger siblings who are twins, so I know a bit of Mako’s pain, haha. And I can tell you, their fights over Mario Kart were FAR more heated than Ran and Ren’s. And if you’re wondering, they are TOTALLY playing on an N64, because OF COURSE THEY ARE HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST OTHERWISE. Lolol. If you’re not a Mario Kart fan … Sorry for the overload xD;
> 
> Also, in case this wasn’t obvious: Mako’s glasses give me life. Intense-Gamer Mako is just about my favorite thing ever (or at least second, perhaps, to Careful-to-not-hurt-but-still-relentlessly-sexy-Dom Mako ;3) The combination of BOTH of these wonderful sides of Mako (plus the perfection of the artwork) is also why Cache Cache’s Take Your Order MakoHaru DJ is my favorite DJ ever. I have it nearly as bad as Haru.
> 
> I've said this before (... I think. Perhaps that was on 8tracks, haha), but when I listen to songs, usually I'm more concerned with the FEELING of the song rather than the lyrics or meaning. At least for when I'm writing. A great example is Take Me Home by Cash Cash. Just, YES. So perfect for the feeling I was going for. That whole exhilarating, uncontrollable feeling that overwhelms you and you're just unable to deny your complete attraction to this person but you're finding it hard to care because it just feels so good. That's EXACTLY what this chapter is about. And I listened to Only You by Josh Kelley on repeat for quite a while as well. That song is just … I love it xD 
> 
> The only song that I was listening to that doesn't quite fit this chapter is twenty one pilot's The Judge. If there's anything I want you to take away from this super long, rambly end note (is anyone still reading at this point? Lol, IF YOU'RE JUST SKIMMING, READ THIS, SERIOUSLY), it's that you should check out twenty one pilots. (Warning: shameless band promotion to follow...) The Judge is an amazing song that just hit me perfectly and has stayed lodged in my chest, nestled somewhere between my heart and lungs where it just kind of leaves this dull ache and refuses to come loose. I recommend listening to a bunch of their stuff. I'll be frank: a lot of their music is an acquired taste. They're this strange mix between rap and alternative, and they switch genres song by song (they've been labeled schizophrenic pop). But their music is some of the most genuine, sincere, heartfelt, meaningful, amazing music I have ever heard. Plus, they're the type of band that is _ten times_ more amazing live. Like, doing flips off of pianos, putting an entire _drumset_ ON TOP of the crowd and playing up there, and just generally being amazing. If you ever get the chance to see them, you should totally go. 
> 
> *Ahem* Anyway. MakoHaru. Right. I guess what I’m saying is that The Judge doesn't quite fit this fanfic. But I've been listening to it obsessively, and I feel like parts of it rings true to Haru for me. In part it's the lyrics, and in part it's just... the feel of it. I think it's because the song has this sort of inward looking feel. And it’s just ambiguous. Like, it’s hopeful, but it’s not. It’s sad, but it’s upbeat. And I feel like that’s something Haru could relate to.


	12. Traveling

The next morning, Haruka locked up quickly and headed toward the stairs. He stopped short when he saw Makoto just making his way up toward him.

“Oh, good morning,” Makoto said cheerfully, looking surprised. “You’re ready early!”

“You too,” Haruka mumbled, re-hitching his bag over his shoulder. He had expected Makoto to oversleep like usual.

“Well, you ready to get going then?” Makoto asked, continuing to walk up towards him. Which was ridiculous, because they were just going to have to walk right back down the stairs anyways. But despite his exasperation, the gesture set Haruka’s stomach to fluttering lightly. How did Makoto do it? How was he able to convey his feelings so effortlessly? Walking up the stairs was extra work, but it was obvious that Makoto just wanted to be by his side that much faster.

_Come on,_ Haruka thought to himself. _If Makoto can do it, so can I. It can’t be_ that _hard, right?_ Somehow, Haruka couldn’t quite make himself believe that. 

They headed toward the station in peace, Haruka admiring the glinting blue of the ocean on the horizon. Makoto talked about how sad the twins were that they were already heading back. The mindless talk was peaceful, and Haruka let himself fall into their normal routine as they walked through town. 

_Wait, no_ , Haruka thought, suddenly shaken from his reverie. He didn’t _want_ the same as always. Not now, at least. He wanted— _needed_ —Makoto to understand. Somehow.

Hesitantly he glanced toward Makoto, who was now talking about how his mom had bought him extra underwear to take back with him. 

“I can’t believe her sometimes,” Makoto said with an embarrassed laugh, though his tone betrayed how happy it made him that his mother always looked out for him. 

There was the faintest dusting of pink tinging Makoto’s cheeks as he shrugged. Haruka swallowed forcefully, immediately forgetting any words he had been planning to add. Makoto turned the full force of that dazzling smile on Haruka, and he quickly snapped his attention back toward the ocean, keeping his breathing even.

This … was going to be a lot harder than he had hoped.

“Ne, Haru…” Makoto said slowly. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Haruka said quickly, glancing briefly at Makoto. 

Makoto’s emerald eyes narrowed for the briefest moments, then quickly smoothed into a smile. Haruka nearly sighed in relief, realizing only now that his shoulders had tensed at the question. He gave Makoto a slight, uncertain smile in return, utterly unsure how to show that everything was okay despite being completely _not_ fine.

_Come on, dummy_ , he scolded himself. _That’s the best you can do?_

With a smile, Makoto started into another topic, his lilting voice easing the last of the tension from Haruka’s shoulders. Still, Haruka couldn’t help a small frown from his face. He couldn’t keep side stepping like this—acting as though each little incident was an accident. Did he need to be more direct?

The thought made his stomach flutter, which in turn made his frown deepen. Maybe he was just overreacting. Maybe he kept getting worked up precisely _because_ he was making this into a bigger deal than it actually was. That was possible, right?

The memory of last night’s extremely vivid dreams—all regarding Makoto—wormed their way into his mind before Haruka could squash them down. Okay, maybe that had been a weak excuse. 

But maybe it would be easier to figure out his own feelings if he were more … direct. Haruka considered the possibility, worrying his bottom lip. Perhaps it would become apparent that he had just been over-hyping things in his head. 

He stole another glance at Makoto, trying to think of some way to test it. He supposed he could try holding an actual conversation, rather than simply listening to Makoto, but then quickly discarded the idea. Forcing himself to speak was unlikely to help anything, especially with him feeling so confused as it was. Besides, that was so mundane. What he needed was something that couples—his mind tripped over the word—something _couples_ would do. Like holding hands.

Before his mind could process the thought, Haruka’s gaze was drawn to Makoto’s right hand, gently swaying between them as they walked.

A flush worked its way onto Haruka’s cheeks, and he quickly averted his gaze. _Really?_ he berated himself. _You’re getting flustered over his_ hands?

Haruka took a deep breath, trying to get himself back into control. It was a simple gesture, right? And yet something about it seemed so … intimate. He thought back, trying to remember the last time he had held _anybody’s_ hand. Immediately he was flooded with memory after memory of Makoto standing at the edge of the pool, patiently reaching out to Haruka. He couldn’t conjure a single flicker of a memory of holding hands with anyone else.

It couldn’t hurt, right? After all, it was just holding hands. Simple.

Unable to resist, Haruka snuck another glance at Makoto’s hand. Like the rest of Makoto, it was large and sturdy, far larger than Haruka’s own. His own hand would be completely lost in that large grip. 

_Just do it_ , Haruka urged himself in frustration, doing his best to ignore the butterflies kicking back into life in his stomach. _Nothing to it_.

He took a deep breath to steel himself, all of his concentration pared down to Makoto’s hand. If he just…

“Oh, we better hurry,” Makoto said suddenly, breaking Haruka’s concentration. He followed Makoto’s gaze up to the steps of the station, surprised to realized they had already reached their destination. 

“Our train will be here soon,” Makoto continued, glancing at his watch as he headed up the steps. “We don’t want to be late.”

“Un,” Haruka grunted in agreement, resolve shattered. Mutely, he followed Makoto, convincing himself that he was _not_ sulking. 

There was a surprisingly long line to purchase their tickets given the early hour. As they headed for their platform, Makoto glanced nervously at his watch.

“It’ll be fine,” Haruka said quietly, noticing Makoto’s worried expression. “We’ve still got a few minutes.”

“Yeah,” Makoto conceded with a smile, though he didn’t sound all that convinced. Haruka stopped himself from rolling his eyes. Makoto could be such a mother hen.

As they reached the platform, Haruka could see Makoto’s tense smile visibly relax. “Good,” he said cheerfully. “You were right, Haru-chan.”

As if he hadn’t been doubting him only three seconds before. Haruka didn’t reply, lips pressing together skeptically and ignoring Makoto’s sheepish grin. “Drop the -chan.”

As soon as he said it, Haruka regretted it. Should he have let it slide? Mightn’t that be another small thing he could do to catch Makoto’s attention?

But the thought of consenting to the childhood nickname—even by the mere absence of a response—was too uncomfortable. 

Far better to stick to his initial plan and go for holding hands. If he could ever work up the courage. The two of them were standing close together on the platform, even closer than they had on their walk through town. It would be easy, now, to simply bump his hand against Makoto’s and…

There was a clatter down the tracks as the train approached, cutting short Haruka’s attempts. Frustrated with the train’s timing—and even more so with himself—Haruka watched sullenly as it came to a stop in front of them. 

He followed Makoto onto the train and sat down, stubbornly looking out the window. 

“Um, Haru.”

Haruka turned quickly at the hesitant tone in Makoto’s voice, suddenly nervous. “Yeah?” he asked.

Makoto smiled guiltily. “You know, I’ve still got quite a bit of reading to catch up on before break’s over. I didn’t get much done at home…” Haruka couldn’t help but think the twins were the likely cause for that.

“Anyway, you wouldn’t mind if I read, would you?” Makoto asked, giving Haruka his puppy dog eyes. 

“Sure,” Haruka said, ignoring the way his heart skipped a beat. Makoto’s gaze was just so bright, the color of sunlight filtering down through the leaves on a lazy summer afternoon.

“Thanks,” Makoto said, sighing in relief as he bent to rummage in his bag. He pulled out a thick book, and Haruka couldn’t help a stab of pity—it looked particularly dense. 

Haruka watched with conflicting emotions as Makoto opened and began to read. This could be okay, right? If Makoto was busy, then there was no need on Haruka’s part to try to force himself into something awkward. 

But as he turned his gaze to look out the window, Haruka couldn’t rid himself of a slight disappointment.

Determined not to worry about it, Haruka lost himself as the land slipped past him. They were only on the train for half an hour before their first switchover, and the time passed quickly. But as they got ready to leave, Haruka noted with growing disappointment that Makoto had only made a minor dent in the page count.

Makoto continued to studiously read—interrupted by intermittent apologies—for the duration on their second train, which was nearly three times as long. Haruka deflected each apology, pointing out the importance that Makoto catch up with his studies, to which Makoto always gave him a grateful smile. 

They boarded their third train, and Haruka fought against his rising boredom and disappointed as Makoto again opened his book.

“Sorry, Haru,” Makoto repeated for the sixteenth time. Not that Haruka had been counting. “I’ve only got two chapters to go.”

“It’s fine,” Haruka repeated for the sixteenth time, all emotion bleached from his tone at this point. He suffered Makoto’s grateful smile before returning his gaze to the new window. 

Haruka swayed slightly as they began to move, dreading the long train ride ahead. The third leg would be the longest yet, and he was not looking forward to another one-sided conversation with himself. Wistfully, he thought of their trip from Tokyo to Iwatobi—Makoto had, of course, happily chatted through most of the outrageously long ride. In comparison, this silence was stifling. 

Haruka let the passing scenery distract his sour thoughts, his eyes flitting between the buildings as they passed, watching as the morning crept toward noon and then continued on. 

Nearly halfway through the ride, Makoto bumped his side suddenly. Surprised by the unexpected contact, Haruka turned. The motion caused Makoto to lean more fully into Haruka’s left side, his soft brown hair tickling against Haruka’s cheek as he dozed. His book dangled precariously in his lax hands.

Makoto’s breathing was steady and shallow, and Haruka realized that if he shifted too much Makoto would probably wake up. Heart hammering, he decided to let Makoto sleep. He lifted Makoto’s book from his lap and dog-earing the page before placing it on top of Makoto’s bag. 

Makoto sighed deeply, drawing Haruka’s attention back to his serene face. Although Makoto was much taller than him, Haruka found his weight against his side to be reassuring rather than overbearing. Fighting off a faint blush, Haruka sat as still as he could. 

He marveled at the feather-light touch of Makoto’s hair, which still smelled faintly of this morning’s shampoo. Steeling himself, Haruka slowly lowered his head until it was resting atop Makoto’s. He was surprised to find that the position was quite comfortable—Makoto’s height meant that Haruka didn’t have to lean his head all that far, and his cheek fit perfectly against the crown of Makoto’s head. Haruka allowed his eyes to drift closed, feigning sleep to appear less awkward to the other passengers—it wasn’t weird if they had _both_ accidentally fallen asleep, right? Keeping half an ear open for the stop announcements, he breathed slowly as the scent and feel of Makoto took over his world, Makoto’s firm presence warming his left side like the perfect blanket.

Haruka silently kept count of the stops as the afternoon stretched on. Unlike his earlier boredom while looking out the window, he found himself oddly content by the situation. The soft rise and fall of Makoto’s chest as he breathed was a reassuring rhythm that Haruka easily matched. 

At the second to last stop, Makoto finally began to stir, taking a deep breath as he shifted against Haruka’s side. Haruka sat quietly, letting Makoto wake at his own pace. Makoto grumbled softly, lifting his head and finally causing Haruka to sit up fully.

“Haru?” Makoto asked groggily, looking at Haruka questioningly. Before Haruka could reply, Makoto gasped and sat up with a bolt.

“Wait, what stop are we at!?” Makoto asked, frantically glancing around.

“It’s fine,” Haruka said calmly, reaching down to hand Makoto his book. “We switch trains again at the next stop. I would have shaken you awake before we got there.”

Makoto’s brows lowered, and he frowned as he returned his gaze to Haruka. “I’m sorry, Haru. How long was I asleep?”

Haruka shrugged, stretching his shoulders now that he was free to move. “I dunno. Maybe half the trip?”

Makoto groaned, shooting Haruka an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry, that must have been uncomfortable.”

Haruka paused, considering his response. “It was … nice.”

The comment stopped Makoto cold. He blinked in surprise, unconsciously running his hand over the top of his head—the exact spot Haruka’s cheek had rested for the better part of an hour.

Feeling yet another blush creeping up his face, Haruka glanced at the book in Makoto’s hands. “Don’t you still have reading to finish up?”

“Eh? Oh, right!” Makoto said. He quickly buried his face back into the book, his pink-tinged ears peeking out from the side. The sight brought a small smile to the curve of Haruka’s lips, and he refocused his attention on the window for the last few minutes. 

As they approached their final stop, Makoto tucked his book back into his bag. “All finished?” Haruka asked, shifting his own bag onto his shoulder.

“Haaa, close enough,” Makoto said, rubbing at his eyes. “I shouldn’t have left it all until the last minute.”

They exited the train, glancing around the platforms for the next switchover. They were now much closer to Tokyo proper, and the station was quite crowded. 

“Do you see it?” Makoto asked loudly above the din, craning his neck around to look at the signs.

“Yeah, this way,” Haruka said, and Makoto twisted to see where he was pointing.

A mother holding a young child bumped into Makoto, weaving between him and Haruka with a quick apology. Frowning, Haruka reached out and took Makoto’s hand, dragging him in the right direction.

“Oh!” Makoto said, and Haruka caught a surprised look that crossed his face. “I see it now.”

The implicit meaning was clear: _You can let go of my hand now_. Taking a determined breath, Haruka tightened his grip. “It’s so crowded, let’s stick together,” he said firmly, refusing to meet Makoto’s gaze. 

They wove their way through the crowd, Haruka all too aware of Makoto’s warm fingers entwined around his own. They reached the platform just as their final train arrived and followed the flow of people entering. 

As they found a place to stand, Haruka felt Makoto’s grip loosen. Ignoring his own embarrassment, Haruka squeezed his hand even tighter, refusing to let go.

“H-Haru,” Makoto whispered hoarsely, glancing around the train. His ears were pink again.

“It’s crowded,” Haruka said insistently, steadily meeting Makoto’s gaze. 

The train began to move, and Makoto quickly reached up to hold onto the strap with his free hand. Haruka kept his gaze trained on the window, allowing his senses to focus entirely on Makoto’s warmth. In just a few stops, Makoto would need to get off and take another line to his apartment—Haruka was determined not to lose a second of it. 

Slowly Makoto’s hand relaxed against his own, shifting positions ever so slightly. As the train swayed, Haruka’s arm brushed against Makoto’s side, and Haruka closed his eyes for a moment, forcing his expression to remain serene. 

As the train eased down a curve, Makoto’s hand tightened against his own, steadying Haruka. Haruka took a sharp breath, gratefully using Makoto’s firm grip to ground himself. When the track straightened back out, Makoto allowed his grip to become lax once more, his thumb gently stroking Haruka’s. 

“Now approaching—”

“That’s your stop,” Haruka said quickly, both relieved and disappointed as Makoto’s thumb stilled. Haruka gave Makoto’s hand one quick, tight squeeze before letting go.

Makoto smiled gently at Haruka, shifting his bag as he got ready to exit. “Be careful on the way home,” he said. “Shoot me a text when you get back.”

“You too,” Haruka mumbled. He watched as Makoto made his way to the doors, waved, then disembarked. 

As the train moved again, Haruka let out a sigh of relief, ducking his head in embarrassment. See? It was just holding hands. No big deal.

He flexed his hand, which now felt cool in Makoto’s absence.

_Right_ , he thought sarcastically. _Not a big deal at all_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for the long wait!!!! Aaaargh, these last few chapters have been hard to write, and I’ve been really busy D: Like I said last chapter, Chapter 11 was initially supposed to be posted all at once, but I realized I need more time to develop what I’m aiming for. So, instead, “Chapter 11” will likely be four separate chapters, with this being part two of four. With that in mind, we still have about five or six chapters left in the story overall. I’ll do my best to keep them coming without too long of a delay between them. Please bear with me!
> 
> I had a lot of fun with this chapter (although I do fear that it doesn’t flow as nicely as it could D: Oh well). These two are so cute, particularly when they get all flustered ^^ Although honestly, Haru, I would get just as flustered over Makoto’s wonderful hands *-* Swoon-worthy, I’m sure.
> 
> (Also, 50% Off has ruined me. Every time I was trying to write about Haruka boredly staring out the window, all I could picture was him arguing with himself…. And maybe making the demon face to scare people standing at the platforms.)
> 
> Soundtrack for this chapter: Utada Hikaru! I stumbled across one of my favorites the other day (Final Distance M-flo remix) and got hooked back into my favs of hers. I was first introduced to her via Kingdom Hearts (naturally! lol), so Hikari has a special place in my heart too. I also ADORE “Exodus,” just ~~~ In particular, “Traveling” was a great fit for this chapter, and is therefore the namesake for the chapter title. (Btw, anyone know where I can find the Johnny Vicious remix of Automatic? I love it so much, but there are only covers on YouTube ;-; )
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading!! And thank you too for all of the wonderful comments! I LOVE getting to hear what you guys think, and they always brighten my day. I hope you guys continue to enjoy as we near the end here x) Oh, and of course, come check me out on Tumblr if you’d like (Konekat) :D


	13. Arcade Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID IT GUYS. I FINISHED THIS CHAPTER. IT’S HUGE. I didn't edit it as closely, just because I don't have the time now and I really wanted to post this asap. So please excuse any minor issues (although feel free to point them out if you see them)! Anyways, please enjoy!!!

The sound of waves crashing on the sound burst into life, flooding the kitchen. Haruka finished placing his plate in the sink, then turned to glance at his ringing phone. Makoto’s name blinked across the screen, causing Haruka’s stomach to flutter.

He picked it up and swiped it to answer, cradling the phone against his shoulder as he turned to clean up his leftovers from the stove. “Hey.”

“Hey!” Makoto replied. “How’s your week going?”

“It’s fine,” Haruka said, placing the last of the mackerel into a Tupperware container. “Your test go okay today?”

“Haaaa, I think it went alright,” Makoto said, sounding exhausted. “Hopefully, given how much I studied for it.”

“Hopefully,” Haruka repeated. In reality, Makoto had probably aced the test—he had a tendency to over-worrying about these things. Haruka opened the fridge and put the fish away, then stood back up.

“Anyway, I got a text from Nagisa today,” Makoto continued. “He and Rei were thinking they would come visit us here in Tokyo over the long weekend the week after next. Would that work for you?”

Haruka glanced at the calendar hanging on his fridge, his swim schedule marked out in blue. “Yeah, that should be fine. Though I have my last practice for the competitive season on that Friday.”

“Aw,” Makoto chuckled. “I’m sure Nagisa will be disappointed.”

Haruka scoffed, shaking his head. “He just saw us at the festival three weeks ago. I think he’ll survive missing me for one evening.”

“True, true,” Makoto replied. Haruka could hear his grin through the phone. “Well, I’ll let them both know that weekend works for us.”

“Okay,” Haruka replied. He felt a sharp pang of regret, sensing the end of the conversation. He paused a moment, then quickly added, “Do you have any plans for this weekend?”

The line was silent for half a heartbeat, and Haruka’s stomach squirmed anxiously. “Oh, well,” Makoto finally replied, “I’m supposed to hang out with some friends tonight. It’s the first Saturday everyone’s been able to hang out together, so they’re dragging us to that new arcade bar.”

Haruka’s stomach dropped. He should have known—Makoto’s friends seemed to have a penchant for partying.

“How about you, Haru? Do you have any plans with the team?”

Makoto was just being nice—he had to know that Haruka didn’t. Even when the team went out to do things, Haruka rarely came along. 

“Not really,” Haruka replied blandly, stomping away the shards of disappointment worming through his middle. “Just catching up on homework.”

 _And hoping to get to see you_ , though he kept that thought to himself. As soon as break had finished, school had become a whirlwind once more, and they hadn’t had the chance to hang out. Haruka finally had a Saturday evening off, and he had hoped…

“Ne, Haru, why don’t you come with us?” Makoto asked, suddenly perking up. “I’m sure the guys wouldn’t mind!”

Haruka hesitated. He had wanted to spend time with _Makoto_ , not Makoto’s friends—people he had barely met only once or twice. Still, spending any time with Makoto was better than not at all, and this might be their only chance until the long weekend. “Well…” he said, still feeling skeptical.

“Seriously, you should come!” Makoto said eagerly, in full-persuasion mode now. “It would be nice to get to see you, given how busy things have been.”

Haruka’s protests died on his lips, heart suddenly picking up at hearing that Makoto _wanted_ to see him. How was he supposed to argue with that?

“Alright,” he found himself saying, voice resigned. “You’re sure it’ll be okay?”

“Of course!” Makoto assured him. “Why don’t you meet us there at seven? It’s the stop right before mine, two blocks south of the station.”

“Okay,” Haruka replied, glancing at the clock. It was already 5:54, meaning he’d have to leave in half an hour to get there on time. 

“Great!” The joy in Makoto’s tone was contagious, nestling itself in Haruka’s chest. “I’ll see you then!”

“Yeah,” Haruka replied. He hung up with a smile. It wasn’t _exactly_ what he had been hoping for. But it was a chance to see Makoto, and he would take it. 

Haruka quickly finished his dishes from dinner and put them away. Then he headed to his room to change out of his after-practice sweats. As he reached his closet, however, he mumbled a curse.

Friday was laundry day. But yesterday, the team had had a double practice, and Haruka hadn’t washed his clothes yet. Grumbling to himself, he flicked through his few remaining shirts. They were mostly extras—shirts he wore for lounging around the apartment or when he was cleaning. None of them were all that suitable for going out. 

He rifled through them again, stopping on a blue tee. It had been a gift from Nagisa. Although Haruka liked the look of it—it faded from dark blue on the bottom to light blue at his shoulders, reminding him of the depths of the ocean—Nagisa had bought a size too small, so Haruka rarely wore it. Frowning, Haruka glanced against at his cleaning shirts. Then, with a sigh, he took the blue tee of its hanger. 

He put on the shirt and a pair of jeans, tugging at the uncomfortably tight fabric. Then he walked over to his mirror to survey the damage. 

Haruka supposed, at least, that is was lucky the shirt was made of stretchy material. Even so, the shirt hugged his torso and refused to stay lower than an inch above where his jeans rested on his hips, leaving a small band of midriff exposed. Haruka glanced at his clock, considering. He _could_ do a quick load of laundry, but it would make him pretty late. Makoto probably wouldn’t mind, but it would mean he’d miss a whole hour that he could be spending with Makoto... With a sigh and another irritated tug at his shirt, Haruka made his way to the front door. 

He caught a train and made it to the arcade in decent time, approaching the front doors with five minutes to spare. 

As he walked in, Haruka’s stomach squirmed uncomfortably. The arcade was loud and big, filled to the brim with games and flashing lights and beeps and blaring music. And people—lots of people. He looked around, relief flooding over him when he caught sight of Makoto waving to him from the wall. 

Haruka walked over to meet him, glancing at the group of people Makoto was with. He vaguely remembered a few of the faces. As he approached, he saw Makoto’s eyebrows inch up in surprise, then quickly lower.

“H-hey,” Makoto said, tripping over the word. Then he took a deep breath and smiled, firming his voice. “Find it alright?”

“Yeah, fine,” Haruka replied, frowning as he studied his friend. Makoto’s ears began to turn pink, and he quickly turned to face the group. “Everyone, this is my friend from Iwatobi, Nanase Haruka.” Haruka stood silently as Makoto introduced six girls and three other guys—he would never be able to remember all of their names. Throughout, Haruka kept half of his attention on Makoto, trying to figure out what was wrong. 

“Alright, let’s go grab a couple tables,” one of the guys—Kurakaga?—said, heading into the fray. As the group followed, Haruka fell into step beside Makoto, keeping a close eye on him.

“I’m glad you could come,” Makoto told him, not quite meeting Haruka’s gaze. 

“Me too,” Haruka said slowly, watching Makoto suspiciously and trying to catch his eye. “Everything going okay?”

“Yeah!” Makoto said, a touch _too_ enthusiastically. He glanced over to Haruka, looking him over briefly before quickly averting his eyes once more. “Just—” Makoto paused, seeming to struggle to find the words. Then, sighing heavily, he finished weakly, “Just glad that it’s the weekend finally.”

“Same,” Haruka replied, voice calm despite his growing inner panic. Something was off—Makoto almost never tripped over his own words. Had his week really been that bad?

“Is that a new shirt?”

Haruka blinked, taken off guard by the abrupt change of topic. “What?” he asked.

Makoto coughed, shrugging with a forced nonchalant air. “I’ve never seen you wear that shirt before. Is it new?”

Haruka looked away in embarrassment, instantly regretting his choice to wear it. He reflexively moved to tug at the hem, then consciously stilled his hand. “No—it was from Nagisa.”

“Ah,” Makoto replied, as if that answered everything. In a way, Haruka supposed it did. _Dammit, Nagisa_ , he thought sourly, now just as embarrassed to meet Makoto’s gaze. 

“Hey, let’s grab the corner booth!” Kurakaga said, pointing toward the back of the arcade. They wove their way back, filing into the round corner booth and a regular booth next to it. Haruka followed Makoto and slid around the circular table, pulse racing as his knees bumped against Makoto’s. A guy slid into the booth on his other side.

“Hey, long time no see!” the guy said jovially, bumping his shoulder into Haruka. Haruka froze, giving the guy a good one over. 

“What, you don’t remember me?” the guy asked with a fake wounded tone. “We met on campus, remember?”

“Oh,” Haruka said, the memory slowly coming back. The annoying love letter guy. _Great_ , Haruka thought, struggling to keep a frown off of his face. What was his name again? “Right.”

One of the girls plopped down on the other side of the love letter guy. Haruka struggled to remember her name. Rina, maybe? She leaned over the table, fixing her gaze on Haruka. “So, Nanase-kun, where do you go to school?”

“N University,” he replied, attempting not to squirm at the attention.

The love letter guy frowned, then asked, “Isn’t that that super prestigious uni?”

“Don’t be dumb, Akira-kun,” another girl said from behind Haruka. He turned to find her kneeling backwards in the booth next door, leaning over the divider between the two. “N University is the one with the great sports program. Hey, Miki-chan, wanna share some fries?”

“Sure!” the first girl replied, not taking her eyes off of Haruka.

 _Oh_ , he thought. _Not Rina. Miki._ This was hopeless.

“So what are you there for?” Miki continued, leaning further into Akira.

“I swim free,” Haruka said. He clenched his hands under the table.

“Ooooh, another swimmer!” the girl leaning over the booth cooed. “That’s so cool!”

Haruka nodded, unsure how to response. Feeling suffocated, he turned to Makoto, eyes pleading. Makoto caught his gaze, brows lowering in concern. Then, quickly, Makoto asked, “How’s your senior thesis coming, Rina-senpai?”

The girl leaning on the booth divider sighed and rolled her eyes. “Slowly as ever. I’m _never_ going to finish it. So, anyway, what kinds of classes have you been taking, Nanase-kun?”

Haruka shrugged, mouth struggling to produce words. He couldn’t handle this interrogation-type of conversation. If even Makoto couldn’t save him, then how was he supposed to deal with this? He—

“What can I get you all started with?” a waitress asked, sidling up to the booths. Haruka let go of a deep breath, sliding gratefully down in his seat as the attention shifted away from him. 

“Sorry,” Makoto whispered, breath tickling Haruka’s ear. Haruka quickly spun to face him, fighting to keep a blush from creeping onto his face. Makoto was shooting him an apologetic smile. Placated, Haruka shrugged in embarrassment. 

“And what can I get for you?” the waitress asked, addressing Makoto.

“Just water for me, please,” he replied with a smile. 

“And for you?” she asked Haruka. 

“Same,” he replied. 

Luckily, the conversation had resumed without Haruka at the center. Taking a deep breath, Haruka settled into his seat, watching on as the large group chatted. 

“I wanna go try out their karaoke game,” one of the girls said suddenly, standing up. “Who’s with me?”

“Yesss!” Miki yelled, bouncing up from her seat. 

“Nanase-kun, Makoto-kun, why don’t you come join us?” Rina asked, leaning further over the divider.

Haruka glanced at the game in question, a brightly colored karaoke box with a microphone. “No thanks,” he mumbled, shifting uncomfortably. 

“Come ooooon,” Rina whined, grinning at him. “Just give it a try!”

“I don’t sing,” Haruka replied flatly. Rina’s face fell, and for a moment Haruka wondered if he should feel bad for being rude. But then her face lit right back up, and she turned to Makoto.

“You’ll come play with us, won’t you Makoto-kun?” she asked sweetly, clasping her hands together. “Please? You’re so good!”

“Maybe not today,” Makoto replied, stalling.

One of the other girls whined. “Awww, you totally should! You always win.”

“I—” Makoto began, shooting Haruka a look. 

“Just one song, okay?” Rina pressured.

With a sigh, Makoto held up his hands in defeat. “Alright, alright.”

The girls whooped, sliding out of the seats and dragging Makoto with them. 

Makoto’s absence left Haruka’s right side feeling completely exposed. He crossed his arms protectively, watching as the girls ushered Makoto in front of the game. 

The waitress returned with the group’s orders. Haruka accepted both glasses of water, carefully placing Makoto’s beside his own. The other guys started up a conversation about a fellow classmate as they worked on their food, and Haruka was happy to sit quietly on the sidelines. 

Instead he focused his attention on Makoto, who stood with the girls around the game as Rina got ready to sing. They were _just_ far enough away that Haruka couldn’t make out what they were saying over the loud cacophony of the arcade. From the ways the girls were gesturing at the screen, he gathered they were throwing out song suggestions. 

Rina finally selected a song, following the lyrics on the screen as the microphone projected her voice. The other girls cheered her along, booing when she hit a wrong note and whooping when she got a bonus. But Haruka couldn’t tear his gaze away from Makoto. Or, more specifically, the way the other girls kept touching him. They were all brief moments of contact—tugging on his arm, tapping him on the shoulder, leaning over toward him to point something out. But between the five girls, there was hardly a moment when someone _wasn’t_ touching Makoto. And, even more disconcerting, Makoto didn’t seem to notice, much less care. Haruka watched with growing frustration as Makoto laughed along with them, cheering for Rina.

When Rina’s song finished, another girl hopped onto the platform, and the entire process repeated. Rina, Haruka discovered, was the most touchy-feely of them all, often leaning against Makoto and holding onto his shoulder when she bent over laughing. 

As the girls continued through their rotation, Haruka kept an eye on the other guys at the table on the off chance they’d try to strike up a conversation. But to his relief they didn’t seem particularly intent on drawing him in. 

Finally, after each of the girls had had a turn, Makoto got up on the platform. From where he was sitting, Haruka mostly had a view of Makoto’s back and the game’s screen, partially obscured by the crowd of girls. Makoto scrolled through the song list, turning now and then at a suggestion from one of the girls. After deliberating, he made a selection and picked up the microphone. Haruka saw the song title—Panic! at the Disco READY TO GO—flash across the big screen, and the music started up. There were several measures while the song started. Then, gripping the microphone in both hands, Makoto started to sing.

As with the others, the game’s mic amplified Makoto’s voice. The sound flooded over Haruka, leaving him completely stunned. He couldn’t recall ever hearing Makoto sing before. Now that he was witnessing it, he was amazed by Makoto’s talent. Unlike some of the girls, Makoto never strayed off key, and his voice held a passion that punched right through Haruka’s chest and nestled against his soul.

“Good, isn’t he?” Akira asked, snatching Haruka’s attention back to the table. 

“Yeah,” Haruka replied softly, glancing back over at Makoto. 

“Ha, we’ll have to be careful,” one of the others added. Yuuto, if Haruka was remembering right. “If we leave them to their own devices, the girls’ll keep him there all night. He’s too nice to say no.”

Haruka clenched his jaw, not liking the implication in Yuuto’s tone—obviously this was not a rare occurrence. 

“Someone better cut him off, then,” Kurakaga said. “I plan to whip his ass at the hoops later.”

“I’ll do it,” Haruka found himself saying, already sliding from the booth. Akira stood to let him slip out, then Haruka headed straight for Makoto. 

Makoto’s song ended as Haruka approached, the girls whooping and cheering as he earned the highest score yet. 

“Do another one!” Miki called, the others quickly agreeing. 

“I dunno,” Makoto said sheepishly, turning toward the group. Haruka hung back, watching Makoto intently and willing him to look his way. 

“You know you wanna,” Rina said with a wide grin. Haruka couldn’t stop the deep frown that creased his face, though he managed not to shoot Rina a death glare.

Makoto glanced up, catching sight of Haruka. Placing the microphone back on the game, Makoto shot the girls a smile and shrugged. “Maybe next time,” he told them, hopping off the platform despite their collective, disappointed “awww.”

Then one of the girls took his place, and the others were back to throwing a barrage of suggestions, Makoto forgotten. Haruka purposefully blocked them out, focusing on Makoto as he walked over. 

“Sorry,” Makoto apologized, smiling sweetly. “Were you lonely?”

From his tone, Haruka could tell Makoto was joking. But before he could stop himself, he stubbornly replied, “Yes, so stay with me.”

Even as the words left his mouth, Haruka could feel an intense blush flood his face. Makoto’s eyes widened in surprise, and Haruka quickly turned away in embarrassment. “Your water’s at the table,” he mumbled, as if that was some sort of explanation, and headed back toward the booth, Makoto hurrying after.

They were intercepted by the guys, however, who were heading toward the bar.

“We’re gonna get another round,” Yuuto explained, throwing a thumb over his shoulder toward their empty glasses. “Want anything?”

Still bright red, Haruka briefly met Makoto’s glance before quickly looking away again. This was ridiculous. 

“Sure,” Haruka replied, changing direction to fall into step beside Yuuto. He caught another surprised look flash across Makoto’s face. Then Makoto shrugged, following and studying Haruka from the corner of his eye.

Haruka’s stomach churned under Makoto’s scrutiny, only further firming his decision. Maybe a drink could loosen him up a bit, or at least keep him from spending the entire night burning as bright as a light bulb. 

As Akira hailed the bartender, Haruka leaned against the counter, doing his best to ignore Makoto’s stare boring into his side. 

“Would you like anything?” the bartender asked, looking toward Haruka. 

“A rum and coke, please,” Haruka replied, shifting slightly.

“Same for me, please,” Makoto added. He crossed his arms and leaned next to Haruka, his left shoulder and forearm pressing into Haruka’s in the cramped space. 

Haruka tensed at the close contact, though he kept his gaze trained on the bartender as the man went about gathering ingredients for their group. Makoto’s body provided an overwhelming heat at his side, at once both suffocating and reassuring, and Haruka was reminded of their long train ride home together. 

“Here you are, fellas,” the bartender said, pushing two glasses toward them. 

“Thanks,” Makoto replied, leaning further into Haruka as he reached for his drink. 

Haruka muttered his appreciation, quickly snatching the remaining glass from the counter. He immediately raised it to his lips, taking several deep sips in an attempt to regain his cool. 

Glass clutched in both hands, Haruka chanced another glance toward Makoto. The brunette had his eyes closed, head tipped back as he took a long draught from his glass. His throat bobbed as he swallowed, then he lowered his cup and met Haruka’s gaze. Mouth going dry, Haruka quickly buried his face back in his glass. God dammit. Why did Makoto have to be so—

“Makoto-kun,” Kurakaga interrupted. “You, me. Hoops. Now.”

Makoto broke into a chuckle, a competitive smile splitting his face. “You want a rematch?”

“Damn straight I do,” Kurakaga replied, taking a swig from his own drink. “Your last victory was a fluke. I’m gonna wash the floor with you tonight.” Then, turning to Yuuto and Akira, he added, “You guys in?”

“Why not,” Akira replied with a shrug, draining the last of his cup in one big gulp as Yuuto grinned and put his own empty cup back on the counter.

Haruka realized with a jolt that the guys were all looking at him, Makoto green eyes wavering in a question.

“Sure,” he said, taking another long sip of his drink. They followed Kurakaga through the maze of arcade games, Haruka hiding behind the bottom of his glass each time Makoto’s eyes sought him out. 

There were two hoops, each with their own electronic scoreboard. Haruka watched as Makoto and Kurakaga began, marveling at how smoothly they sank the shots. 

The guys played for a while, Akira and Yuuto happily joining in. Eventually the girls wandered back over, dragging them towards the skeeball lanes instead. With a sigh, Haruka joined in, keeping an eye on Makoto as the girls continued to hang off of him.

“Nanase-kun.”

Haruka spun around to face the girl addressing him. He struggled to remember her name, but came up blank.

“Would you come with me to the ticket machine?” she asked, smiling as she hefted her pile of tickets. “I could use some help.”

Haruka frowned, glancing towards the ticket counter near the bar. “This is my first time here,” he told her. “I’m not all that familiar with it. Wouldn’t it be better to get someone else to help?”

“Don’t be silly!” she said with a smile and a bat of her eyes. “I just want someone to help hold them all while I feed them in. You will help, won’t you?”

For a brief moment, Haruka considered telling her to go away. But these were Makoto’s friends, and he didn’t want to make a scene. With a sigh, he relented.

“Alright,” he replied, allowing her to drag him towards the bar. He glanced briefly over his shoulder at Makoto, who was still playing skeeball. It probably wouldn’t that _that_ long to help her out.

“So how long have you been swimming for, Nanase-kun?” the girl asked.

Haruka shrugged, not all that interested in making small talk. “I’ve always loved to swim.”

“That’s awesome!” she replied, shooting him a saccharine smile. 

They reached the ticket counter machine, and she handed her pile over to him. Haruka stood diligently, trying not to frown as she took a strand of tickets from his hands and started to feed them into the machine.

“What do you do in your free time?” she asked, taking several more tickets from his hand.

“I don’t have much free time,” he told her, frown deepening. “Most of my time outside of classes is spent in practice.”

“What?” she asked with a laugh, sounding mock-scandalized. “You mean to tell me you don’t do anything other than swim?”

“No,” Haruka replied flatly.

His straight reply seemed to knock her off balance. She gave a flustered laugh, selecting another strand of tickets. “Well, what _would_ you do for fun?”

“I like to shop for swimsuits,” Haruka replied, starting to get irritated. “And cook.”

“Oh!” she said, face lighting up. “That’s so neat! What kind of foods do you cook?”

“Mackerel.”

The girl blinked, then bit her lip. “Oh.”

Haruka floundered, not sure what else to say. What was wrong with mackerel? In his opinion, it was the single most delectable food in existence.

The girl took the last of her tickets from his outstretched hands, ramming them into the machine. “Well. Thanks for the help.”

“Yeah,” Haruka replied awkwardly. 

The machine spit out a receipt. The girl grabbed it quickly, then shot Haruka a weak smile. “Guess we should head back.”

Relief flooding him, Haruka turned back toward the skeeball machines. He headed towards where Akira, Yuuto, and Kurakaga were standing, then paused. 

Makoto wasn’t there. 

Panicking, Haruka spun around, scanning the arcade. He caught sight of the ticket girl heading back to Rina, Miki, and the others. And, with a grimace, he realized they were herding Makoto to some other game.

“Yo, Nanase-kun!”

Haruka turned back around to see Kurakaga flagging him over. “Want to play another round?” he asked, gesturing toward the skeeball machines.

“No,” Haruka said, quickly returning his attention to Makoto. The girls had taken him over to some four player game on the other side of the arcade.

Kurakaga followed his gaze. “So, didn’t hit it off with Kana-chan?”

Haruka frowned in confusion. Then, after a beat, he realized that Kana must be the ticket girl’s name. “Oh. Uh, guess not.”

“Too bad. Hey, wanna race?”

Kurakaga pointed to toward two motorcycles in the center of the arcade. 

Haruka glanced toward Makoto again, his irritation growing. Honestly, he wanted nothing more than to march over there and lead Makoto away. But a flash of guilt ripped through him, and Haruka reconsidered. These were Makoto’s friends. Was he being unfair, stealing him away?

Trying not to sigh, Haruka turned back to Kurakaga. “Sure.”

“Hey, you guys gonna race?” Akira asked suddenly, bouncing over toward them.

“Yeah,” Kurakaga said with a grin. 

“You should raise the stakes,” Akira said excitedly, punching Kurakaga in the shoulder. “How about loser buys the winner a drink?”

Kurakaga raised an eyebrow questioningly at Haruka, who merely shrugged.

“Ha!” Akira exclaimed. “Okay, I’ve got to see this. Yo, Yuuto!”

Akira and Yuuto crowded around as Haruka and Kurakaga mounted the bikes. Kurakaga selected a bike from the screen, then grinned at Haruka. “Sorry, dude, you’re gonna owe me.”

Haruka frowned, but didn’t reply. He made his own selection, then bent over the handles.

The starting count beeped, and Haruka revved the handles, shooting out in front of the group.

“Shit,” Kurakaga mumbled, his own avatar stuck in the middle of the pack.

“Hoo,” Yuuto teased him, “looks like you’ve got competition!”

The guys cheered as the racers duked it out. Haruka let himself be swept into the game, leaning with the bike as he rounded turns and made the jumps. 

Kurakaga, it turned out, was a really good racer. But Haruka easily came in first, unable to help a slim smile as the game ended. Yuuto and Akira were shouting excitedly, trash talking Kurakaga.

“Okay, okay,” Kurakaga said good-naturedly, swatting them away. “Nice win, Nanase-kun.”

“My turn!” Akira crowed, shoving Kurakaga out of the way. “You go buy that drink, wussy. _I’ll_ show you how it’s done.”

Rolling his eyes, Kurakaga headed toward the bar. Haruka hesitated, glancing at Yuuto. “You want a turn?” he asked.

“No, I wanna race you,” Akira whined, cutting Yuuto off. “He can have a chance at you once I’m done.”

Sighing, Haruka gave in, selecting another bike from the screen.

By the time Kurakaga came back, the race was already halfway done. He and Yuuto cheered for Haruka, who was still in the lead, while Akira growled in frustration.

When Haruka won, Akira pouted. “Jeez, what are you? A monster?”

Kurakaga handed Haruka a glass, grinning. “Rum and coke, right?”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Haruka replied, glancing down at it. He really hadn’t planned on drinking more tonight.

“Come on!” Akira told him, grinning. “You have to enjoy your sweet victory over Kurakaga.”

“You mean like the even sweeter victory he just had over you?” Kurakaga shot back.

Haruka hesitated, watching Kurakaga closely. He didn’t want to offend him, and he did feel bad that Kurakaga had actually gotten him a drink—Haruka had kind of thought he was joking. Then, with a sigh, he took a long sip.

“Alright, my turn finally,” Yuuto said, sliding onto the bike next to Haruka. “Maybe I can get lucky.”

Haruka took another long sip from his drink, then put it down on the console. 

This time, when Haruka won, no one seemed surprised. 

“Okay, okay!” Akira said excitedly, taking Yuuto’s place. “ _One_ of us has to beat him.”

Finally, Haruka gave incompletely, racing each of them in turn as their shouts grew progressively more excited. When Haruka defeated Kurakaga in a spectacular maneuver in the last leg of their sixth round, Akira and Yuuto burst into cheers.

Haruka sat back on the motorcycle as Kurakaga got up, shaking his head in disbelief. He took his cup and drained the last of his drink, setting the empty glass back down on the console to see who was up next.

Haruka’s stomach leapt as Makoto sat down on the other bike. Makoto shot him a competitive grin, and dread quietly settled over Haruka’s skin. Eyes narrowing, Makoto leaned over toward him.

“I thought you were lonely without me,” he teased, voice just soft enough that the other guys wouldn’t be able to hear.  
Haruka’s pulse spiked, mouth suddenly dry once more. There was something in Makoto’s tone—he was teasing, yes, but there was also a very fine, calculating edge. Haruka struggled to pull himself from those emerald depths.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have walked away, then,” Haruka shot back. Though the words came out quietly, Haruka’s head was reeling.

Makoto’s mouth parted slightly in surprise, eyebrows shooting up. Then his face resolved into a confident grin, and he sat straight on his bike “Oh, it’s on now.”

“You show him, Nanase!” Akira yelled. Haruka had a sneaking suspicion Makoto’s friends were well aware of what a tough match he was.

Makoto selected his bike, then sat back to watch with a lazy grin as Haruka made his own selection.

As the countdown started to beep, Haruka settled onto the bike once more, leaning over the handles. He did his best to ignore Makoto, who was similarly ready at his side.

The light hit green, and Haruka and Makoto both shot off, leaping far ahead of the rest of the racers. The course this time was full of twists and turns, and Haruka allowed the sway of the bike to keep him calm. He and Makoto stayed neck and neck, leaning into each of the turns at nearly the same time. 

Yuuto, Akira, and Kurakaga were going crazy behind them, shouting excitedly when Haruka edged slightly ahead. 

As they approached the last leg, exhilaration rushed through Haruka. Somehow he had managed to keep his lead. He chanced a glance at Makoto, heart stopping when Makoto met his gaze with a smirk.

Suddenly, Makoto revved his handles, avatar knocking against Haruka’s. Haruka quickly turned his full attention back to the screen, jostling with Makoto as they approached the finish line. Just at the last second, Makoto managed to pull ahead and taking first. 

He grinned sweetly at Haruka as the guys whooped behind them. With a disgusted sigh, Haruka sat back on the bike. “Jeez, you never hold back,” he grumbled, shooting Makoto a frown.

Makoto’s smile deepened. “Not when it comes to you,” he replied, stealing Haruka’s breath.

“Seriously, Makoto-kun, can no one beat you?” Yuuto whined, shaking his head.

Makoto grinned, turning to face them. “What do you mean? Haruka beat me just the other day.”

“I suppose if anyone could, it must be that guy,” Kurakaga said with a laugh, gesturing toward Haruka.

“Another round!” Akira yelled, corralling them back toward the bar. 

“I don’t know,” Haruka started, still feeling a faint buzz from the last drink.

“You can’t wiggle out of it with a performance like that,” Akira chided, hailing the bartender. 

Haruka relented as another glass was handed to him. Conscious of Makoto’s eyes on him, Haruka quickly buried his face once more, knocking back half of the drink. Eyes twinkling in amusement, Makoto accepted another drink from Akira.

As the guys chatted, Haruka finally felt himself relax. They were rather rowdy, but Haruka had to admit that they seemed like good guys. 

“Alright, it’s getting late,” Kurakaga said finally, putting his empty glass down on the counter. “I think I’m out.”

“Yeah,” Yuuto said, following suit. “Should we tell the girls?”

“Yo!” Akira shouted, waving toward them. He caught Rina’s attention, and her and Miki stroke over toward the bar.

“We’re heading out,” he explained. 

Miki pouted, but Rina shrugged. “Alright, we’ll walk you out.”

Haruka placed his now-empty glass on the counter, blinking a few times at the much louder buzz in his head. Makoto glanced at him carefully as they left the blaring loudness of the arcade and stepped into the cool night. As the girls followed them out, Haruka slipped behind Makoto. The guys might be fun, but he’d take a chance to avoid an awkward goodbye.

“This was a ton of fun,” Rina was telling the guys, grinning. “We definitely need to do this again soon!”

“You girls sure you wanna stay?” Kurakaga asked with a frown. “It’s getting late.”

“We’ll probably only stay another half hour or so,” Miki told him. “ I think Yumi-chan wanted to finish her game.”

“Alright, well have a good night!” Akira told them, throwing them a wink. The girls laughed as he, Yuuto, and Kurakaga headed off down the street.

Rina turned to Makoto, another smile plastered over her face. Haruka felt his hackles raise, head spinning slightly. “You guys _sure_ you don’t want to stay a little longer?” she asked sweetly. “It’s been so much fun.”

Makoto opened his mouth to reply. Panicked, Haruka grabbed the back of Makoto’s shirt with both hands, stopping Makoto short. 

After a beat, Makoto replied, “I think we’re good. You guys have fun, though!” 

The girls headed back in, but Haruka’s double grip on the tail of Makoto’s shirt tightened. His face burned as Makoto chuckled softly, the world swaying slightly. 

Makoto twisted around, gently removing Haruka’s hands from his shirt and gathering them in his own. Haruka marveled at the warmth of having both of his hands engulfed in Makoto’s, face burning even brighter. 

Makoto smiled softly. “I wasn’t going to go back in,” he explained, chuckling again.

“Good,” Haruka said stubbornly. The world was still rocking gently.

A silence stretched, but Haruka hesitated. If he said something now, he’d have to leave. But, despite having fun, he really hadn’t gotten to spend much time with Makoto tonight. He opened his mouth, then stopped himself, lips feeling numb. He couldn’t tell if it was from the alcohol or from his own resistance.

“Ne, Haru,” Makoto said, tightening his grip on Haruka’s hands. “You drank quite a bit tonight, yeah? Why don’t you come back to my place?”

The furnace in Haruka’s stomach suddenly roared full blast, and he took a deep breath to steady himself. 

“I…” Haruka started, unsure how to reply. He wanted to see more of Makoto, yes, but…

“I don’t want you riding back by yourself on the trains,” Makoto continued, frowning at him. “You can crash on my futon if you want.”

“Okay,” Haruka mumbled dumbly, lips feeling numb once more. 

His nerves spiked as Makoto released one of his hands, still clasping his right hand tightly. They walked in silence back to the station, Makoto keeping an overly-watchful eye on him as they rode back to Makoto’s apartment.

Makoto switched on the light as they walked inside, his apartment jumping into view. Haruka took steady breaths, butterflies warring in his stomach. Somehow, it felt like he had left the bar with a stranger rather than his best friend.

Makoto led them straight back to his room, busying himself with pulling out the futon for next to his bed.

“Oh,” Makoto said suddenly.

“What?” Haruka asked in concern, coming over to his side.

“Sorry, Haru,” Makoto told him, shooting him an apologetic look. “I washed my comforter the other day and had been using my spare blanket. I haven’t had the chance to wash it yet—that’s so gross.”

“It’s fine,” Haruka told him, taking the blanket from Makoto’s hands. “I’ll use it.”

Haruka caught sight of a faint blush on Makoto’s face. “Oh, okay, well, sorry.”

Makoto crawled onto his own bed, reaching for the light. “You ready?”

Haruka laid down on the futon, pulling the blanket over him. “Yeah.”

With a click the room fell into shadows. Haruka snuggled into the blanket, a faint buzz still thrumming in his head. The blanket smelled strongly of Makoto, and with a blush Haruka buried his face in it. This wasn’t the usual Makoto scent—it harbored a faint tang of sweat over Makoto’s usual smell. Somehow, it felt embarrassingly intimate.

Struggling to keep himself calm, Haruka closed his eyes and let Makoto’s scent drug him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. This chapter is a complete fluke. Just like the chapter with Haru’s team at the bar, it was never supposed to happen. But like I keep saying, when I was working on Chapter 11 I realized I really wanted to expand it. The whole idea was to watch Haru doing little things (that grew progressively more obvious) in an attempt to get Makoto to figure out his own feelings for him. And I realized doing that in one chapter just couldn’t do the progression justice (without being ridiculously long). As I was plotting the flirt-progression (lol), I suddenly couldn’t get the picture out of my mind of Haru hanging out with Makoto’s friends and getting jealous (because let’s face it: Jealous Haru is life). So I started brainstorming what this scene might look like and I literally just puked the entire plot of this chapter onto the page. You know how sometimes when you vomit your body just keeps going and going and you can’t make yourself stop, and your conscious is just kind of observing all of this happening in horror while your body takes over and won’t let go? That was this chapter. (Which is such a beautiful comparison, I know. You’re quite welcome for that horrific imagery.) 
> 
> But seriously, I would write a really brief, vague description, and then couldn’t help myself from going back and adding more, and more, and more. And I was like, “What if Haru starts drinking?” And a part of me argued back, “But I already said in previous chapters that Haru doesn’t really drink.” But the first part of me was like, “HARU’S JEALOUS, HARU WILL DO WHAT HE WANTS, HARU IS GOING TO DRINK.” And then I was like, “Oh my god, what if Haru spends the night at Makoto’s?” And my brain was like, “No. _No_. That doesn’t make sense. Isn’t that rushing things? Besides, wouldn’t that mess with your original plan for the next chapter?” And after a four second pause the rest of me was like, “NO, OBVIOUSLY HARU IS DRUNK, AND MOTHER-HEN MAKOTO WOULD NEVER LET HARU GO HOME ALONE LIKE THAT. HARU’S SPENDING THE NIGHT. DEAL WITH IT.” … And that’s the story of how Haru ended up spending the night at Mako’s apartment xDDD
> 
> I had SUCH a hard time picking which song Makoto should sing. Seriously, I deliberate over these types of things far too much (it was the same when I wrote “For You”). I’ve never actually played any of the karaoke video/arcade games, so I took some liberties with the gameplay. But from my middle school obsession with DDR and very limited experience with Guitar Hero, I figured it would be better to pick an upbeat, more rock-sounding song. The primary contenders this time around were L’Arc~en~Ciel’s Ready Steady Go, the Offspring’s You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid (because I adore the Offspring, and I could see Makoto rocking out to their music), Panic! at the Disco’s Ready to Go (again, Panic! is another band that I could see Makoto loving), and The Fray’s Heartbeat. Other contenders included Sheeran’s Sing, Asian Kung Fu Generation’s Haruka Kanata, and Fall out Boy’s Dance, Dance. I also was kind of considering Gackt’s Vanilla, but Gackt seems just a touch too … showy for Makoto? Anyway, Ready to Go and Heartbeat were the two hardest to choose from, because they’re both about deciding not to hesitate in relationships while still being upbeat enough to be arcade-style games. But in the end I chose Panic! because it has that kind of awesome, thrilling feeling of anticipation right before you leap into a new relationship. 
> 
> I also had a hard time trying to figure out what game the guys should be playing. I knew I wanted Haruka to be good at it, and that Makoto would play against him and win. I considered a couple different games. I thought it would have been funny if they were playing that fishing game, given how much Haru loves mackerel—I could see him being good at that one. Buuuut, it seemed less intense and like it would kill the moment xD
> 
> I also created a playlist of songs specifically for this chapter. I admit: I've never been to an arcade bar (though I've been meaning to go with some friends), so half of this I just bs'd. However, I wanted songs that were upbeat and that would logically either be used in the games themselves or be blaring in the background of the arcade overall. Quite a few of them are "headier" songs that really played off of Haru's rampant attraction/heart rate in this chapter, too, which was fun. Anyway, I made an 8tracks playlist of the songs [here](http://8tracks.com/konekat/arcade-games-makoharu) if you wanna check it out ^^
> 
> As always, thanks so much for reading and commenting! Your comments make me so happy ^^ And feel free to [check me out on Tumblr](http://konekat.tumblr.com/). I'm always up for fangirling over the Free! boys (and several other anime/ mange/ yaoi as well)!


	14. In the Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I tested your patience enough with the wait for this chapter? (Sorry, I couldn’t resist… mainly because I’m so ashamed it’s taken me this long and I’m trying to use humor to lessen the impact of my overwhelming self-disappointment.) Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy! And that you somehow have some vague memory of what was even happening in this fic after so long a wait … xD
> 
> Also, I figured it was about time for this fic to start earning its rating … ;3

Haruka lay in silent consternation, contemplating his current situation: he had awoken half hard. In and of itself, this wouldn’t normally be an issue. Once he got moving, Haruka usually didn’t give it a second thought.

But this was not a typical Sunday morning. Haruka glanced uneasily at Makoto, still asleep just a foot away on his mattress. Makoto was generally a fairly heavy sleeper, but Haruka didn’t necessarily want to chance moving around, just in case. 

So instead, he decided to just stay where he was and let the problem resolve itself. 

Mind made, he attempted to distract himself by glancing around the room. From the light that filtered through Makoto’s curtains, he guessed it was sometime shortly after sunrise. Unlike Haruka’s own bedroom, which faced a busy street, Makoto’s room was fairly quiet, and the still air seemed to hold its breath.

From his position on the futon, Haruka could just see the edge of Makoto’s mattress. Sometime in the middle of the night, Makoto must have rolled over, so that now his face sat perched right along the edge, morning light illuminating his brown locks like a glowing halo. His chest rose and fell slowly beneath his blanket. He looked so calm, and Haruka found himself studying Makoto’s face, eyes tracing the lines of his chin, nose, and brow.

Again he was reminded of their train ride back to Tokyo. Somehow merely watching Makoto sleep brought a nearly unrivaled level of peace to Haruka, and for a time he was content to lay quietly and just watch, face half-buried in the swaddle of Makoto’s blanket.

Quickly, however, Haruka realized that this was a mistake. With every breath, Makoto’s scent washed over him. It dragged him deep and deeper, drowning Haruka in a hazy warmth.

Makoto shifted and sighed, causing Haruka to start. He watched carefully as the soft frown on Makoto’s face eased itself back into peace. When he was sure Makoto was still asleep, Haruka released a relieved breath.

He wriggled, then froze. Face flushing, Haruka realized that his _situation_ was most definitely _not_ taking care of itself. If anything, he was fairly certain it had gotten worse. He took several deep breaths, only to be hit full force by Makoto’s scent.

Unsure how to react, Haruka glanced back at Makoto, glaring at his calm, sleeping visage. This was all _Makoto’s_ fault. Up until even two months ago, Haruka wouldn’t have had a problem. But Makoto had to go and confess—Haruka’s flush deepened, and he forced himself to continue— _confess_ to Haruka, and start his mind onto all manner of unexpected thoughts. Before, Haruka would have _never_ found himself wondering how strong Makoto’s sturdy hands really were, or whether his lips were as soft as they looked, or—

Things had _definitely_ gotten worse. Flustered, Haruka realized that staying here and waiting for his hard on to go away was no longer an option. He could either lay here and wait for Makoto to wake up and find him in this desperate state—which, of course, was inexcusable. Or he could find some other way to take care of things. 

Slowly as he could, Haruka twitched the blanket off of himself and eased off of the futon. He kept his eyes trained on Makoto, ready to bolt at any sign of movement. 

He paused, slowly counting to ten as he hovered over the futon. When Makoto remained blissfully asleep, Haruka carefully rose from a crouch to standing. Then, taking care to tread lightly, Haruka backed toward the bedroom door and into the hallway. He could still glimpse Makoto’s serene face as he silently slid the door closed. 

Haruka quickly stepped across the hall and into the bathroom, flicking on the lights. The loud, automatic fan whirred into life, and for once Haruka was grateful for the abhorrent noise—at least it would help cover up what he was about to do.

… Was he _really_ about to do this? Haruka glanced up toward the mirror, eyes narrowing at the sight of his flushed face. 

This was no different than usual. He did this often enough. All that was different was that he wasn’t in his own apartment—that was all. At Makoto’s apartment, and thinking about—

He stifled a quiet moan, his hand unconsciously shooting down to press against his crotch. Who was he kidding? This was so _wrong_. Makoto was only fifteen feet and two flimsy walls away. He couldn’t stand in Makoto’s bathroom and _jack off_. Didn’t Makoto deserve better than that? Didn’t he owe Makoto some level of decency? 

Haruka pressed his hand more firmly against his pants, biting his lip as the fabric rubbed against him. 

… He should just get this over quickly. That was the least he could do.

Tearing his gaze away from the mirror, Haruka quickly unzipped his pants and tugged them down, sagging against the door in quiet relief as his cock finally worked its way into the open air. He would just do this quickly, and Makoto would never know the difference.

_What would Makoto do if he found out?_ The thought occurred before Haruka had the chance to strike it down. Suddenly horrified, he shook his head, trying to banish the idea from his head.

If Makoto opened his bathroom door and found Haruka pressed against the wall, panting helplessly as he fucked his own fist…

He would probably be too shocked for words. He would probably slam the door in Haruka’s face.

Or what if he didn’t? What if he just stood there and watched— _watched_ as Haruka gasped raggedly and pleasured himself?

If he slowly eased himself into the small bathroom, carefully shutting the door behind him.

If he stopped Haruka’s jerking hand with his own, pinning Haruka with those vivid green eyes.

Haruka’s breath was coming far faster now, his hand gliding steadily over his cock. He really needed to _stop_ these thoughts—now. No more. He couldn’t do this to his best friend. He couldn’t…

But what if Makoto gently removed Haruka’s own grip from his dick? If Makoto carefully replaced Haruka’s hand with his own perfectly large one. Rubbed his palm against Haruka’s head at an unhurried pace, causing Haruka to tremble and lean more fully against the wall. Wrapped his fingers into a constricting fist, immeasurably hot. Stroked Haruka with precise movements until Haruka reflexively bucked into his touch. Parted his mouth ever so slightly as his breath came in short, uneven puffs that fanned across Haruka’s face.

Haruka loosed a strangled groan, worried that even the fan wouldn’t be able to mask the noise. No. _No._

He pictured Makoto leaning even closer, beautiful face dominating Haruka’s vision, the feel of his body dominating every tingling nerve. Lips brushing against Haruka’s, stealing what little breath he had left.

Growling in frustration, Haruka quickened his pace, forcefully blacking out his thoughts. But each time he threw a dark curtain over the images in his mind, a new one forced its way forward. Desperately, Haruka locked his gaze on himself in the mirror. His hair was starting to cling to his sweaty, flushed skin. Disgusted with himself, he nearly looked away again, then looked himself in the eye. If he were looking at himself, at least he wouldn’t be thinking about—

Makoto standing behind him, hands roving down his stomach. Slipping past his waistband. Cupping his balls. Slowly exploring from base to tip. Body flush against Haruka. Whispering his name—

Haruka came suddenly, hard. Choking back a gasp, he jerked his hips forward, helpless as strands of cum shot against the sink cabinet before him. He stood rigid as his muscles clenched, wave after wave shuddering through him. Then, weakly, he sagged back against the door with a muffled thump, fist still loosely clutched around himself as every inch of muscle melted into loose rubber.

He drew rapid, open mouthed breaths down his dry throat, eyes fluttering closed. That—he hadn’t expected that. 

Slowly, Haruka drew a trembling hand up to his heart as he tried to calm himself. He let his head lull to the side, temple pressing into the cool wood of the door. He—

He needed to clean up. Now. Before Makoto could chance upon him.

Hands still shaking, Haruka pushed himself off the door and surveyed the damage. His mouth twisted at the white lines dripping down the cabinet door and the onto floor. How could he—he should have never— _Makoto_.

Pushing all thought aside, Haruka grabbed several tissues and thoroughly wiped up the mess, flushing the evidence down the toilet. He glanced hurriedly at his face in the mirror, relieved to see just a hint of pink left in his cheeks. Heart rate finally settling, Haruka splashed water on his face and patted it dry on the hand towel. 

Haruka slipped back into Makoto’s room, watching his friend anxiously. Makoto’s chest still rose and fell, his face relaxed. Haruka felt his shoulders sag in guilty relief—somehow he had gotten away with it. Carefully he crept across the room back to his futon.

“Haru?”

Haruka jumped— _literally_ jumped—off of the ground, his heart stopping completely.

Makoto pushed himself half an inch off of his mattress and rubbed his eyes with a wide yawn. “You’re up already?”

Barely daring to breath, Haruka nodded mutely and quickly plopped back down on the futon. What if he had heard? What if he _knew_ that Haruka had been—

“It’s so early,” Makoto mumbled through an even wider yawn. He flopped back down onto his bed, eyes drowsily sliding closed. Haruka felt his shoulders ease just a fraction. It was obvious that Makoto was still more than half asleep.

Haruka waited patiently as Makoto lay in silence, his chest still slowly rising and falling. With a small, relieved sigh, Haruka’s shoulders finally eased all the way—Makoto had fallen back to sleep.

Makoto opened one eye, startling Haruka with his tired, but intent gaze. “Sorry,” Makoto mumbled quietly, fighting off another yawn. “I didn’t mean to—to—” he lost his battle, yawn overtaking him “—leave you by yourself.”

Haruka scoffed quietly, not quite able to meet Makoto’s eyes. Makoto hadn’t _left_ him anywhere. He restrained himself from calling Makoto an idiot, although from the small chuckle that escaped Makoto’s lips, he was well aware of Haruka’s intention. 

“Gimme a second,” Makoto said, struggling to sit. “I’ll get up.”

“If you’re tired, then sleep,” Haruka muttered back, shaking his head ruefully. Carefully he glanced at Makoto, only to freeze as Makoto leaned even closer.

“But I _want_ to be awake with Haru-chan,” Makoto said firmly, the slight traces of weariness quickly fading away. 

Haruka’s heart pounded heavily. His blood was threatening to push into his cheeks. Frowning, Haruka looked away. “Drop the -chan."

Makoto laughed, sitting up straight again and putting a more normal distance between them. He stretched his arms above him, squeezing his eyes shut and making his t-shirt ride up his stomach. Haruka’s mouth went dry, his mind flashing back to the bathroom and the thought of Makoto standing in front of him, pressing closer and closer against him—

“You’re probably busy today, huh?” Makoto asked, suddenly dropping his arms and meeting Haruka’s gaze. 

Haruka quickly yanked his eyes away from Makoto’s stomach and back up to his face, hiding his surprise with a shrug. “No, actually.” 

“Oh,” Makoto said, sounding equally surprised. “What about your homework?”

“It’s all finished,” Haruka replied, a thread of exasperation bleeding into his voice. “I wasn’t really planning on doing anything, today.” Then, attempting to stave off his own useless hopes, Haruka quickly added, “But I know how crazy this semester’s been for you and all…”

“Haaa,” Makoto sighed, nodding his head. Despite himself, Haruka couldn’t help the disappointment that squeezed around his chest. 

“But I’m actually mostly caught up—for now,” Makoto added. Haruka quickly met Makoto’s eyes, watching him closely to make sure he wasn’t lying. Seeing Haruka’s attention, Makoto laughed. “ _Really_ , Haru-chan. I actually don’t have any plans for today either.”

There was a thrill reverberating through Haruka’s body, one that he still hesitated to accept just yet—just in case. It left his arms and chest feeling tingly and his head spinning.

“Maybe,” Makoto added, glancing at Haruka with a happy puppy dog grin, “we could hang out a bit longer?”

_Yes_. The emphatic reply nearly escaped Haruka’s mouth, though he stopped it just in time. Instead, with a deep breath, he said, “That’d be nice.”

Makoto’s face broke into a smile of pure light, leaving Haruka speechless. “Wow!” Makoto said excitedly, shrugging a bit guiltily even with his grin still plastered across his face. “It’s been a while since things have worked out so well.”

“Yeah,” Haruka managed to croak out lamely. 

Humming to himself, Makoto sat up straighter and crossed his legs. “Alright, what should we do?”

Haruka shrugged, too excited by the prospect of getting to spend the day with Makoto to think properly. Then, suddenly, Haruka remembered something Makoto had mentioned to him—months ago now—at their favorite restaurant.

“We could go swimming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first, I need to send a HUMONGOUS thanks to [right---meow](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Right___Meow/pseuds/Right___Meow). Alex is the one who really gave me the push I needed to get back into this. Even then it STILL took me a several months, and it was slow going. But I was struggling so much trying to get through this chapter, and hearing her enthusiasm and support was amazing.
> 
> Technically, this chapter was supposed to be about … Oh, I dunno, at least three times longer than it currently is. (I kind of cut it off a bit abruptly—could you tell? xP) I’ve still been struggling to write the next part. Basically, it’s what amounts to one of the biggest moments in this fic, which is a big part of why I’ve been so choked up over it for so long. For MONTHS I’ve had parts of what you just read sitting around in my files. And at some point tonight, I just decided, “You know what? The only way I’m going to make forward progress is if I put this up and work on the next section as a brand new chapter.” And here we are. 
> 
> I’m not sure when I’ll get around to writing Chapter 15. I _hope_ it’ll be soon, but at this point who really knows. Still, I am dead set on finishing this fic. Despite the long, _long_ hiatus (it’s nearly been a year!?!), this fic has been hovering in the back of my mind all along. I promise I won’t abandon it. 
> 
> If you came back to read this chapter, thank you. Seriously. I hope that you were able to enjoy this little bitty addition. It means the world to me.
> 
> If you wanna come yell at me for taking so long, feel free to check me out on [Tumblr](http://konekat.tumblr.com/).


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